TV show quotes
Who will be the first to try my Shanghai Surprise Elixer? Very powerful, good for digestion!
Hi, remember me?
Ah, girl from Hong Kong. Look different. Thought you were fifteen, and taller.
It was a type-o!
You claim a fold-up man stole ze painting, slipped between ze bars, transformed into a bird, and flew away?
I'll show you. [takes a page of the inspector's notes, begins folding the paper] He bent like this, folded like that, twisted over, then again, then he looked just like this! [opens his hand to reveal a crumpled ball] Uh, but more bird shaped.
Monsieur Chan, I will thank you not to destroy my notes, si vous plait!
Hi Jackie.
Jade! You're supposed to be taking a tour of Paris.
Jade. Tch. You've obviously never been on the tour bus with Uncle.
[flashback to the tour bus]
You drive too fast! How can Uncle see the sights?! Slow down!
That was useless! I already knew the thief could fold up.
Yeah, but now we also know that he steals the finest Far East Art.
Hey, the kid's a good listener.
How come you never listen to the things I say? For example, "Stay with Uncle"?
Aw man...
Scissors beats paper!
Gentlemen, we have an emergency. Criminal Mastermind Dr. Ashby Necrosis is back.
Dr. Necrosis? The Kingpin of Techno-crime?
The same. Reports are that he has developed a cutting edge high tech doomsday device. The entire world is in jeopardy. We've located what we believe to be the Doctor's base, the Necropolis, inside this dormant volcano. Someone must infiltrate the Necropolis and destroy the Doomsday weapon.
I suggest Taggart McStone.
Unfortunately, Agent Tag retired last year. He left the spy game forever.
[the agent peels off a mask to reveal he's actually Agent Tag]
Never say forever.
Agent Tag!
I'll require the standard infiltration package, my briefcase, and a fresh suit. Italian, of course.
Of course.
Who are you? Why are you following me?
Uhhh, Captain Black sent me!
Hmmm, a little girl with dark hair who tags along and is an obvious liar. I've heard of you! You're Jade! Section 13 has classified you as the ultimate security risk! You've jeopardized my mission!
Whoa. You need to calm down, Captain Blood Pressure.
Hoyle, I have deduced the identity of our intruder; Taggart McStone.
[playing with a deck of cards] That wild card's still in the game? But I thought he folded last year.
There is no one else it could be. He is the only human capable of infiltrating my Necropolis! Oh how I long to meet my nemesis face to face. You won't ruin his face, will you?
[throws a playing card at a vase, slicing it in half] No promises.
For years, he has foiled all my techno-plans, but this time, we have the Druid Stone, and even Agent Tag cannot defeat its ancient magic! The world is ours!
[playing more with his cards] We hold all the cards! We have the upper hand! We-
We could take it down a notch with the card puns.
[holding his playing cards] All hands on deck, Agent Tag!
[kicks him over] I am not Agent Tag!
Don't try to bluff me, it doesn't suit you! [throws more cards at Jackie, and traps him in a vortex of cards] Druid Stone is secure, and inform the good doctor that we have a bonus jackpot onboard. A certain joker who claims he isn't Agent Tag.
You are not what I expected, Agent Tag. Although your disguise as a buffoon was most convincing.
[secured to a table] But I am not Agent Tag. I am Jackie Chan, a researcher.
Of course if you were Agent Tag, you would deny it emphatically.
No, I would claim to be Agent Tag, assuming you would not believe me.
But I would anticipate your assumption that I would not believe you!
I would foresee your anticipating my assumption of your not believing!
But how could you predict I wouldn't expect your forseeing my anticipation of your assuming my not believing? Ha! Answer me that.
I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID!
Precisely what I expected you to say... Agent Tag.
And that's how I reached Arecibo in time to rescue the Chans.
That's why you're our top agent, Tag.
[growls] "Rescue the Chans"? We did all the hard stuff!
It's alright, Jade. Let it go.
Now if I can finish my crossword, this day will truly be a success. Six letters, Celtic Pig Goddess...
[falling asleep] Moccas. M-O-C-C-A-S.
Mr. Chan, you're a genius!
Nope. Just a researcher.
Is it Halloween already?
[dressed as Mr. Hyde] You forgot, didn't you? Tonight's the school play! I'm Dr. Jekyell and Mr. Hyde, it's my big debut!
Ohhhhh, I am sorry, Jade. But the university asked Uncle and me to explore the subterranean city underneath the streets.
Uh-huh...
No, it's true! A recent tremor has opened a passageway to parts of San Francisco which have been buried since the 1906 earthquake. Another tremor may collapse the passageway at any moment. So there's not much time.
But... my play...
I am sorry. I would rather see your play, but I have to do this now, and I cannot be in two places at the same time.
I am very disappointed in you, Jade. You know that playing with magic is a no-no!
A no-no??? [mockingly] Oh no, say it ain't so!
"Our journey"? Uncle's going underground too? Isn't anyone gonna come see me be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?!
[bursts from the closet] I WOULD LOVE TO! Oh the theatre, the theatre!
Uh-uh. No way am I showing up at school with him.
I know exactly how you feel.
Yoo-hoo! Mr. Spring Heel Jack? Excuse me! I must ask you to return to the museum.
Simon Magus tried to stop me, he gave me quite a run. But I shall dine on his descendants; one by one by one! [jumps over and grabs both Jackie-Light and Uncle] Are you helping Magus? A relative perhaps? No, I guess the two of you are just a pair of saps.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jackie Chan Adventures pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
