Stella Malone quotes from Jonas

Stella

Okay, I'll admit it would have been kinda cool to be know as the "mystery girl" in Joe's life.

Hey, it's the fake blonde! (Kevin and Nick are entering the party) (Big Man holds the door for Stella, Macy and Joe)

Macy

Hey, the fake blonde has a name! It's Stella Malone! (tells the woman) You can thank me later. (enters the party)

Stella

(worried) Macy, you have to help me. (closes Macy's locker) The most horrible thing has happened! (she puts her head on Macy's shoulder)

Macy

Your toenails don't match your purse?

Stella

Okay, that will never happen. But seriously read this. (gives the progress report to Macy to read)

Macy

(sees Stella's progress report) Oh, so, they finally figured out that you've avoided physical education all this time. (she gives Stella's progress report back to her)

Stella

Yeah, my guidance counselor finally got internet and realized that "shopper's elbow" isn't a real injury. So I have until the end of the semester to fill the requirement or it's, "hello summer school".

Macy

Then just take P.E.

Stella

Whoa whoa whoa. How much time do you have to get dressed in between classes?

Macy

About five minutes.

Stella

There's no way I can accomplish this in five minutes.

Macy

Stell, I've seen you change your entire look in the elevator between the first and second floor. What gives?

Stella

(turns her head at Nick's locker) You know, I'm lousy at sports.

Macy

Oh, yeah.

Stella

Thank you. Well, I don't want everyone else to know! It's so embrassing.

Macy

Okay. Don't worry. I'll help you. Just meet me after school in the gym. The big red building right next to the football field.

Stella

That's the school dance building.

Macy

Also known as the gym.

Stella

I knew that.

Macy

Of course you did. (she puts her arm around Stella then they walk away from the lockers)

Stella

Ooh, this is nice. It's really spacious. Love the hardwood floors. (taps the wood) Thanks again for helping me, Mace. I know this can be a challenge.

Macy

Oh, that's what best friends do-- they help each other. Like the time I broke my ankle and you painted my toenails so they'd looked good when the boys signed my cast.

Aww. (they walk to each other and they hug then they stop hugging)

Macy

Okay. So let's find out what you're good at. We're gonna start with something easy. (starts doing a handstand)

Stella

Oh! (chuckles) Um...That's something easy? (Macy is still doing a handstand)

Macy

Sure! Try it!

Stella

Uh-huh.

Macy

Stella, are you trying it?

Stella

Yep.

Macy

Oh, isn't it fun?

Stella

Oo-ooh.

Macy

This is my favorite thing to do. You're gonna be so awesome. (chuckles)

Stella

Phew! That's fun.

Macy

Oh, please.

Stella

What?

Macy

(walks under the net with the notepad) Okay, that rules out anything that requires a racquet, (reads the notepad) any kind of ball, an opponent, a scoring system or movement of limbs.

Stella

There has got to be something that I can do. Ooh, what about "bow and arrows?" (drops the two racquets on the floor and takes one of the bow and arrow)

Macy

If you mean archery, that requires strength, and discipline and precision. And even if you had strength, and discipline, you'd still need precision.

Stella

How hard can this be? (trying archery but she fails again and she falls)

Macy

Well, that was very good for a beginner!

Stella

Oh, please.

Kevin

(tells Nick to how to hang the painting while Nick holds it) Okay, a little higher on the left. Lower on the left. Up a little bit on the left. A little down on the left. A little up on the left. Almost there. Almost there! No. Down on the left. Nick, is this my left or your left, you're looking at?

Nick

It's the same left! (Joe runs upstairs excitedly)

Joe

Yes! I got detention tomorrow! (tells Nick and Kevin) Now Abby will see I get punished like everybody else. Plus once she's in there, she'll be a captive audience. Ha! She'll have to listen to me.

Nick

Whoa whoa whoa. What do you mean tomorrow?

Kevin

You know, the day after today or the day before two days from now.

Nick

Also known as the same day, we have to record the vocals for the new record or we miss the deadline.

Joe

Oh, I forgot about that. (Kevin pats Joe on the back of the shoulder) Nick, I think a little up to the right.

Nick

Would somebody please give me something to hang this with? (sick of holding the painting then an arrow pins it and he notices that) Thanks. (Nick, Joe and Kevin sees the hole in the window that the arrow made)

Stella

How'd I do? (Macy looks at the hole and Stella asks her but Macy doesn't say a word) (Macy looks at Stella then she looks at the window again)

Macy

And surprisingly, no to hopscotch. (marks off the list)

Stella

Okay. How am I supposed to bend down and pick something up while I'm standing up on one foot? I mean, what am I, a spider monkey?

