Major Lilywhite quotes from IZombie

Liv Moore

So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around.

Major Lilywhite

Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.

Liv Moore

When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. It's like, I'm always Britney, but sometimes I'm Hit Me One More Time Britney, and sometimes I'm... shaved head, smashing car windows Britney.

Major Lilywhite

Real talk? I thought both of those Britney's were hot.

Peyton Charles

Let's get it all out in the open, Man-Things. What about Liv? She's not glomming onto you, is she? She's not cramping your style? She's not being too needy?

Major Lilywhite

No. It's all good. Real good. [Peyton and Ravi remain quiet] I mean, today she left me a voice-mail about how drowning would be a beautiful way to die, but otherwise, you know, same old Liv.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Ah, yeah, uh, she's rolling hard on a death-obsessed magician. It will pass. She just needs to eat someone else's brain.

Major Lilywhite

Is that all?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Mm-hmm.

Major Lilywhite

Question. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get?

Ravi Chakrabarti

She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her.

Peyton Charles

There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone. I'm thinking that was probably a one-off.

Major Lilywhite

A one-off. That's good.

Liv Moore

This flower had color and could bloom once. And yet death, blind to the beauty of all living things, even one as vibrant as this, has swept over it, wrenching it closer to the ground. Until it breaks.

Major Lilywhite

So, is that a 'yes,' you want a quesadilla or no?

Liv Moore

I'm going to plead temporary insanity.

Major Lilywhite

Hey. A little jealousy makes a guy feel wanted.

Liv Moore

[Major gets a late night text] Little late for a text, isn't it?

Major Lilywhite

But let's not overplay it.

Liv Moore

You have a safe in your closet?

Major Lilywhite

You're back.

Liv Moore

I didn't like how we left things, so I came back to apologize. When did you get the safe?

Major Lilywhite

I got it when a giant zombie broke into my place last year.

Liv Moore

Who's the bitch using your shower?

Major Lilywhite

Uh...

Liv Moore

Or did you suddenly switch to Sinful Diva shampoo? 'For the shine that gets him to notice you'?

Major Lilywhite

Oh. That's Ravi's. Smell it.

Liv Moore

[Liv smells the shampoo] It does smell like Ravi.

Major Lilywhite

Hate to break it to you, you being the owner of the company and all, but, all the sugar and caffeine in energy drinks just makes you crash.

Vaughn Du Clark

Super Max is no energy drink, my friend. It is a revolution in liquid form.

Liv Moore

[Major opens the safe in his closet for Liv] My engagement ring. I thought for sure you'd sold that when I gave it back to you.

Major Lilywhite

I couldn't stand the idea of anyone else ever wearing it. Besides, I never gave up hope that you'd want it back.

Liv Moore

Well, I'm likely unemployed now, so... Silver lining, my inner stalker has left the building. You can invite some girls over tonight. Play some Twister. See if I care.

Major Lilywhite

These girls I'm inviting over? I'm warning you, they're basically adult film stars. And not even the under contract ones. I'm talking the anything goes kind.

Major Lilywhite

[Liv smiles] I'll be here when they let you out.

Liv Moore

I can't wait.

Liv Moore

[Major scoffs] No 'pfft!' There's no 'pfft!'

Major Lilywhite

All right, you should've been able to see from your snooping that I haven't texted her since we got back together.

Liv Moore

How do I know that you didn't call her from a landline?

Major Lilywhite

Because it's not 1987.

I was a call girl. The normal, human kind... upscale clientele. Then this mystery man contacts me. We have our date. And the next morning I wake up, and guess what sounds tasty to me?

Major Lilywhite

Brains.

Exactly. Then this John drops back by, welcomes me to 'Team Z.' And explains that I was a zombie now and in exchange for the brains I needed to survive, I would have to service his zombie clients.

Major Lilywhite

That's horrible.

Major Lilywhite

[sitting next to her Christmas tree with her] How badly could you want to die if you spent an hour untangling Christmas lights?

I was setting a mood.

Liv Moore

Can we both be honest for a moment? We both know deep down that this can't work. Being a zombie has changed me. You love the woman I was before. You tolerate the woman I am now.

Major Lilywhite

Who you are now is only temporary.

Liv Moore

This brain is temporary. But... The not being able to have sex, the day-to-day personality changes, that's the new normal. And that's what neither one of us is okay with. We're not. The truth is, we belong with our own kind.

Major Lilywhite

Is this... are we breaking up?

Liv Moore

We have to.