I can't believe you're going to miss our school's basketball championship. Where is your school spirit?
(he stands up cheering with one arm and Kevin looks at him annoyed then Nick sits back down) That was it.
Joe, are you almost ready? (Joe goes upstairs) Stella's gonna be here any minute. I have to be there early before the pep rally.
My cold's gotten worst. I don't wanna disappoint Stella again. (Tom enters the bedroom) She was really hurt last time.
Tom: Hey, Joe, I heard you have a cold, and you're going out to some basketball game tonight? This doctor prescribes a little no way, Jose.
You're singing "Great Morning USA" tomorrow morning. Millions of TVs are gonna be tuning in to JONAS.
Oh, now, I get it. (Nick shakes his head)
Don't make me sic mom on you. You don't want her coming at you with grandma's thermometer.(he leaves the bedroom and Stella enters)
StellaHey! So what do you think? (shows Joe the outfit) Just something I threw on, in, like, six hours
Stella, I can't go. I'm sick.
Stella
No, Joe, you're wrong. You're more than sick. You're about to be dead.
Stella
Look, Joe, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore. Totally that's fine. I'll still be your stylist. I just wish, you wouldn't feed me, with one excuse one after another, you know? Just have some respect for me. (she leaves upset)
Do you want me to draw some more smiley faces?
Stella's more mad at me than ever. Will somebody please tell me what to do? Kevin. Forget it. Nick?
Never mind. Kevin. Wait, Nick's right. I should take Stella to the game. Thanks, Nick.
But I knew what you were thinking. You and me.
Joe, if you sing bad tomorrow, it'll look the band look bad. Plus, you can't disobey dad like that just because you hurt somebody's feelings.
It's not someone. It's Stella. (he goes to the pole)
Why'd you give him that idea?
Well, yeah. All I said was... So technically, you're more to blame.
All I said was "well." (he closes the book and storms off)
(he slides down the middle pole and runs to her) Stella. Stella, wait.
Stella
What, Joe?
I'm sorry. Do you still wanna go to the game with me?
Stella
I thought you were sick.
Sick. What gave you that idea? (he sneezes) I always sneeze before the big games. It's good luck.
Stella
You're weird.
But in a cute way, right?
Stella
Barely. Come on, let's go.
Go, praying mantises! (he coughs)
Stella
Are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm fine. Kick their butt-- (he continues to cough)
Stella
Mm-hmm. He said kick their butts! (tells the crowd)
Stella
Thanks.
Hi, guys. Can me and Nick steal these seats?
Stella
Hey, Macy. That's not Nick. That's Randolph dressed as Nick.
I meant Nick like nickname Nick. Come on, Nick. Let's go get some nachos. (they leave)
Stella
Hey, I'm really glad we're doing this. (Joe coughs) It was weird there for a while. It was like you were trying to avoid me.
Avoid you? How could I avoid you? I mean, we go to school together. We work together. (he still coughs) That was awesome. Did you see that?
Stella
I know. I just-- Still you were making it pretty impossible to keep a date
This is not one of those.
Stella
One of what? (a basketball swishes then Stella and Joe are cheering) You mean a date?
Stella
What is wrong with you?
Nothing. I'm just trying to protect an important friendship.
Stella
Huh?
We're not on one of those things that people go on--those things.
Stella
You mean like a date? A date.
Stella
Joe, you are being ridiculous. I mean, it's like you have a problem with us dat--
Stella
Dating!
Stella
Yeah, I know. I realize that. I'm just saying it seems you'd have a problem with it if we were, which we are not. Right. If being alone with me is so traumatic for you, don't worry about it because it's never gonna happen again. (she leaves the game)
Stella, Stella, wait. Stell- (coughs)
Thought I'd listen to Kevin's advice, and have a little more school spirit. The only reason I don't come to these games because I never meet anyone like myself.
Nachos? (he offers Nick nachos and Macy is fixing the wig)
I'll see you at home. (he leaves)
Stella
Why does romance have to be so hard? (she puts her head on Macy's shoulder)
Aw! Well, excuse me. I have no idea what you're talking about? My love is a touch of rockin' with a touch of rollin'
Stella
Well, good.
I'm sorry. It's just not gonna work between us. Here's your Nick outfit, your Nick hat, and your Nick instruction manual you left for me. If you see me in class, just call me Randolph or Randy or Edgar really anything but Nick. (he walks away)
Stella
Aw, Mace. I'm sorry.(she hugs Macy)
(sighs) It's for the best. I just can't being seen with someone who isn't comfortable being himself.
Hey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Stella
Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella
Thank you.
Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Stella
Um, nothing.
Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
(he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
SMiss Snark
I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
SMiss Snart
Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
SMiss Snark
Brilliant! You've got the part.
Perfection! You've got the part.