Macy

That's every sport recognized by the school district.

Stella

No no no no no no. No, Macy, that can't be! If I don't pass p.e., I'm goona have to make this up in summer school. (stands up) There has to be some sport I can get credit for! Like, what about-- What about this? (cleps hands above head) Isn't this a sport?

Macy

No, that's clapping your hands over your head.

Stella

What about this?

Macy

I'm not sure what that is, but you're scaring me!

Stella

You know what I can do?

Macy

Huh? (Stella puts one hand on her head and one hand on her stomach)

Stella

I can do this! (she pats her head and stomach at the same time)

Macy

No, you can't. It's like this. (shows Stella the right way to do it)

Stella

(walks to her chair but she falls) I can't even sit.

Macy

Stella, I'm sorry. I feel like I let you down.

Stella

(puts her head up) No no no no. You did everything you could. You're amazing. It's not you, it's me. I'm a failure.

Macy

Stella, you are not failure. Sports just aren't your thing.

Stella

Yeah?

Macy

All right. I've gotta go. I've got volleyball practice. (stands up and takes her gym bag) And, we haven't won a game all season.

Stella

Well, it's no wonder. I mean, look at your uniforms. The shorts are bulky, the top is too tight.

Macy

I know. Every time I wear this, I sweat like a pig. I mean, I glisten like a pig.

Stella

Well, yeah, that's because that kind of fabric doesn't breathe. (stands up and walks to Macy) Not to mention the frumpy factor. I mean, if you don't look good, you're not going to play good.

Macy

I play good.

Stella

But do you look good?

Macy

Hmm. (thinks about it)

Macy

(enters) Stella, I have great news! I talked to my volleyball coach about the frumpy uniforms that are making us lose. And she said if you can design 12 new uniforms by game-time tomorrow, she can give you full p.e. credit.

Stella

Macy, I love you! Thank you! Thank you. (both yelp) (Macy and Stella hug)

Macy

You're welcome! So can you do it?

Stella

Just watch me. (drops the net) But first... I need some dynamic music. (rock music playing)

Macy

Stella, this is amazing. Look how free I am-- yet, as cute as a button. (sighs) Whoever said you aren't an athlete hasn't seen you with a pair of scissors and measuring tape.

Stella

Thanks, Macy. Coming from you, that means a lot to me.

Aww. (they hug then let go)

Macy

(sighs) So one down, 11 more to go, right?

Stella

Oh, yeah. (she and Macy continue to make the uniforms)

Joe

(runs to Kevin and Nick) Guys, guess what. Today's our anniversary.

Kevin

(he and Nick stand up) Aw. hug it out. (he and Nick are hugging Joe) Bring it in. Feels good. Aw, love it.

Joe

You guys have no idea what anniversary I'm talking about? Do you?

Kevin

Nope. (he and Nick stop hugging Joe)

Nick

Never claimed to. (he and Kevin sit back down)

Joe

Guys, it's the anniversary of when we first met Stella.

Kevin

Wow. Time flies. Feels like yesterday that wittle Stella waddled into our wives. Sowwy.

Nick

Any reason why you happen to know the exact date when we met Stella?

Kevin

Yeah, Joe. Thub-thub, thub-thub--

Joe

Guys, I remember all important dates that have to do with our friends and family.

Nick

Of course you do, yeah. When's my birthday?

Joe

Some time this year?

Nick

Lucky guess.

Joe

Guys, it doesn't matter how I remembered. The important thing about remembering is that I remembered. (Stella enters)

Stella

Knock knock. Hey.

Joe

Hey, Stella. Do you remember what today is?

Stella

Oh, yeah. It's be kind to chipmunks day.

Joe

Yeah--

Stella

I got your email, Kevin.

Kevin

Good 'cause I got an extra acorn for everybody. (gives an acorn to Nick then Nick throws it away)

Stella

Oh no no no, wait-- unless these t-shirts answer your question. (shows the gray t-shirt) It's our "15-year friend-a-versary."

Joe

Happy friend-a-versary.

Happy friend-a-versary!

Stella

I know.

Joe

15 years ago today, I spilled chocolate milk all over my shirt and you were the only person that didn't laugh at me.

