I knew Barmy hadn't lost his touch!
S3 E5Hot Off the Press
Oh Fujiyama, you get a mama
Then your troubles increase.
In some pagoda she orders soda
The earth shakes milk shakes ten cents a piece.
They kissee and huggee nice
By jingo, it's worth the price.
Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccy
And the women wicky wacky woo.
You just have to act your age
Or wind up inside a cage.
Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccy
And the women wicky wacky woo.
Bertie Wooster Well, now Jeeves! That's a bit more like it, eh?
[attempting to be diplomatic] Extremely ... invigorating, sir.
Yes, Jeeves, it's just the word I would have used. Yes, it makes you want to get up and bally well have a run around the park.
My feelings precisely, sir.
How's Stinker?
Who?
Your fiance.
I don't have a fiance. If a girl's fiance can't stand up to a girl's uncle and demand a girl's hand in marriage, he has no right to call himself a fiance.
I thought he had done all that?
He did. But uncle Watty refused.
Well that's hardly Stinker's fault ...
He obviously didn't put enough backbone into it.
Gussie's playing Pat in the "Pat and Mike" cross-talk act at the village concert I'm producing.
Oh, really? And who's playing Mike in this merry mélange of fun and topicality?
[Bertie tries to steal the manuscript from Sir Watkyn's study]
What are you doing here?
Er ... dinner!
Dinner? This isn't the dining room.
Isn't it? Oh. Thought I could smell tapioca.
The dining room's over there. You can't miss it. There are people having dinner in it.
Even the black shorts that my followers wear are symbolic.
Symbolic?
Certainly! They signify the brevity of our patience with present-day political apathy. And black is symbolic of the fact that so riddled with inefficiencies is our present-day industrial structure, that my suppliers ... ran out of all the other colours.
Will that be all, sir?
Yes, that'll be all, Jeeves. ... Or rather no. I'll tell you what, Jeeves, you couldn't just pop down to Sir Watkyn's study for me, could you? You'll find a safe in there, just a little one ...
No, sir.
Oh dash it all, Jeeves.
Will that be all, sir?
You're a hard man, Jeeves.
But a free one, sir, and it is my ambition to remain in that state. Good night, sir.
[Bertie, in the middle of the night, finds Spode applying a sledgehammer to the safe in Sir Watkyn's study]
I say! [the sledgehammer, missing the safe, comes crashing down instead on an adjacent table] What are you doing!?
How dare you question my motives!?
[Bertie tries in vain to remember the Battle of Naseby, the year of which holds the key to opening Sir Watkyn's safe]
Yes, the date of the battle is the number of the combination.
Ah, Trafalgar.
Uh, no ...
Hastings.
Yes! No ... no, like Hastings. Hastings ... Mason ... Raisin ...
[irritated] I don't recall a Battle of Raisin.
Well perhaps it was in the Grape War. [chuckles] It was a joke, Spode.
[about the script for the "Pat and Mike" sketch]
But it's absolute balderdash, Bertie. I mean, listen to this: "Sure and begorrah, I don't know what's after being the matter with you, Michael." I mean, what on earth is this "what's after being" stuff mean?
My dear old Gussie, that is how people think Irish people talk.
What parcel was this, Wooster?
Nothing special... usual sort of brown-paper affair, bit of string, suspicion of sealing wax, that's all.
Jeeves!
Yes, sir?
That parcel has arrived in London!
Yes, sir.
Well, did you send it?
Yes, sir. [Bertie lets out a small scream] I acted for the best, sir.
You do know that Lady Florence has broken off her engagement with me.
In my opinion, sir — and I'm sorry if this causes you any distress — you and Lady Florence are not ideally matched. Her ladyship is of a highly arbitrary and determined temperament, sir, quite opposed to your own.
Oh, indeed, Jeeves! Well, I'm very grateful for your opinion! I must say that what I had in mind from you was abject, quivering apology! This is very sad, Jeeves, but I'm going to have to think very seriously about your future. I — [catches sight of Florence telling off two servants downstairs]
...I trust that is not alcohol I smell on your breath. Drunkenness may be de rigeur among the servants in some houses, but I should be sorry to see it take hold here.
S1Servant 1
My lady.
I suggest you read these. They're a brief introduction to the beliefs and aims of the Theosophical Society. Study them well! [hands a pamphlet to each servant, then exits]
S2Servant 2
Thank you, my lady.
S1Servant 1
Yes, Lady Worplesden.
...Yes, well, I've thought seriously about your future, Jeeves, and I think it should continue very much in the vein of your immediate past. I owe you an apology, Jeeves.
By no means, sir.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.