Gordon quotes from Kitchen Nightmares

[to David] You're so full of fucking shit that you'd make a great politician.

What a beautiful, quaint little town. I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than at Hannah &... (sees that the sign is missing the N from "Mason's") Maso's? I guess they couldn't afford the "N." That's not a good start.

When you take a bite of that cod, it's almost like you've got a breaded condom in your mouth.

This is salmon that is marinated in... that looks like... [he smells it] an Italian dressing. Oh dear. [finds tuna that has been dyed pink] What's this? Seafood restaurant on the water. Tuna that's dyed pink to make it look authentic. Look at it, my God. Unbelieveable. And here we have... [he finds a risotto] That looks like a mushroom risotto, grey risotto. Unbelieveable.

Watching this restaurant perform is embarrassing. Fake fucking crab meat inside of sole? It's pretty obvious, it's become the appendix of restaurants in Stamford. You just want to get rid of it and get it out.

I thought people got pushed into a mortuary on trolleys, no? Not serving food.

Eduardo, no wonder you've grown so old. You've aged waiting for the last main course. [Eduardo and the other servers laugh]

You just served me three-week-old frozen potato skins that have no potato inside. I feel like I'm a potato organ donor.

Is that normal? The Amazing Bazzini's Risotto. Woohoo! (twirls the plate around) Wow, that's extraordinary, no? Doesn't even move.

(about Andy) This is unbelievable, because there’s a lot of similarities between Andy and I. We’re both English and we both studied in Paris, but there’s one thing we don’t share in common: I care about my customers. He clearly doesn’t give a shit. What a shame.

This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a fuck, the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a fucking shambles.

Last twenty four hours was one of the toughest days ever spent in a restaurant. Last night, we did get rid of the chef which was a positive move. Now I need Drew to step up to the mark, Jeremy to support his mother more...I got here early so I can check out the place properly. With no interference.

(to Nylah) Nylah, the state of that fridge in there confirms whoever's running this place in terms of kitchen management has given up. They don't give a fuck about you, and they don't give a fuck about standards.

'Enter as strangers, leave as friends'... Enter a stranger, start dating the owner.

PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!