SMiss Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
I still say we got our roles 'cause we're celebrities. I mean, how else do you explain landing a role after saying one word.
I didn't even say a word. (Mrs. Snark is going to remove the sign up sheet and she puts the program up)
Mrs. Snark, we're a little concerned that we may gotten our roles because of you know, who we are. (he, Joe and Kevin are feeling concerned because they landed their roles so easily unlike everyone else)
You absolutely got your roles because of who you are and who you are, are fine young actors. When you've been a biology/drama teacher as long as I, you only need to hear one word sometimes less-- to recognize talent. Bravo. (claps her hands) I can assure you that casting you had nothing to do with your ability to sell tickets. (she leaves with the sign up sheet)
Yeah, nothing to do with it at all.
Stella
(she enters) So did you guys hear? I got the part. I got the part. I am playing "Lady Bona-la-chew--habla-beau-la-blech." Ahem.
Wait, isn't that the love interest to Porthos played by our very own Joe?
is it? I haven't read it that far, so...
Stella
Uh, me neither.
Stella
(taps the box) Oh, this is my wig. I guess I have big fancy hair to go with my big fancy name.
(points to the box) Why does it say box "1 of 3"?
Stella
(holding her wig up) I thought high heels were hard.
Musketeers-- Athos, Porthos and Aramis-- You are deciding whether to trust a criminal to help rescue Porthos's true love. (Stella is locked at the top of the tower while holding a handkerchief) Aramis, from your line.
(steps forward) Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Stella
(drops the wig then Kevin, Joe and Nick are looking at it) Sorry.
Staple gun! Everybody take five.(Kevin, Stella and Nick are walking offstage except Joe) Porthos, let's work on your monologue. Okay (walks offstage)
Stop! I'm not feeling Porthos. You're giving me Joe. I love Joe. But I want Porthos.
Ahem. (looks at the audience and Mrs Snark) The night has fallen. (Stella, Kevin and Nick are worried about Joe) The night has fallen. And within my heart... (sweat is on his face then warped laughters of Mrs. Snark, Stella, Nick and Kevin appears)
Stella
What are you doing?
(blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down then Joe's sweating face is shown up close)
Porthos? Porthos? (Joe is back to reality and Mrs. Snark tells him to say his line)(Stella, Nick and Kevin are still worried about Joe then he drops his sword and runs out of the auditorium)
Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
You looked pretty nervous up there.
Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Why do you suddenly stage fright?
I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
You are an excellent Joe.
Best one I've ever worked with.
But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)
What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
Stella
Joe, are you okay?
You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
Do you have another brother?
There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
Magnificent! You've got the part.
The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)
It's my talent and hard work that's made me a great athlete. Nerks!(she is angry)(walks in front of Kevin then she turns around to apologize) Ooh! I'm sorry. It's just we lost yesterday I didn't have my lucky charm. I threw nothing but bricks. Me! Mighty Mite Macy Misa!
(he takes off his boot and gives it to Macy) Here.
(holds Kevin's boot and walks while holding with it) Your Jacques LeFajette size 8 and a half calfskin boot in hot cocoa brown? (she turns around) Why?
Don't tell anybody, but I believe in lucky charms too. That's my lucky boot. I want you to have it.
But how do you know it's lucky, besides the obvious fact it gets to hug your foot all day and night.
I wear it every single night on stage. I’ve never done a performance without it, and I’ve never been struck by lightning! Now, if that’s not lucky I don’t know what is.
Well, then come on lucky boot. Let's go kick some butt! (she leaves with Kevin's boot then he is walking with one boot one)
Hey, Joe, can we talk about the play?
Aren't you guys gonna ask me about my boot first? (he is shown wearing a sock on his left foot)
JNJoe and Nick
No. (they shake their heads)
Joe, seeing as how you decided to leave the play, me and Nick want to let you know that if you wanted us to quit, we will. (Nick nods in agreement) I really really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really really don't want to but I will.
Guys. I don't you to quit because of me. It's really cool. I appreciate it. I guess we are The Musketeers. (horns blow)
Stella
Hey.
Hey, my two Musketeers. Let's hit play practice.
I think you mean rehearsal.
Rehearsal, yeah. That's what Mrs. Snark called it. (notices that Kevin isn't wearing one of his boots) Hey, where's your boot?
Thank you for asking. You know, it is a crazy story... It happened to me a little earlier
Stella
Look, um, I was sorry to see you quit.
Yeah, well, Van Dyke stepped right in there. I mean, I'm not Van Dyke Tosh, you know?
Stella
Well, he's not you.
Yeah, well, he's a pretty good looking guy, though.
Stella
Do you want to lie to you?
Hey, Stella, come on! One for all and all for fun!
How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)
MMan
Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Stella
Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Stella
Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
Stella
Joe, what are you doing?
I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Stella
Why not?
Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Stella
Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
(he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
(wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
NJNick, Joe, and Kevin
(Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!
Stella
(she is keeping an eye out for Fiona and Paolo while Joe hides his face behind his history book and Kevin also his face hides but for no reason) Coast is clear.
(closes the book) I can't do this anymore. I just read a whole page of my history book. She's driving me crazy.
(walks up to Joe) Really? According to this blog, you guys have secret nicknames for each other. You call her "Fifi" and she calls you "Pookins".
I cannot believe they printed that. Now, they're not secret anymore. Now you gotta find--
There are no nicknames. She's making it all up to help her career. I just wish there was a way we could get rid of her.
Stella
You know, Joe, if you need help getting rid of this girl, I could always talk to her. (slams locker loudly)
And by talk, you mean rip her hair out.
Stella
If by hair, you mean those cheap extensions?
Why can't we just ask Big Man to help?
Yeah, that's a great idea. (Big Man is carrying her away)
No, put me down! Put me down right now!
"How JONAS picks up girls."
Yeah, why does Joe have to be such a media magnet.
Joe I can't help it. It's the curse of the cool.
Wait a minute. That's it. If Fiona thinks being connected to you makes her look cool, then what if you weren’t cool?
Hey, what's up? But I am.
Stella
Okay, can we move past this part.
What if Fiona thought you were so uncool that it actually made her look bad to be seen with you.
Stella
Yeah yeah yeah, she wouldn't be interested at all.
Joe She'd run for the hills.
Nick Exactly. (Joe, Nick and Stella walk away)
So we know she lives in the hills. (follows Joe, Nick and Stella)
You had to take a look on Fiona's face when she saw me. When I told her that I was going to go out as the real "Joe" in public...
The girl ran for the hills.
We're pretty sure she lives there.
Stella
Yay. (excitely claps her hands)
I can promise you that's the last time we're gonna be seeing Fiona Skye.
Hi, pookins! (arrives at school with Paolo)
KJKevin, Joe, Stella and Nick
Oh no.
Paolo posted the pictures he took at your house and the fan sites are on fire!
"Fiona brings out the real Joe." (she hands her phone to Joe and he looks at the picture) (pop ringtone rings) (Joe gives her phone back to her) (clears throat) (Paolo picks up the phone then he puts it on Fiona's ear and she talks on it) Hello. Fiona. No no no! I specifically said my romance with Joe should be kept private. And you can print that! (Paolo gives the phone back to her and they walk away)
Stella
(screams)
Wow. You should be in "Scream Until You Die Screaming." (Joe checks his ear) That would've been good. (Stella looks at him)
It's hopeless. No matter what I say or do, all the magazines are talking about is my "romance" with Fiona.
Not true. They also mention that you're a world-class nerd.
Thanks, Nick. That'll do.
(on the stairs) Then we've gotta get them talking something else. Because the best way to end one rumor...
Stella
You are a genious.
(walks down the stairs and goes to the table then sits wth Stella, Nick, Kevin and Joe) You don't get to be head of the #1 JONAS fan club, without knowing how to deal with gossip.
Where did we go wrong, professor?
To get Fiona Skye to leave you alone, you tried to make yourself less attractive.
There is absolutely no way you could make yourself less attractive.
What you need to do is make the sites and mags believe that you've found someone more attractive than Fiona. "Joe Dumps Fiona For Mystery Girl."
Stella
Yeah, well, you're going to need pictures.
That means we'll need a mystery girl.
We can put Nick in a wig and a dress.
Um, you're probably right. That's more publicity than we're looking for. Um, there's gotta be somebody. (he, Joe, Nick, Macy and Stella are thinking then he, Joe, Nick and Macy have found the mystery girl)
Stella
Oh no. No. No. No.
(she is taking pictures of Joe and Stella at the bedroom while Kevin is holding the fan and Nick is holding the lamp) Great, now take her hand. (Joe takes Stella's hand)
What do you want me to do with it? (asks Macy)
(walks to Joe and Stella) Hold it. Now, look at her like you're in love.
Stella
Is that your in-love face or did you just eat a bad taco?
(takes more pics) Okay, moving on. (Joe and Stella are wearing winter clothes and they are holding ski equipment) Now you're skiing down a big hill. (Kevin throws snow at Stella) Smile. The wind is your face. All right, now swoosh to a stop. Okay, now a big hug.(Kevin is throwing snow then Joe and Stella begin to hug) A-all right. (Joe and Stella continue to to hug) Well, hug high and his arm. Uh, no-- you're getting a little tangled there. (sighs) (takes one last pic and Kevin is next to her) (Now gaze into each other's eyes. And closer. And closer. And closer. Now kiss her! (tells Joe to kiss Stella)
JSJoe and Stella
I'm done. (they walk away from each other then Macy stops taking pictures)
Jonas · 237 quotes
