Major Lilywhite quotes from IZombie

Liv Moore

Remember the episode when Ross and Rachel break up because she's a zombie who wants to solve murder cases?

Major Lilywhite

Mmm. That was so us.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Uh, I didn't know you were home. I was looking for my nail clippers.

Major Lilywhite

Be honest, man. When I leave the house, you like to try on my clothes just to feel close to me.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Sometimes.

Major Lilywhite

[Ravi confronts Major about being the Chaos Killer after breaking into his safe] Why did you do this?

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Ravi yells] Because I have the right to know if I'm living with a murderer! I should know if my friend is killing people!

Major Lilywhite

I'm not killing people!

Ravi Chakrabarti

What? They're not people? They're zombies? So, what's Liv to you?

Major Lilywhite

Look, you don't understand.

Ravi Chakrabarti

You stalk them, Major. You hurt them and you drugged them, and I'm terrified to find out what you...

Major Lilywhite

Stop! [as Major begins to turn into a zombie rage mode]

Major Lilywhite

What happened?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Let me see, what was it? Oh, yeah, um... I accused you of being the Chaos Killer, you turned into a raging zombie, I tranquilized you. How do you feel?

Major Lilywhite

Honestly? Hungry.

Ravi Chakrabarti

You're the Chaos Killer?

Major Lilywhite

Technically, I'm the 'Chaos Kidnapper.' No one is dead, they're frozen.

Ravi Chakrabarti

In preparation for their long-haul interstellar journey?

Major Lilywhite

Max Rager knows about zombies. And they know that they are, at least, partly to blame for them. They want to get rid of the evidence. They identify potential zombies through purchases. Okay, so, hot sauce, tanning, hair dye. But there are hundreds of names. They learned that I can detect zombies. So now they have me going down the list taking out anyone who sets off my zombie sense.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Did you consider turning down their offer?

Major Lilywhite

They said they'd murder everyone on the list starting with Liv.

Ravi Chakrabarti

I see. That's a tough first offer.

Major Lilywhite

Okay, look, everything I have done has been to protect her.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Not to be funny, but that's what she said.

Major Lilywhite

[Major singing in the morgue] Oh, what a beautiful morning / Oh, what a beautiful day.

Ravi Chakrabarti

We're inside.

Major Lilywhite

[Major smiling] Well, that is where the warmest rays of light come from, inside.

Ravi Chakrabarti

(to Blaine) Yeah, um... remember how I was telling you about that guy whose life you ruined? You know, how you turned his fiancée into a zombie, then cost him his job, killed a bunch of kids that were close to him, kidnapped him, locked him a freezer and tortured him, before finally stabbing him to death? Yeah, this is him.

Major Lilywhite

Hey.

Major Lilywhite

I got some hair to dye and some skin to spray-tan. Carpe diem!

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Major taps his heels together to Liv and Ravi before walking out] Can we play hooky and follow him around for the rest of the day?

Liv Moore

You know that this elevated mood you're experiencing is temporary, right?

Major Lilywhite

[Major rubs Liv's shoulder] Look, let's not worry about tomorrow until we're done enjoying today.

Liv Moore

Okay, but when this everything-is-awesome brain wears off, I want you to know how sorry I am.

Major Lilywhite

[Major puts his hand over Liv's lips] Shh... Love means never having to say you're sorry.

Major Lilywhite

Vaughn can be our talking rat. Look, look, I scratch him, turn him into a zombie. We give him the cure. If he doesn't lose his memory, we know Blaine's lying. And if he does lose his memory, well, maybe the upside is he becomes a harmless shell of himself, like Blaine.

Ravi Chakrabarti

I mean, there are some ethical hurdles I need to get my head around...

Major Lilywhite

He's planning on killing Liv and me as soon as I'm done with that zombie list.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Okay, ethical hurdles cleared. I'll go prepare a syringe.

Major Lilywhite

Look, if I take the second cure, and I survive, but I had no idea who you are, no idea who Liv is, if I don't even know who I am, what's the point? I mean, whose life would I be saving?

Ravi Chakrabarti

You know what we need. A talking rat. Then we'll know if Blaine's telling the truth.

Major Lilywhite

Ravi, you magnificent bastard, that's it!

Ravi Chakrabarti

I hope that whatever's got you exciting doesn't require me to build some rat mind-reading device.

Major Lilywhite

You think I killed these people? Why would I? You think I'm some sort of kill-the-rich nut-job?

Dale Bozzio

I don't know. Are you?

Brant Stone. You can call me Mr. Stone, or Washington State Defense Lawyer of the Year Brant Stone, or don't call me anything at all, since... It'll be me doing most of the talking. This case is Oscar the Grouch's dream house. It's a pile of garbage, okay? A serial murder case with no bodies. Ha! So, best case scenario, I call my good friend Federal Judge Danny Hersh, the ol' Hershey bar, he throws this case into the Puget Sound.

Major Lilywhite

Worst case?

[Stone whispers] Depends. Did you do it? [Major doesn't answer] Naw, I'm kidding.