Stella

Well, I mean, how could I laugh? Someone had to blot out your corduroy jumper with seltzer.

Kevin

Well, think about it, if you guys didn't meet, you guys wouldn't have become friends, That why you wouldn't become our stylist which means we would probably be walking on the streets looking like this.

Stella

It was a good thing that I came along.

Joe

Yeah, I mean, we need you like the winter needs the spring.

Kevin

Or an ice cream cone needs sprinkles.

Nick

Like a pirate needs a hook for a hand, an eye-patch, and a parrot. Wow you need a lot of things to be a pirate.

Kevin

They're coming, I swear. Better late than never. (Joe and Nick left the classroom and they go to the table and Nick takes his lunch bag from Kevin then he sits upright) Finally, guys. (the three students walk away)

Joe

So you guys, I was thinking we should do something special for Stella for our "friend-a-versary" like throw her a party.

Nick

Good idea.

Kevin

We need to figure out what kind of party a girl would like. You know what we need for that?

Joe

A girl. Excuse me, miss! (asks a female student)

Kevin

No, Joe, not just any girl. We need Macy.

Macy

(pops up) You "Macy'd"?

Joe

How did you do that?

Macy

I wasn't following you around trying to listen to your conversation if that's what you're suggesting.

Nick

Macy, we need your help. We want to throw a party for Stella.

Macy

Ooh! (sits down)

Joe

What kind of party would Stella really like?

Macy

Stella love surprises and I love surprises too. I love ice cream and-- and party games and balloon animals.

Kevin

Macy.

Macy

Oh right, Stella. Um... Stella loves karaoke.

Joe

That's right. We can throw her a surprise karaoke party. Can you come over later and help us plan it?

Macy

Are you serious?

Nick

We're serious.

Joe

Seriously.

Stella

Hey, guys. (walk over to the table)

Joe

Shh, remember, big surprise.

Kevin

Oh no, I'm not good at this.

Stella

Not good at what? (asks Kevin)

Kevin

(stammers) C--crunking. (stands up) (Nick grabs the lunch bag) (hip-hop music plays) (moans)

Nick

Kevin, let's crunk it over there, please. (stands up and takes Kevin's bag and lunch off the table then tosses the bag and the lunch to Kevin but Kevin picks up his bag and lunch)

Kevin

Oh! oh! Okay. (Nick and Kevin leave Stella, Joe and Macy)

Joe

(sighs) Phew, he almost blew it.

Stella

Almost blew what? (sits down)

Macy

Uh...

Joe

This trumpet. (shows the music instrument and holds it) (laughs)

Joe

I'll just go and put it in my locker.

Macy

(gasps) The croonmaster 5000. Stella's gonna freak. She thought the 4000 was awesome. (Joe opens the manual)

Joe

Yeah, but this one's even a thousand times more awesome. (flips the pages of the manual) But you've got to be a genious to figure out how to turn this thing on.

Macy

(takes the manual from Joe) Let me see this. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. (closes the manual and throws it on the floor) (dance music playing)

Wow.

Joe

Genious in the house.

Stella

Hello! is anybody up there?

Joe

(gasps) Uh-oh! Stella's in the house.

Macy

Hide the evidence! (she lets the balloons go to the ceiling then covers the flowers) (StellaVator beeping to make the streamers go) (Joe presses a button the remote to make the balloons and the Croonmaster 5000 go up) (she takes the tablecloth off the ottomann) (Joe and Macy realize that they hide the manual then they dive to hide it under the tablecloth)

Stella

(enters the bedroom) Macy. What are you doing here... on the floor... with Joe?

Macy

I was... helping him with his math homework.

Joe

Uh... yeah.

Stella

I didn't know you were any good in math.

Joe

(he and Macy stand up) Oh, she's very mathematical. That's why they call her "Mathy Macy."

Stella

No one has ever called her "Mathy Macy." And besides, I mean, I was the one that helped you with your math homework.

Joe

Yeah, I just thought I'd give a break I know what a handful I can be.

Macy

Yeah.

Stella

Oh. Well in that case, where are all the books, the calcucators... the crying?

Joe

Well, we're doing mental math. It's like jumping jacks for the brain.

Macy

(chuckles) Yeah.

Stella

Oh. Well, I just brought these pants to go with the friend-a-versary shirts and now I'll go. Don't want to keep you two from adding your figures together. (leaves)

Joe

Bye.

