The director said she wants a Joe from JONAS type. How do I look more Joe-ish?
StellaOkay, how about something from your last music video? So a leather jacket... you like that?
Stella
-...And glasses - How about a bandanna?
Stella
Classic Joe. I like it.
Hi, they just emailed me the scenes for your audition later.
Cool. Just put it over there.
I don't know, man. I was looking them over, and they're pretty emotional. I think we should go over it.
Kevin, what do you really know about directing?
Well, as much as you really know about acting.
The whole thing's practically a done deal.
Stella
You know, Kevin's right. I mean, you've never done this before. You should prepare.
It's all about my look. Vanessa said the whole audition's a formality.
Stella
Vanessa? Well, she would know.
You know there's nothing going on between us, right?
Stella
Yeah yeah, I know. And even if there was, I'd be fine with it. We agreed to be friends, so...
Stella
I know. Do you want that one?
Yeah. Aunt Lisa, hey. Mind if I help you with those?
Oh, I see what you're doing. You're trying to get on my good side. It's not happening, no. I don't trust rock stars.
I know I got it. No problem.
We're gonna be late. Nick, where are you? - Nick!
Stella
Have you guys seen Macy?
No. Macy! There he is. Nick, have you seen Macy?
Yeah, I want her to film me landing my first movie role.
Where's the camera? I'll do it.
Yeah, you're not so good with the pictures. You like to cut off the head.
That is an artistic choice.
Stella
Nick, where is she?
Maybe she went shopping or quit or went to get her hair done. Who knows what girls do these days, right?
Stella
Whoa, back up. Macy went shopping without me?
Wait, what was that middle one again?
She quit, okay? She quit.
Stella
What did you do?
I don't know. We were talking about the Japanese stock market And she just went nuts.
Nick, you must have done something to hurt her. You have to fix this.
Guys, we gotta get to my audition. Nick, whatever you gotta do to change her mind, do it.
Okay, buddy, you can do this. You're one of a kind. (Joe enters the room and sees a roomful of him then he leaves the room and calls Kevin) (phone rings)
It's Joe. Hey, dude. Tell me you nailed it.
There's a roomful of mes in there and I'm freaking out right now.
It's okay. Just calm down. Breathe. Remember everything I told you.
Kevin, we're way past happy face/sad face. How am I supposed to get in front of a famous director and do a love scene with real emotions?
Hang in there, man. I've got an idea.
This one looks all wrong.
Oh, Mona, this actually is Joe from JONAS.
Well, okay. Mona Klein, - A huge fan.
All right, let's rock this. And action!
Don't you get it, Dade? I'm a ghost. Ghosts can't love. They covet. They desire. But they can't love.
I could choose to believe that... But if we never try... They we'll never know what could have been.
Cut. Is he in love or is he ordering a cheeseburger?
Just give him another chance. He's a little nervous. That was really terrible.
Joe, look at me. You get to be in love with me. It shouldn't be hard.
You're lucky lunch hasn't arrived yet. All right, one more shot, rock star. What's that Taylor Lautner guy up to? And action!
Don't you get it, Dade? I'm a ghost. Ghosts can't love. They covet. They desire. But they can't love.
I could choose to believe that... But if we never try, then we'll never know what could have been.
Are you kidding me? - Dude, congratulations.
Dude, you might just turn out to be a good director.
Well, I do know how to motivate my actors.
When I saw you in the window, I just felt so...
Stella
Hey, sometimes you just need to see a friendly face.
Congratulations, dade! You were wonderful. I could totally feel our energies colliding.
Stella
Vanessa, hi.
Stella
I'm Stella Malone. I love you on "Malibu High." I never miss an episode.
That means so much. Anyway, we're gonna be working together a lot. It's going to be so intense. (Joe mouths)
Come on, girl. We're almost to the top.
Stella
There had better be an air-conditioned mall up there.
All right, princess. You rest. I'll be right back.
Stella
Yeah? Well, if I was a princess, I'd have someone walk for me! (mumbles)
Stella
Oh, sorry. Thank you.
Stella
Great.
Well, if someone was going to run into me, I'm glad it was you. Hey, I know you. I'm your neighbor. Cute orange house, right?
Stella
I'm Stella.
Stella
Sorry I'm... such a mess. I was attacked... by a bear.
I'm guessing you're more of an indoor girl.
Stella
I like a wall and a window now and then.
That's probably why I haven't seen you on the trail before.
Stella
So many mosquitoes out here in nature.
Well, maybe we'd be better off doing something inside... like eating some frozen yogurt or something.
Stella
Really? Yeah.
Great. I'll pick you up around 7:00.
Stella
- Perfect.
Stella
That's me. (chuckles)
Stella
(singsong voice) I'll tell you in a second. I just have to keep smiling and waving... Until he's down that hill. And we're clear. He just asked me out!
Stella
I know, huh? - I love hiking
Stella
I can't believe I'm going on my first L.A date.
