TV show quotes
Hey, do you know who came by today?
Hm?
That ugly neighbor lady. She was wearing this horrible...
[An evil looking squid pokes his head into the kitchen. Zim looks and it quickly leaves]
Huh?
[The squid leaps onto Zim's head and thrashes him about]
Oh mighty dung! The giant flesh-eating demon squid has escaped!
Hey. These aren't bad. What's in 'em?
There's waffle in 'em!
[screaming] YOU'RE LYING!!!!!
Gir, your waffles have sickened me! Fetch me the bucket!
*Squeals*
NOOOOO! The plan! *shakes computer* WHAT WAS THE PLAN?!
*Makes retching sound as Dib looks sick*
Um, ancient traveler? Are you Mortos Der Soulstealer?
Huh? YES! I AM MORTOS DER SOULSTEALER! Every thousand years when Ta'un aligns with Chakunga, I escape from the place beneath the Overworld to walk among mortals for one day. Important plot point this is. Men hide behind furniture. Women spit loogies of terror. Animals void their bowels at the sight OF MORTOS DER SOULSTEALSER! [laughs maniacally until he starts coughing.]
[wipes away drool that landed on him] Okay, great!
Hold it! [takes out pamphlet] According to the ancient pamphlet, you must grant at least one mortal a wish before you can return to the spooky realm.
[snatches up pamphlet] Pamphlet stupid! [drops pamphlet on the ground, then stomps on it with his foot, then starts pounding it with his fist.] Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! [Stops pounding and then gets up again] Okay, but power's very weak from thousand year in place beneath the Overworld.
Well, how do we fix that?
[scene cuts to them later at a MacMeatey's]
Two quarter porkeys with cheese, one McGrease, no cheese, Meaty McMeatMeatMeat with cheese, and an Appely Pie with meat. [The food is served to Mortos, then Mortos scarfs it down.]
Mortos, is this really how you recharge your unearthly powers?
YES! SINCE BEFORE TIME BEGAAAAAAAAANNNNN! [Cashier starts gesturing, asking for money.] Mortos not carry cash.
Oh. [reaches into his pocket] Okay.
You ditched me!
Yes. Mortos ditch you. And Mortos sorry. But many years ago, Mortos trust little boy like you. Little boy named Floochie. Who sang songs to Mortos. That little boy break Mortos' heart... Now, dark energy of universe Mortos' only friend...
I'm sorry.
And Darlene here...
Hi!
Guh! I can't believe I almost bought that sob story! Mortos, you're no mighty master of spooky powers like the pamphlet said! You're just a... a big mooch!
You call Mortos mooch?
Yes, a mooch!
MOOCH!
That's right!
Mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, MOOCH! You want see power? I show you power!
The Dib- the Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! They'll destroy the base! There's only one thing to do!
You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits?
No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.
[GIR gets a shocked expression]
[running around the house and Zim's base] We're on TV! We're on TV! We're on TV!
There's someone at the door.
Oh, what is it? I have not the patience for- AAAAAH! Girl with cookies! Girl with cookies!
Wanna buy some chocolate star COOKIES?!? MISTER?!? HUH?!?
[to Dib] Hey! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham!
Why was there ham in my pocket?
[on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
[Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]
Dib!
Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!
[The power comes back on. Gaz adds two more cans then starts the oven. The bottom blows off in a small explosion]
That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?!? You lied to me, Dad!
Hey, you're getting pieces of wall in the food!
I LIKE CORN! I do.
Just how many more minutes will she have to suffer before rescue crews can free her? Huh?!
Why don't they just pull her out?
She's lodged in real good. I heard her foot's poking out over in China. Plus, she screams real scary whenever anybody comes near her.
Look at her. She's just smiling and waving. She just loves the attention. [suddenly realizes something] Wait a minute. [visions himself ramming through the crowd toward Zim's house and barges in, then drags him outside, exposing him without his human disguise, and Gir, in front of everybody and the whole world] Attention! (That's it!) If I can get up there, I can expose him on national TV!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
