Invader Zim · Season 1
CHICKEN! [giggles] I'm gonna eat you!
Wow! [starts taking pictures of the Megadoomer] Crop Circle Magazine is gonna put me on the front cover for sure! Someone take a picture of me with it. [pauses, then hands the camera to GIR, who begins taking multiple pictures of Dib]
Aww you. You look so cute.
I've put up with you long enough, Dib! Now fight an enemy you cannot see!
...You're right there.
[Zim gasps, then scoots over. Dib points at him again]
There! Your mighty Irken cloaking device cloaks the robot, but not you.
LIES! Now behold the doom cannon!
I can't. It's invisible.
But you can see me?
That's what I said.
Oh, that's STUPID!
Really stupid.
You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!
Level 1 infestation, ma'am.
A level 1... I am Countess von Verminstrassor, the Delouser! For your own good, you will cooperate! You have lice, and until your condition improves, you will be detained here indefinitely!
You can't really make us stay here...
You dare question me, question my methods?!? You, who stands to benefit the most from my work?!? You disgust me!
What a nice lady.
All I said was-
Silence! Let the delousing begin!
Keep quiet Melvin, and we'll-.
(Freaking out) No, no, LICE QUEEN! AHHHH!!!!
That, wasn't every quiet.
What are you doing you here?
What.... are YOU doing out here?!?
.....using... MIND TRICKS!!!!!!!!!!!
This place smells. Can I have a soda?
VICTORY!
What do you mean, "victory?" Your robot exploded and you didn't destroy me!
It was a trick! Yes! Eh... my plan was to... steal this camera from you! So you couldn't show these pictures! Ha!
[Dib tackles Zim and they roll around in the dirt. Zim breaks out of Dib's grasp still holding the camera.]
Give it back! Come on!
[moving the camera back and forth between each of his hands] No. Uh-uh. No way. Uh-uh.
[snatches the camera from Zim] Victory for Earth!
You had the lens cap on.
I did not, I... [discovers that he really did have the lens cap on; frustrated] GAAAAAAGHH!
VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIM! [a part of the Megadoomer falls on top of him]
[a bird swoops down and steals the camera] Well, I liked that camera, but I guess this is a victory for me. Yeah. Or something. I'm going back to bed.
[to Tak] I have come to accept your feelings for me thereby choosing me as your 'love-pig'..... FEEL HONORED! Prepare yourself, filthy beast of meat and hair. Your magical love adventure begins NOW!
[reading her poem to Zim] For longer than I can remember, I've been looking for someone like you. Someone with a head like yours and a torso too. Birds sing AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY! The end! HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE! [pulls a giant slab of ribs covered in bbq sauce and throws it at Zim, who screams]
TAK! I'm glad you've stopped by, It gives me a chance to end our hideous relationship, and enjoy your shrill cry having been rejected by ZIM!!!!
You've got to be kidding!
I assure you I am quiet serious. Now cry! Cry like you've never cried.... before!
[After Tak finishes explaining her past]
Yes, yes, so you blame me for your horrible life, blah, blah, blah, BIG DEAL!
This is about taking your mission, Zim, not revenge!
You're after revenge?!?
NOOOOOO! It's not about revenge! It's about taking what's rightfully mine. I should have been an invader! I should have been part of the Great Assigning! I shouldn't HAVE to be stealing THIS planet from YOU!
[pause] YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!
NOOOOOOO!!!! Listen to me. Listen...carefully!
Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?
I'm a better invader than you could ever be. I blend in perfectly. The plan I have in store for this nasty rock will so impress the Tallest that they'll have no choice but to make me an invader.
WHAT IS THIS-- [lowers his tone] And what is this plan?
[laughs softly]
Yeah, yeah, I'm a master of comedy. Now tell me this plan!
Part One involves crippling your base, so that you could only watch... AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!
[Her SIR unit unleashes nanites that consume Zim's base]
[horrified] MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!!
Part Two is--
NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[irritated] Part Two is--
NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Part Two is--
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Part--
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Okay, I'm--
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Okay, I'm leaving now.
[calmly] But you didn't tell me your plan.
The great thing about your people, Dib, is that most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest!
Wait. Is there really a difference?
[Zim busts through the wall with the Voot Runner]
It's over, Tak! The earth is mine to devastate! And I've already promised the moon to GIR.
Zim! How did you know we'd be here?
I placed a tracking device on you!
Tracking device? Where?
[Dib turns around to reveal GIR clinging to his head]
Your head smells like a puppy!
Are there any video games around here?
No. Not really.
I guess I'll help save the earth, then.
You're just jealous that--
This has nothing to do with jelly!
I'm the only one here with the technology to decode the files!
And we're the only ones here with the files to be decoded!
And I'M... he he he. I dunno.
Your base, our disc, Zim.
As soon as we destroy Tak, I'm gonna feed your brains to my robot!
Deal!
Yay! Brains!
Once I have tainted the human's meat supply with filth, the planet will be ripe for the taking. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with... DOOKIE! GIR! Bring me cows.
[in duty mode] Yes sir! [out of duty mode] I like dookie!
[voiceover] Sometimes I'm scared to think of what goes on in that insane head of yours...
[In GIR's mind, the cows on the field turn into hot dogs wearing tuxedos and top-hats]
[in GIR's mind] Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
