Kevin Lucas quotes from Jonas

Kevin

I said dogs could hear it. I didn’t say dogs would like it.

Nick

Whose dog was that anyway?

Joe

I don’t know, but he just left a review of Kevin’s guitar playing in the corner.

Nick

She got a frog in her throat.

Kevin

There’s a bug going around.

Nick

No. She was swimming in a swamp and got an actual frog in her throat.

Nick

Then there’s no symptoms of vertigo of nausea?

Kevin

No, no. I just got really dizzy then I puked.

Nick

Good lungs. And if she can carry a tune, Kevin can help her sound awesome.

Kevin

Besides how bad could she be?

Stella

Ok, one time during a softball game, she was singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," and they called animal control because they thought there was an injured manatee on the field. A manatee!

Kevin

[Struming guitar] Manatees. You know the way we treat these friendly cow-people of the sea... says a lot about the way we treat each other.

Nick

Didn't you tell him we don't have time for songs? Put the guitar down and turn the lights back on. [Kevin sat down, putting his guitar down as the lights turned on] Thank you.

Nick

Ruining all our the clothes, messing up Stella’s date, I think somebody needs to be taught a lesson.

Kevin

If all that fancy talkin’ means having fun with Joe, then I am so in!

Kevin

Joe! She didn’t even notice your outfit!

Oh, we noticed.

Joe

It was just a joke.

We are not amused.

Kevin

Hey Joe, if they throw you in the dungeon, can I have your new guitar?

Joe

Hey, guys, check it out. There's a new How well do you know JONAS quiz? in the new "Teenster"magazine. Let's see how well I know Joe. Yes, no, yes, no, Armadillo. Ah! Five out of five. I'm a real Joe-nut.

Nick

Hey, your favorite snack is not cherry pudding.

Kevin

Yeah, it's chocolate tacos. (romantic music plays) mmm. And your favorite color is not medium spring green.

Nick

It's electric indigo.

Kevin

We need to straighten Teenster magazine out.

Nick

We should do that.

Kevin

We need to write a letter. Uh, anybody have a pen? (He, Nick and Joe check their pockets.)

Nick

No.

Joe

Hold on. (Walks over to window and opens it. The sound of scream fans flood the place.) Excuse me girls, does anybody have a pen? INCOMING!

Joe

Clear.

Joe

Wow! Our fans are the best.

Nick

And they’re freakishly accurate.

Kevin

Dear, Teenster Magazine.

Joe

Oh! Look at her. Have you ever seen anyone so beautiful? Look at how she plays. Such passion!

Joe

Punch me in the arm so I know I’m not dreaming.

Nick

(Punches Joe in the arm very hard.)

Joe

(Grunts) Not dreaming cause that really hurt.

Kevin

Unless you're dreaming that it really hurt. So that it would make it a "dream-hurt".

Nick

(Punches Kevin in the arm very hard.) Did that dream-hurt or regular-hurt?

Kevin

(Mumbles) Not a dream-hurt.

Joe

Hi.

Hi.

Joe

Can I carry that for you?

Sure.

Joe

(grunting) Have you ever considered a forklift? So, what's your name?

Angelina.

Joe

Angelina, like angel with an "ina" on the end.

Yeah. My mom calls me Annie-bug. My little sister calls me Annie bu-banny. But most people call me Angie. What's your name?

Joe

Really?

Well, you know mine.

Joe

Joseph. Joe for short. My brothers call me danger. My mom calls me Joe-bear. But let's keep that between us because I don't want that leaking to the media.

The media? Oh! I know who you are. You're one of those brothers in that band that goes here.

Joe

Yup, JONAS me, Kevin and Nick. The guys staring right at us. (Joe points to Kevin and Nick then Angelina sees Joe's brothers so Kevin hides behind his locker and Nick waves at Angelina and she waves back) So do you want to grab something to eat sometime?

No thanks. I don't go out with rockstars.

Joe

Why? Don't you eat?

Look, you're famous. You have a posse. You probably played to thousands of screaming fans.

Joe

Tens of thousands. Isn't that cool?

Not really. I just don't go out with rock star types.

Joe

But I'm a nice rock star type.

I have orchestra. (Bell rings and she leaves to her class)

Joe

(Sad) Okay. Bye.

Kevin

So you're going out with cello girl.

Joe

No, she says because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.

Nick

What? In my experience, girls like guys because they're rock stars.

Kevin

Sometimes, I wonder if that's the only reason girls like me. Well, that and my boyish charm. (Kevin's teeth dings and Nick shakes his head)

Joe

Guys, this is serious. I think I like her.

Kevin

Like really like her like her.?

Joe

Like really like her like her.

Kevin

Really?

Joe

Like yeah!

Nick

Then we'll help you show the sweet, down to earth panda-loving guy you really are

Joe

I do love pandas

Kevin

I love koalas. (sighs) They're so emo, and they eat all that eucalyptus so their breath is so minty fresh!

Nick

Trust me.

Kevin

I don't smell anything.

Nick

(Closes the book) Okay, if we see Angelina, we give Joe the signal.

Kevin

What if the signal is we stand completely still?

Nick

What kind of signal is that?

Kevin

The best kind because it's so subtle. No one will even know that it's happening.

Nick

Is that the signal? Is she coming? (He turns around if he sees Angelina then he looks at Kevin)

Kevin

No, I am just demonstrating.

Nick

How am I supposed to know the difference between the signal and when you're just standing still.

Kevin

True. Hmm. Okay, when I do this... is when I give the signal which is this.

Joe

Look, Amy from Boise writes, "Joe, even though we've never met, I know you're a very kind and generous person". And look she would know because she signs it xoxo-xoxo, heart, heart, smiley face.