I know. If this is the hiker, you work pretty fast.
Stella
Wait. Issue.
Stella
- Joe.
Right. Well, are you going to tell him about that?
Stella
I mean, am I supposed to? I don't know.
Oh, okay. Let's play it out. I'll be Joe. What would you say to me?
Stella
So, Joe, - I met a guy.
No! No! How could you betray me?!
Stella
Macy, he's not gonna do that.
Well, I was just showing you the worst-case scenario.
Stella
Okay. Well, can we please try the best-case scenario?
Stella
Okay. So, Joe, I met this guy and we're gonna go on a date.
Oh, that's great. Have fun. I never had feelings for you anyway.
Stella
That's the best-case scenario?
Oh, wait. Here's 50 bucks. Take him someplace classy. Huh? Huh? Wasn't that helpful? Wait. Wait! (Stella is walking away and Macy follows her)
Stella
Joe?
Stella
Whose dog is this? Hi, baby.
This is Chakra. He belongs to Vanessa.
Oh, we belong to each other.
Stella
Vanessa. Expecting rain?
Oh, no. I'm actually playing a ghost in "Forever April," so I can't be in the sun. I tan ubereasy.
Stella
Uberawesome.
(clicks tongue, sighs) Joe is such a sweetheart, agreeing to dogsit Chakra for me.
Stella
Wow. So you're dogsitting....
Stella
- ...for Vanessa. Okay.
Well, I'm spending the weekend In an underground spa, so--
Stella
Oh, let me guess-- uberexclusive?
Oh no, it's literally underground... in a cave.
Stella
Um, I actually just came to say hi. And now I'm going So, Joe, happy dogsitting. Vanessa, watch out for bats.
It depends what part of me gets cold first. What about you?
Doesn't your cat have fur?
(baby voice) But it goes so well with his little hat.
Stella
He's taking care of Vanessa's dog.
Stella
Yeah, he is. I mean, I don't know how they got so far so fast. Usually you meet, you flirt, you date, you introduce him to your parents And then maybe you let him dogsit.
Well, he has clearly moved on and so should you.
Stella
Oh, I am moving, baby, And Ben is my moving van.
Stella
- He's not a rock star.
Stella
Yes, ladies, this date with Ben is going down. - I am talking frozen yogurt...
Stella
With toppings. (Aunt Lisa gasps) - Maybe a swirl.
- Now that is the Stella who came to play in L.A. - Hippy bump. (squeals)
Stella
I'm good. I'm getting ready.
Code red. Code red. (enters the guest house)
Stella
Actually, this is crimson crush.
No. Joe, Ben, here together.
Stella
- What?
Joe is grilling Ben like a shish kebab. - You've gotta get in there.
Stella
- Right. Wait. - What about my toes?
Stella
Okay.
So what you're telling me, ben-- If that's your real name-- Is that you're gonna take stella out to "fro-yo," and if it goes well, you might ask her out again?
Stella
- Joe.
- Stella. - Don't talk to her.
Stella
- Don't talk to him.
No, we are talking. We're talking up a storm.
Stella
Oh, and you brought them here. Thank you. That is-- that's so sweet. Thank you. Thanks. You-- game room, now.
Stella
- Now.
- Look. If tonight's not gonna work--
Stella
- Oh no, it's perfect. It's perfect.
Stella
Thanks for the keys.
You ate baby food until you were 10.
It was just the applesauce.
Oh! Point to the Nickinator! Whew. Guys, this is getting personal.
Stella
How dare you interrogate my date!
What am I supposed to do, Seeing as you decided to keep the whole thing from me?
Stella
I tried to tell you, but you were a little too busy... Playing house with Vanessa and Shakira.
It's Chakra, and he's a boy. (Chakra is barking) The point is you had a date tonight - And you didn't tell me.
Stella
- Well, you didn't tell me about the dogsitting.
I didn't tell you about my dentist appointment either.
Stella
Vanessa is trusting you with something that she loves. That's a big step in a relationship.
We're not in a relationship.
Stella
Well, she thinks that you are.
Yet you're the one who has a date tonight.
Stella
It's just yogurt! (barking continues)
Chakra! Chakra! No, Chakra! Come back! Chakra!
So it all comes down to this: The winner of the next point will take the crown, And moi, to meet Justin Timberlake. (Nick takes the ball out of the hat) (dramatic music playing) (Chakra barks and swallows the ball) (Dennis gasps)
That was our last ball. - When did we get a dog?
Chakra! - Heel! - Stay! Stay! - Chakra, come back! - Chakra, come on! Don't run! (Dennis runs after Chakra)
Our dog's name is Chakra?
- It's not our dog. I'm watching him for Vanessa. He got scared when Stella and I were arguing.
- She has a date tonight - And she didn't tell me.
- Didn't you guys decide to be friends? Doesn't that mean you're free to date whoever you want?
Yeah, but I just pictured myself dating and Stella just... not.