Macy

Later.

Stella

So what are you up to later?

Macy

Huh? Oh-- uh-- sorry-- busy-- can't. (Joe tells Macy to meet him)

Stella

But I didn't even ask you anything yet.

Macy

Um-- hey Stella, have you seen Mr. Newman today? He's wearing that terrible sweater vest again, (Stella gasps) you know, with the cat's face on the front and the cat's butts' on the back. Yeah, he's right over there.

Stella

(about to take the phone from the purse) No! Where's my phone? I have to get a picture of him for my wall of shame. (turns around but Macy isn't there) Wait, where? Macy? Macy? (looks for Macy)

Stella

You can’t do homework later, cause you’re too busy...doing...homework?

Macy

Hey.

Joe

Hey. We need to figure out a way to keep Stella busy before the surprise party.

Macy

Right. We have to be sneaky.

Stella

(appears) Sneaky? About what? (Joe and Macy gasp)

Joe

Sneaky is the name of Macy's friend's cat. She ran away from home.

Macy

What? Oh! Right. I better put up these flyers... right after I make them. (leaves)

Stella

Hmm, so do you wanna maybe do some homework later? (Joe walks to her)

Joe

Later-- I can't. I'm going to be doing homework.

Stella

You can’t do homework later, because you’re too busy doing homework?

Joe

Yes.

Stella

Oh. Okay. Well, I won't be able to see you later because I'll be too busy not seeing you. How do you like me now? (leaves)

Macy

Do you think she's onto us? (arrives again)

Joe

Doesn't suspect a thing.

Macy

Good.

Joe

So you're still coming over later, right?

Macy

Oh of course. To do "homework." (leaves with Joe) (Stella is suspicious)

Stella

I know what's going on between you and Joe.

Macy

You do?

Stella

Yes, I do. All this sneaking off together.

Macy

We just wanted to surprise you.

Stella

Wait, what? Surprise me? What are you talking about?

Macy

What do you mean, what am I talking about?

Stella

You like Joe.

Macy

Of course I like Joe.

Stella

I knew it!

Macy

I know you knew it.

Stella

You knew I know it?

Macy

How could I not know you know?

Stella

Macy!

Macy

Stella! Wait, what are we talking about?

Stella

You like Joe!

Macy

Of course I like Joe! Oh! Whoa! Wait wait! Stop the bus. There is nothing going on between me and Joe. (ringtone playing) Oh. (Joe calls)

Stella

Aren't you going to answer your phone?

Macy

No. Because I love my new ringtone. Doesn't it rock? (dances to the music)

Stella

It's Joe, isn't it?

Macy

Don't be silly.

Stella

(wants Macy's phone) Let me see your phone. Let me see your phone. Let me see your phone-- (phone shatters) (stomps)

Macy

(groans) Oh! I think the battery just died. (walks away from Stella) (Stella closes Macy's locker and picks up her bag then walks away mad)

Stella

Okay, spill it!

Kevin

(Drop paper cup so the juice spill) You know that was my last glass of cranberry juice? You could’ve just said, oh I don’t know,--"Drink It"?

Stella

What is going on between Macy and Joe? (Kevin and Nick are acting suspicious)

Nick

(turns around) And by "Joe", you mean?

Stella

You know who I'm talking about. Macy and Joe, they've been spending a ton of time together. And they're acting all secretive and weird.

Nick

And by "weird", you mean?

Stella

I mean weird! Like mysterious, and annoying. Kind of like two of you are acting right now.

Whatever do you mean, Stella Malone? (Nick continues to try to open his locker)

Stella

Look, if Macy and Joe want to be together, that's fine. (Nick still can't open his locker) I'm fine with that.(Nick steps away when Stella is about to remove Nick's locker door) I just don't like being only one that doesn't know about it. (Nick is shocked) Here's your door.(gives Nick the locker door) (Joe arrives and she walks to him) Joe! Joe. Joe--

Joe

Hey, wanna hang out Friday?

Stella

What?

Joe

I thought we'd hang, chill, do some homework, you and me.

Stella

Um-- well... yeah, I'm free. Yeah, that sounds really great.

Joe

Cool. Later. (Stella leaves then Kevin and Nick walk to him)

Nick

(holding his locker door) Why couldn't you have showed up before she ripped my door off? (shows Joe the locker door)

Kevin

You owe me a cranberry juice! (he leaves) (Then Nick leaves while he shakes his head)