Jeeves, unpleasantness has reared its ugly head in the West 1 postal district.
S2 E4Jeeves in the Country
And this is my friend Bertie Wooster.
JWJ. Washburn Stoker
[frowning] Wooster!
[smiling] Well, well, well! Old Colonel Wooster in person. [walks over to Bertie]
Oh, well, you know....
Well, sir, this has certainly made my day, you little blob of sunshine. [tweaks Bertie's cheek, then takes him by the arm] Isn't he looking lovely, Father?
JWJ. Washburn Stoker
Come away from that man, Pauline. That man is bad news!
[Pauline makes an expression of mock horror with widened eyes]
[referring to Marmaduke "Chuffy" Chuffnell] Well, no one would say that "Marmaduke" was a beautiful name, wantonly and without good reason.
[sighs] All right. Less of the Sherlock stuff. I'm not trying to hide anything.
Uh-huh. And you love this, um — [chuckles] excuse me — this Marmaduke?
I'm dippy about him, Bertie. Don't you just worship the way his hair sort of fluffs up at the back?
My dear girl, I have better things to do than go about staring at the back of Chuffy's head. The front's bad enough.
Well, there's only one thing for it, Jeeves: Chuffy must be shoved over the brink.
I do not quite follow you, sir.
What he needs is a jolt. If he thought that there was a grave danger of some other bloke scooping her up, well, wouldn't that make him forget those dashed silly ideas of his and charge ahead, breathing fire through the nostrils?
Jealousy is undoubtedly a powerful motivating energy, sir.
And what about the oof situation?
The what?
The oof, the dibs, the do-re-mi, the happy cabbage, the oil of palm.
Yes, yes, I do speak English.
She must have had a wonderful time being engaged to you. What on earth made her accept you, I wonder.
Do you know, I once consulted a knowledgeable pal, and his theory was that the sight of me hanging around like a loony sheep awoke the maternal instinct in woman. There may be something in this.
[as firemen arrive to put out a fire raging at the cottage where he's staying, Bertie, reeling in pain, crawls on his hands and knees to sit against a tree]
I blame you for this, Jeeves.
With respect, sir, I merely intended Mr. Stoker to discover his daughter at your cottage. So strongly does he disapprove of you that I expected him to look more kindly on Miss Stoker's putative engagement to Lord Chuffnell. The fact that His Lordship should also discover her here, and in mortal peril, was, as the Americans say, pure gravy.
[Jeeves regards the unfolding drama with satisfaction. Bertie stares at the scene, dumbfounded at first; as Jeeves's words sink in, he begins to smile, then winces again in pain]
S2 E5Kidnapped!
Save the congratulations for later, Jeeves, but as the French might say, it is dans le sac.
What had you done to those people, Bertie?
I was once engaged to their daughter.
Ah.
Foreign travel often liberates emotions best kept in check, sir, and the air of North America is notoriously stimulating in this regard, as witness the regrettable behavior of its inhabitants in 1776.
What happened in 1776, Jeeves?
I prefer not to dwell on it, if it's convenient to you, sir.
JWJ. Washburn Stoker
If you think I'm going to let my daughter marry a man who consorts with common criminals, you do not know the middle west of America!
Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope made frequent re—
Oh, never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves.
No, sir.
There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't.
Very true, sir.
MMagistrate
These are serious charges. But I'm inclined to believe that you, Alfred Trotsky, and you, Frederick Aloisius Lenin, were led astray. You are discharged. But as for the rest of you — Boko Disraeli, Oofy Lloyd George, Barmy Lord Tennyson and the rest — not only have you been guilty of a breach of the peace of considerable magnitude, I also strongly suspect that you have given false names and addresses! You are each fined the sum of five pounds.
I say!
MMagistrate
Quiet, Dr. Crippen!
S2 E6Jeeves the Matchmaker
[Tuppy, speaking of a rift in his relationship with Angela Travers]
You know she has given me the push!
No!
She has! Simply because I was man enough to speak out candidly on the subject of a ghastly hat she was chump enough to buy. Fwuh!
What do you mean, fwuh?
All I said was, it made her look like a raccoon peering out from underneath a flower pot. Which it did.
Yes, well they're not all too keen on fearless honesty, I find.
Well, your cousin Angela certainly isn't.
Not about hats, anyway.
You know that play — oh, what was its dashed name — the one I saw last night.
No, sir.
It's on at the whatcha-call-it. Anyway, the hero's a chap who is buzzing along through life, you know, quite merry and bright, apart from his gammy leg from the war. And all of a sudden, this kid turns up, and says that she's his daughter ... left over from act one. And it's absolutely the first he's ever heard of it! So obviously, there's a bit of a fuss, and they say to him what ho, and he says what ho. And ... anyway, he takes the kid, and they go off together, out into the world!
Very inspiring, sir.
Yes well, I thought so, yes.
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