[to Dr. Foreman] You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong. That's the difference between him and me; he thinks you do your job, and what will be will be. I think that what I do, and what you do matters. He sleeps better at night. He shouldn't.
S1 E9DNR
Okay, life sucks. Your life sucks more than most. It's not as bad as some, which is depressing all by itself. But do me a favor: just let me find out what's wrong with you.
JJohn
You don't risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved unless you got something, anything. One thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they don't got that One Thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music; you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with a drink and a kiss. That ain't gonna happen for us.
That's why God made microwaves.
JJohn
Yeah. But when it's over... It's over.
JJohn
How many o' those pills you taking?
...I'm in pain.
JJohn
Yeah. Aren't we all?
S1 E10Histories
SStudent
You're reading a comic book.
And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
[the student covers her chest with her clipboard]
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I'm competitive by nature.
You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
I don't need to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.
[House is snooping through Wilson's file to try finding out why Wilson is insisting on a homeless woman being treated]
You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word "friend" can also be translated as "limping twerp."
[House's pager starts beeping]
Did your pager really just go off, or are you ditching the conversation?
Why can't both be true?
You're joking.
Well, hard not to - nothing funnier than cancer.
Hey! He knows more homeless people than any of us! [to Foreman] Go check out the hood, dawg.
S1 E11Detox
You know, there are other ways to manage pain.
Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra?
[House has just admitted he is addicted to Vicodin.]
I said I was an addict, I didn't say I had a problem. I pay my bills, I make my meals. I function.
That all you want? You have no relationships.
I don't want any relationships.
You alienate people.
I've been alienating people since I was three.
Oh, come on! Drop it! You don't think you've changed over the last few years?
Of course I have. I've...I've gotten older. My hair's got thinner. Sometimes I'm bored. Sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes I wonder what it all means.
No. I was there. You are not just some regular guy who's getting older. You've changed! You're miserable! And you're afraid to face yourself-
[slams his cane on the shelf] OF COURSE I'VE CHANGED!
[pause] And everything's the leg? Nothing's the pills? They haven't done a thing to you?
They let me do my job. And they take away my pain.
His liver is shutting down.
FFather
What? What does that mean?
Means he's all better, he can go home.
FFather
What?
What do you think it means? He can't live without a liver, he's dying.
FFather
What is your problem?
Bum leg, what's yours?
You're addicted.
If the pills ran my life, I'd agree with you, but it's my leg busy calendaring what I can't do.
I take risks; sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
S1 E12Sports Medicine
P3Patient #3
I can't get my contact lenses out-
Out of what? They're not in your eyes.
P3Patient #3
But they're red.
That's because you're trying to remove your corneas. [moves to next patient] What's wrong with you?
P4Patient #4
Uh, lately, my wife has noticed that...
Yeah, yeah. Symptoms, [gestures at Cuddy] we're working on a personal best here.
P4Patient #4
Numbness in my feet and hands, constipation...
And?
Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking about his private matters...
Well, neither would I, if I was having trouble controlling my pee pee!
[to patient]
You're a dentist. Nitrous oxide poisoning, which means you're either dipping into your own supply, or you've got a bad valve in the office. Laughing gas rehab's probably more expensive than the plumber. Meanwhile, get yourself some B12.
[moves to college student]
Who's left?
CSCollege Student
I can't see. [House and Cuddy look appalled] Nah, I'm just screwing with you. [House looks at Cuddy, who smiles] It's a hangover, my English Lit professor told me he'd fail me next time if I didn't show up with a doctor's note.
Well, make friends with the dentist. He can give you a note, and maybe a little nitrous to take the edge off.
[he looks at the clock and walks out]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.