Don Everhart quotes from IZombie

Don Everhart

[Don E. talks to Blaine in the morgue of the funeral home as Blaine listens to orchestral music] What are we listening to? Can we turn this crap off?

Don Everhart

Candy, have you seen Blaine? He's been ignoring my texts all day. He knows I have abandonment issues. [Candy turns around eating on a brain] Oh, damn!

Don Everhart

I can't believe we're gonna bury this. I'm a natural criminal, I don't see the point in being good.

Don Everhart

[Don E. smiles] Let those bitches try and kill me now.

Don Everhart

It would've been so sweet if the DA's office had been able to nail Mr. Boss. Life would be all like... [Don E. strumming happily on his banjo instrument] Instead it's all Ken Burns Civil War-y...

(nervously) This is so bad. This is so bad, you got to do something.

Blaine DeBeers

'Dammit Don E., I'm a brain dealer not a doctor!'

Don Everhart

To eat brains or not to eat brains? That is the question.

Blaine DeBeers

It's a bit of an acquired taste.

Liv Moore

You couldn't of flavored it up a bit for him?

Blaine DeBeers

Sorry. The quality of all the meals have gone downhill here since someone's boyfriend offed my chef. Poor Don E. has been reduced to eating pepperoni pockets.

Blaine DeBeers

[Blaine looks at the rugged Don E] What happened? You tussle with a Doberman?

Don Everhart

One of our client's bodyguards went after Chief by mistake. Oh, he thinks he may have scratched him.

Blaine DeBeers

Well, I guess we'll hear soon if all zombie hell breaks loose.

Major Lilywhite

Scott E?

Don Everhart

Nope. I'm flattered, though. That was one good-looking man.

Don Everhart

[Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...

Blaine DeBeers

It's not my birthday, Don E!

Don Everhart

...Brain!

Blaine DeBeers

Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?

Don Everhart

I have plans, actually. [Blaine remains silent] A few hours.

Blaine DeBeers

Well, let's get 'er done.

Don Everhart

[Don E. walks into Blaine's funeral office seeing Blaine unconscious in his chair] Blaine? What is your go-to bagpipe player's name again? I know it's Something McSomething, but... Blaine? [Don E. starts to shake Blaine's body] Come on. Come on, man. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up!

Blaine DeBeers

Oh! Hey. What's with the manhandling?

Don Everhart

You were unconscious.

Blaine DeBeers

Most people call that sleeping, Scott E, but way to add the drama.

Don Everhart

It's Don E., Blaine. You just called me Scott E.

Blaine DeBeers

Did I? Oh, in my defense, you do look just like him.

Liv Moore

I can bring you a brain in return in a couple days.

Don Everhart

[Don E. smiles] It's not brain friends, Liv, it's brain business.

Liv Moore

You did hear the part about the apocalypse, didn't you?

Don Everhart

Sure did. That's what's called leverage. I'd think preventing the end of the world is worth 25 grand.

Liv Moore

You know the so-called Chaos Killer?

Don Everhart

Yeah! They caught the zombie killing son-of-a-bitch!

Liv Moore

Yeah, well. He's a zombie himself. And if he doesn't get out of jail soon, he's going to get his brains the old fashion zombie way. 24 hours later, you'll be the savvy businessmen selling sand in the Sahara.

Don Everhart

Oh, God.