Gregory House quotes from House

Dr. House

Any you guys ever been to the Galapagos?

Dr. Foreman

Was our patient there? Dengue fever, Avian pox, even West Nile.

Dr. House

No, I'm looking for a vacation spot.

Dr. Chase

That mean we get vacation?

Dr. House

How would that differ from your current status?

Dr. Cameron

You're going to do what? Relax?

Dr. House

Visiting family, my uncle's a giant turtle.

Dr. House

Mom's body is like... the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. When she gets pregnant, it's like... a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things, bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews.

Dr. Chase

Who are the Jews in this metaphor?

Dr. Cameron

I have read the outcome of mirror syndrome is almost always unfavorable.

Dr. House

Unfavorable... is that doctor-speak for "dead baby"?

Dr. Cuddy

You want to paralyze Emma Sloan's baby?

Dr. House

Lemme guess...Cameron.

Dr. Cuddy

Cameron and Chase both had their concerns.

Dr. House

No, Cameron had concerns. Chase just agreed with her because he didn't want to lose his all-access pass to her love rug.

Dr. Cuddy

They're sleeping together?

Dr. House

If by sleeping together you mean having sex in the janitor's closet...

Dr. Cuddy

Here?

Dr. House

No, the janitor's closet at the local high school. Go Tigercats! Do you have one of those camera phones? 'Cause I got a MySpace account.

Dr. Cuddy

I will deal with them after I deal with you.

Dr. House

Oh c'mon... let's gossip some more. I'm sure she's into bondage.

I want my blankie! I want my blankie! I want my blankie! I want my blankie!

Dr. Cuddy

It had a corkscrew in it.

Dr. House

Ah, that would explain the "vintner's" reference.

Dr. Cuddy

Could be used as a weapon against the pilot.

Dr. House

Only if you stuck it in a bottle of Zinfandel.

Dr. Cuddy

You'll get it back when we land.

I want my blankie! I want my blankie!

Dr. House

[to the mother] Give her 20 milligrams of diphenhydramine, it could save her life. 'Cause if she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.

Dr. Cuddy

The room service thing was just spiteful.

Dr. House

I was hungry.

Dr. Cuddy

$300 for a bottle of wine.

Dr. House

I was thirsty.

Dr. Cuddy

$120 on video services.

Dr. House

I was lonely.

Dr. Cuddy

That's 500 in expenses I can't justify.

Dr. House

Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

Dr. Cuddy

Right.

Welcome aboard, Mr. House, you're right here in 2A.

Ms. Cuddy, you're in the next cabin and to the left, 9C.

Dr. Cuddy

No, I booked two first-class tickets. This must be a mistake.

Dr. House

No mistake. Just arranged for a $500 fare reduction. Expense problem solved.

Dr. House

[pointing at boy] Can you say... [Australian accent] 'Crikey, mate'?

[Confused but playing along] Crikey, mate.

Dr. House

Perfect. No matter what I say, you agree with me, okay?

Okay...

Dr. House

Nicely done... You, disagree with everything I say.

Sorry, not understanding.

Dr. House

That's close enough. And you, get morally outraged with everything I say.

[disgusted] That's permanent marker, you know.

Dr. House

Wow, you guys are good.

Dr. House

Nobody speak Korean on this flight?

Dr. Cuddy

I assumed you did.

Dr. House

I know how to ask if his sister is over eighteen, I don't think that's gonna help.

Dr. House

You're pregnant.

I'm what?

Dr. House

Explains the nausea, abdominal pains, fever. And why you're stuffing your 36C's into a 34B bra.

Dr. Cuddy

And her rash?

Dr. House

PUPPPs. A common pregnancy rash.

I can't be pregnant.

Dr. House

You a virgin?

No, but—

Dr. House

You're pregnant. Mazel Tov.

Dr. Cameron

He went home!

Dr. House

Work smart, not hard.

Dr. House

Do you want the tickets or not?

Dr. Wilson

Why don't you want to go with me?

Dr. House

It's a play. Dudes only go to plays if they're dragged by women they're hoping to see naked.

Dr. Wilson

So why are you giving them to me?

Dr. House

Maybe there's someone you want to see naked.

Dr. Cuddy

[after Wilson received flowers with a card seemingly signed by Dr. Cuddy] What's up with Wilson?

Dr. House

He's just a little freaked.

Dr. Cuddy

Why?

Dr. House

I sent him flowers.

Dr. House

James Wilson is never the safe choice.

Dr. Cuddy

Going to a gallery, we're not getting married!

Dr. House

Sure you say that now. He always marries them in the end!

What about the Marrow Registry, maybe they'll find another match.

Dr. House

[Sarcastically] Maybe they'll ride it here on a unicorn.

Dr. House

What is the point in being able to control people if you won't actually do it? It's like training a dog, then letting him go on your rug, which, by the way--

Dr. Wilson

Once Foreman got his mitts on them, there was no way--

Dr. House

You didn't explain chances of probabilities, you lied to them! And told them Foreman's a moron, which isn't even much of a lie right now.

Dr. Wilson

You gotta talk to him.

Dr. House

I got no problem with what Foreman did...

Dr. Wilson

He undercut us, and may have cost that kid his life--!

Dr. House

Foreman did what he thought was right, you, on the other hand, sucked out! When the decision really mattered you didn't have the guts to tell him what to do! If that kid dies, it's because Foreman was wrong and because you're a coward! [He leaves Wilson standing in the corridor, shocked.]