I can't get my contact lenses out-
Out of what? They're not in your eyes.
But they're red.
That's because you're trying to remove your corneas. [moves to next patient] What's wrong with you?
Uh, lately, my wife has noticed that...
Yeah, yeah. Symptoms, [gestures at Cuddy] we're working on a personal best here.
Numbness in my feet and hands, constipation...
And?
Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking about his private matters...
Well, neither would I, if I was having trouble controlling my pee pee!
[to patient]
You're a dentist. Nitrous oxide poisoning, which means you're either dipping into your own supply, or you've got a bad valve in the office. Laughing gas rehab's probably more expensive than the plumber. Meanwhile, get yourself some B12.
[moves to college student]
Who's left?
I can't see. [House and Cuddy look appalled] Nah, I'm just screwing with you. [House looks at Cuddy, who smiles] It's a hangover, my English Lit professor told me he'd fail me next time if I didn't show up with a doctor's note.
Well, make friends with the dentist. He can give you a note, and maybe a little nitrous to take the edge off.
[he looks at the clock and walks out]
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