Harm quotes from JAG

So, how does it feel? Being back?

Like I left yesterday, and I've been gone a hundred years.

Yeah, I know the feeling. Except, you know, when I came back, I was condemned to writing mindless motions for a month.

What exactly is your connection with Clark Palmer?

He's kidnapped me, sir. He's tried to kill me. He tried to trick me into shooting my former girlfriend. He's a sociopath who's made me his hobby, colonel.

Admiral, about the complaint...

I’ll just file it here with all the others.

You smoke, commander?

No, sir, I gave it up.

What for? A woman?

I didn't like being addicted, captain.

Do you remember what it was like, Harm? Trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in, or did that just come easy to you?

You know, sometimes I think I missed out on being a kid. Having a father that was MIA, I was always trying to be the man of the house, you know? I guess I should have been at a disco, or...

Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve seen you dance.

Mic Brumby

Sorry about the dirt, mate, I was in the outback. I’ll give her a wash up on the weekend.

Are we going on a safari, commander?

Mic

Down here we call it going bush. I do it on the weekends. 'Roo-bar on the front, snorkel for crossing streams. I got a radio...

To call for help when you get lost?

Mic

Care to give her a try, commander?

Yeah.

Mic

Oh, we drive on the left. Might be a bit much for you, especially after the long flight.

I slept most of the way. (He takes the keys, and opens the passenger side door.)

Mic

Wheel’s on the other side, mate.

I know that. I’m opening the door for you.

Mic

Better fasten your seatbelt, Bud. Driving on the left side takes a bit of getting used to.

Seaman

Begging your pardon, sir, but in Australia, we drive on the left hand side of the road.

Why didn’t you tell me?

Seaman

ID please.

Seaman

Thank you, sir.

Mic

Thanks, leader.

Mic

Left, Harm, left.

Mic

That’s my spot up ahead, between those two cars, mate. Better let me park it.

Bud

I think that would probably be a good idea, sir.

I’ll give it a try. (He proceeds to park the car perfectly. He gets out.) My stepfather had a cottage in the Bahamas, that’s where I learned to drive. (He throws to keys to Mic and walks away.)

Bud

Sir, don’t they drive on the left hand side of the road in the Bahamas?

Mic

Bloody hell.

Why didn’t somebody from his ship identify the body?

Mic

Harbour sharks had a feed on him.

Bud

There are sharks in the harbour?

Mic

It’s Australia, mate. There’s sharks in the bathtub.

Sir, if there's any way I can aid in...

As a matter of fact, there is. I've got an appointment with the Armed Services Committee about my annual budget proposal. You'll pinch hit for me. We need a 4.3% increase.

Admiral, I hardly distinguished myself the last time I entered into that arena, sir.

Don't be modest, commander. You got the funds to repair the hole you shot in the courtroom ceiling.

She wants a chance to talk to my friends. Are we friends here?

I’d like to think so, sir.

I don’t think friends call each other ‘sir’.

The sooner you tell your mother, the better.

Renee, Mom’s in Europe. And look, I’m not even so sure I was gonna tell her. I mean, what am I gonna say? “Hey, Mom, Russia was great. I got to ride in a helicopter. Oh, by the way when dad was a POW there, he lived with a woman, they had a son. I met him. Real nice guy. So how was your trip?”

So, how is it?

Bud

(With a grimace.) Wow. Great, sir. Really powerful.

Commander. (He hands Harm a mug.)

(Quietly.) Uh, robust.

We need a real coffee drinker.

Why are you being nice to me?

I’m always nice to you.

In the meantime, just try to stay out of trouble.

I'll do my best, sir.

That's what I'm afraid of.