House · Season 1
Would you give up a baby for someone you love?
Please tell me I don't have to decide. Depends, how long would they live?
Is this a pragmatic question for you?
Fifty years, no problem. Six months, I say let 'em die. Well, I've actually given this a lot of thought, and my personal tipping point is seven years, eight months, and 14 days.
He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
[Lola leaves]
[to Foreman] How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
You put him on Lupron.
Uh-huh.
And, you told them it was like milk.
Yes.
Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
It's creamy. But, I had three reasons.
Good ones?
Well, we'll see in a minute; I'm just making them up now.
We have managed to find the only sportsman in the galaxy who is not on steroids!
How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.
[about his father] I don't hate him. I loved him until I figured out it hurts a lot less to just not care. You don't expect him to turn up to your football match? No disappointments. You don't expect a call on your birthday, don't expect to see him for months? No disappointments. You want us to go make up? Sink a few beers together, nice family hug? I've given him enough hugs. He's given me enough disappointments.
You want to get to the bottom of this, you're doing it exactly right: don't talk to the people involved. Drag your buddy away from work for some pointless speculation.
You want to know how two chemicals interact. Do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.
God! Even I don't like you.
You know, words can hurt.
Parents are never as bad as kids think they are.
You can't tell Chase but I can. What shall I do?
Oh...This is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part.
[The hospital's just been bought by billionaire drug mogul Edward Vogler]
No, I have seen every scary movie ever made. Six-year old twins in front of an elevator with blood. Boys' choirs. Those are bad omens. This is much more mundane. A billionaire wants to get laid.
Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
And the reason you want respect...?
To... get laid.
In about an hour there's going to be an emergency meeting with the transplant committee to discuss where you fall on the list should a new heart become available. Problem is, I am required to tell the committee about your bulimia, it's a major psychological condition, ranks up there with suicidal. Means you're a very bad risk.
So you're here to tell me I have just a few hours to live?
Unless I lie to the committee. But if they find out, I lose my medical license.
[silence]
This would be a very good time to offer me a bribe. How much is your life worth? How much is my job worth?
You value our friendship more than your ethical responsibilities?
Our friendship is an ethical responsibility.
Why did you fight for me? You risked so much and you hardly know me.
You're my patient. Don't screw it up.
[Vogler has reason to believe House lied during the transplant committee meeting]
This is not a game, Dr. House.
No, it's actually more like we're dancing right now. So let's get to the point. You don't like me. I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like you. It's nothing personal, I don't like anybody.
His name's Joey, he's my only brother.
He's important to you. Got it. No placebos for him, we'll use the real medicine.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