You do realize how it sounds, right?
When I just said it, I realized what a jerk I sounded like.
Yeah, well, you shouldn't tell us. You should tell her.
(panting) Okay. Come on, boy.
You're right. Thanks. (leaves)
Yo, bros. Ah. It's game point. (gives the ball that Chakra swallowed to Kevin)
Yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
Maybe it's for the best. This game was getting pretty ugly.
Yeah, there's no such thing as a friendly game of ping-pong. (fistbumps Nick)
Hey, guys, hold on. We're real close-- one more point.
Guys, wait. I don't want to have to come down on you. All right, look. I promised my guy a JONAS and I don't front. Okay? So you guys have
Or our friendship is in serious trouble.
Our friendship will be fine. Trust me.
Stella
- Hey.
Listen. I was way out of line back there. I'm sorry.
Stella
It's okay. I may have slightly overreacted to that whole dog thing.
We should be able to date whoever we want without the other one of us freaking out about it.
Stella
I agree.
Or if you prefer not to date at all, I'm cool with that too.
Stella
- Joe.
- Okay, the first one. Listen, Ben's a really nice guy. You should have fun tonight.
Stella
Thank you.
Just do me one favor-- Tell him what band I'm in.
Stella
Okay.
Hello. - Where have you been? I've been worried sick. It's 8:00.
Stella
I've been gone for an hour.
Okay, let's put it all behind us and tell me everything.
Stella
Okay. So we got to the yogurt place--
Stella
- He opened the door for me...
Stella
And then he let me pick the music.
He cares about your interests.
Stella
Then we opened the sunroof so we could look at the stars.
Stella
- But it was foggy.
Stella
- Oh, when we got to the date, - He made me something.
- What? (gasps) He sideburned you?
Stella
Yes. Oh, Joe is so cool. - I just said--
Stella
- That can't happen again.
Stella
Hm-mmm. - How about I sideburn you?
- Okay. - Let's go full-on werewolf.
Stella
- Smile. (clicks)
Stella
Okay, Aunt Lisa, I'm ready. (removes her robe and sits)
Oh, thanks for letting me practice on you, Stella-Bell. You know, I think massage is my true calling. I do. I know I said that about acting. And candle-making. - And landscaping.
Stella
(takes a towel and puts it on the head of the massage chair)- Hey, it's a free massage. I'm in.
Oh, I am going to be charging a pretty penny for this, Once I get into massage school.
Stella
- Get in?
Stella
I thought-- I thought you were already-- you know?
Stella
- Okay.
Who's a good girl? Do you like that? Hmmm? (giggles)
Stella
- Aunt Lisa?
Stella
Is there any chance that before me you've only massaged, say, a cat?
Oh yeah. Oh, there's a chance.
Stella
- Ow.
Stella
- Ow.
- Honey, you're just so tense. Oh, look, you have a whole row - Of knots back here.
Stella
- That's my spine!
No, it's not! Here, let me just get this one right here for you. - (cracks)
Stella
- Oooh, okay, Ow ow, I can't. I just can't. It hurts. I can't feel my legs. - It's over.
- I knew it. Failed again. I shouldn't even try.
Stella
- Aunt Lisa.
- No, it's true, okay? Everything your mom said about me, it's true.
Stella
You know what mom says about you? She says that-- that you're a sweet soul. And that you're the best sister in the world.
Stella
- She trusted you to look out for me while I'm in L.A. - And I'm so glad that you're here.
Stella
- Yeah. You're a great aunt.
- And you know what? - Hmm? I think you could totally be a great massage therapist. - I really think I could.
Stella
- There you go. You know, just research it a little bit. Maybe go online, and...Just learn about what feels good, you know, for humans.
Or I could become a cat masseuse right now.
Stella
Dealer's choice. You know, whatever you do, I believe in you.
Ohhh, thanks, Stella-Bell. - ( cracks ) - oh, sorry.
Stella
You know, I'm just gonna go.
Ready for another lesson?
How about some "Three Blind Mice"? I hear it's a big hit with the kids these days.
Nick, when I was telling D.Z. All those things girls like in a guy, I was really talking about all the things I like in a guy.
And if I, let's say, found this guy who had all of those qualities, - I'd really hope that he'd like me too.
- Nick, it was you. Okay? I was describing you. - Forget it.
What I'm trying to say is I like you. And I've been wanting to tell you ever since I saw you this summer.
Well, there it is. What took you so long?
I guess I was just scared.
If anyone should be scared, it's me.
- Because this is crazy. You're a rock star and I'm your--
- I'm your Macy. I like the sound of that.
Stella
This has been such a weird day. (sighs) It feels good to be home. Do you guys think there's such thing as a cat masseuse? I mean, this is L.A., so there probably is. There are like pet therapists and pet psychics. That's crazy stuff. So what are we doing? Do you want to order in? Like, I'm kind of hungry, but I'm kind of not hungry. You know?
Jonas · 237 quotes