Nick

Joe, I know you like Angelina, but she's just one girl, okay? Unless she has an identical twin, in which case she is mistaken and I apologize

Kevin

And dude, it is time to move on!

Joe

I don't want to move on. I've never met a girl like her. She's passionate, talented and beautiful.

Tom

So who's passionate, talented and beautiful besides your mother? (chuckles) (whispers) She could hear everything through those holes

Joe

This girl at school, she thinks because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.

Tom

Your mom and I worked very hard, so you wouldn't turn into some kind of rock star jerk. All right? If I do say so myself, I think we've done pretty well with all you boys.

Joe

It's just she won't come within a mile of me.

Joe

What?

Tom

You're not a jerk, all right? Just be yourself and she'll realize she's wrong, okay? Even if you do just the littlest thing, a woman will appreciate it. (loudly) Because women are perspective, sensitive and intelligent.

Nick

Dad, mom's at the park with Frankie.

Tom

Oh, yeah, that's right. (loudly) Nevermind.

Nick

What's the emergency?

Joe

This is not working. I joined orchestra and Angelina hates me even more for it.

Kevin

I guess we're gonna have to talk you up in front of her, (loudly) tell her how awesome of a guy you are! I didn't do that right, did I?

Nick

No.

Mr. Phelps

Excuse me, the only annoying noise, I allow in here is by the orchestra.

Nick

Cool, in that case sign us up. (Joe and Kevin look at him) Trust me.

Mr. Phelps

Really? All three professional musicians want to to join my orchestra on the same day. Is this a joke or? Oh, I get it. I get it. I'm being punk'd right? Oh, I'll play along. What do you guys want to play?

Nick

Anything by Mozart would be nice.

Kevin

Oh, if we could stay away from "Peter and the Wolf. Wolves scare me and I'm not so sure about that Peter either.

Mr. Phelps

I meant which instruments?

Kevin

Oh, that.

Nick

Oh, yeah, okay.

Nick

Here try this one. Remember, it's a side with the strings on it.

Kevin

(chuckles) Yeah.

Mr. Phelps

Yeah, hey, um... you're in.

Kevin

Whew!

Mr. Phelps

Everybody make room for Kevin. Come on everybody, slide down. Move.

Kevin

Well, cello there. See what I did? I put "hello" and "cello" together. Joe's a really great guy.

Mr. Phelps

How about you? What can you play?

Nick

What have you got?

Mr. Phelps

Piano.

Nick

This one goes out to Angelina in the strings section. My bro, he’s the kindest guy that I know, he likes to take things slow, he’s just a regular Joe.

Mr. Phelps

Welcome to the orchestra.

Nick

Huh. Thank you. I'll be here all period.

Mr. Phelps

All right. All right. Settle down, people. Settle down. As you know the school recital is coming up and our version of "The Blue Danube" sounds like cats in wet cement. Yes, I'm looking at you, violins. So if we could please just get through it once with no one hurting themselves. And... four years of dentistry school down the tubes.

Nick

30's your limit, bro. I'm cutting you off.

Joe

Don't count, man! That's not cool.

Stella

Hey, guys. What's up?

Kevin

Did you bring the stuff?

Stella

What stuff? Send.

Kevin

Joe is in crisis mode. I texted you over an hour ago. I needed you to bring the rainbow sprinkled donuts and the coffee flavored ice cream.

Stella

"Stop yelling at us." (laughing and gives the notepad back to Nick) I'm fine. Everything's fine. Sorry about the yelling. Ice cream and donuts, coming right up.

Nick

Stella, you do realize you do not have a cell phone in your hands, right?

Stella

I may not have a cell phone, but at least I have my sanity. Send. (she leaves and Nick sits on the stool across from Joe)

Joe

I only joined the orchestra so I could impress Angelina, but we just made things worse.

Kevin

We?

Nick

Joe, music is the one thing that you and Angelina both love. Show her how passionate you are and she'll come around.

Joe

How can I show her my passion for music with this? (picks up the triangle and plays it)

Nick

All right. Let's not be so quick to judge the triangle. In many ways you and the triangle are a lot alike.

Kevin

Three-sided? Made of metal? Really annoying?

Nick

No, disrespected. Put down!

Joe

Misunderstood!

Nick

Right.

Kevin

Yeah, totally! And he's made of metal?

Joe

I rock the triangle so hard. You're welcome.

Nick

Cello girl, 4:00

Hi, Joe.

Joe

Hi

Your solo was amazing. Sorry I was kind of a snob there.

Joe

Do snobs eat chocolate tacos? We're gonna go grab some.

Chocolate tacos? They're my favorite!

Joe

Mine too.

Kevin

They're not your favorite. They're my favorite.

Kevin

Remember what Teenster magazine said?

Kevin

Never mind. It hurts too much to care.

Nick

What's up, Macy?

Macy

It's--it's--the boys who shall not be named. J-J--J-J--J--

Nick

J--J

Joe

What? What? What?

Stella

I can't take it anymore! Yes! Yes! Good. Texting Good! O.M.G.! Oh, I'm here, baby. Mama's here. I'll never leave you again.

Macy

You're texting! You're texting!

Stella

Yeah, I cracked, okay? You win! Just leave us alone. (she leaves)

Macy

I can talk. I can talk. JONAS. JONAS. JONAS. Joe of JONAS, can you sign my program from last night's performance?

Joe

Sure, why not? Does anybody have a pen? (he checks his pockets)

Joe

Oops.

Run!

Kevin

Psst. What's wrong, bro?)

Joe

Nick, play the new song you wrote. (tells Nick play the new song)

Nick

I couldn't come up with a new song!

What?