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SEASON 1

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S1 E15Unfinished Business

But are you learning anything? I mean, psychology can be kind of interesting.

Well, I learned that "should" is a word I shouldn't use.

Why shouldn't you?

I don't know. Because it makes the doctor mad. He should lighten up a little.

Maybe you should lighten up a little.

Maybe you should go to therapy with Linda.

Maybe she should lighten up a little.

Maybe everybody should lighten up a little.

What should we have for dinner?

We should have pizza.

We should have salad, too.

You should have salad.

Maybe Linda should have salad?

I feel that it would be in her best interest.

Should be in her best interest.

What do you mean? Whose best interest?

The salad.

The salad is in Linda's best interest?

No, the pizza's in the salad's best interest...the point is, Brendon, you don't have to go to therapy. But I think a person like you really should.

CClarisse

My girlfriend and I were born on the same exact day.

MMcGurik

Well, that's exciting? What day was that, D-Day?

CClarisse

No. You're funny.

MMcGurik

Yes, I am.

CClarisse

My boyfriend could get really jealous of you.

MMcGurik

Uh-huh. Look, little mama, let me tell you something, all right? I'm here to do my time, make my money, and that's it. I can't possibly get involved with a coworker. That would be wrong. Plus, how old are you?

CClarisse

18.

MMcGurik

I could potentially get involved with a coworker.

[In front of a coffee shop]

This is the perfect place to shoot the final scene.

Let's go back to the hotel.

No, no, no. It's fine. Plus I have to pee, so...

Hold your breath.

Uh, I think that only works for hiccups.

It works for pee, too.

[Starboy and The Captain of Outer Space are watching Annie Oakley, Pablo Picasso, and George Washington discussing their evil plan]

SStarboy

Hey, something tells me that those guys are up to something, eh, Captain of Outer Space?

OSCaptain of Outer Space

They seem like they're up to something, Starboy.

SStarboy

My money's on them being up to something...but what? Eh, Captain of Outer Space? But what?

OSCaptain of Outer Space

Something, my brother...

[Captain of Outer Space reaches out and touches Starboy on the shoulder]

OSCaptain of Outer Space

...my actual brother.

SStarboy

Then, we've got to do something, eh, Captain of Outer Space?

OSCaptain of Outer Space

Like what, Starboy?

SStarboy

We have to...stop them.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

But what if they kill off the human race?

SStarboy

They won't...if we stop them first!

OSCaptain of Outer Space

[confused] Yeah, I'm not, uh, well...

SStarboy

We stop them before they kill everyone.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

And I'm sorry, why not after?

SStarboy

Because they...will...have done...that...thingy.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

That "thingy".

SStarboy

Yup.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

Okay. Let's back up a little for a second--

SStarboy

Okay.

[they physically back up a few inches]

OSCaptain of Outer Space

[bashfully] I...want you to talk to me like I'm a child, okay?

SStarboy

Okay. [reaches out and pats Captain of Outer Space's head, adopting an "adult" tone of voice] My, aren't you a big boy!

OSCaptain of Outer Space

[smiling] Heh.

SStarboy

You mean like that?

OSCaptain of Outer Space

That's good, sure.

SStarboy

Okay.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

Keep it goin'.

SStarboy

[thinking for a moment] You have...very nice...arms.

OSCaptain of Outer Space

That helps, yeah.

SStarboy

Okay.

PPicasso

Look, we're being watched by Starboy and the Captain of Outer Space.

AAnnie

Then they must know of our plan.

WWashington

Not to worry, my evil ones, we've yet to reveal our biggest secret. Bring in the hostages!

WSWilliam Shakespeare [played by Walter]

I'm Shakespeare.

OTOliver Twist [played by Perry]

And I'm Oliver Twist.

MQThe Mermaid Queen [played by Junior]

And I'm the Mermaid Queen.

AAll

Help us!

PPicasso

Yes, if anything should happen to us while we innocently destroy the human race, the hostages get it! And we start with Shakespeare.

SShakespeare

No! I'm too young, and I'm still writing my masterpiece called Katz.

AAnnie

And you'll be next, Oliver Twist.

OOliver

Fine with me.

[Oliver starts laughing, Shakespeare and The Mermaid Queen also starts laughing]

AAnnie

Silence!

WWashington

And finally you, the mermaid.

MQThe Mermaid Queen

But I no do nothing wrong and neither do the other four.

OOliver

The other two.

SShakespeare

Three.

MQThe Mermaid Queen

The other...

AAnnie

Two.

MQThe Mermaid Queen

Two? I'm sorry, I have trouble with the mathematics. Look, I am just saying, please don't kill The Mermaid Queen!

WWashington

You interfere and they get it! Understand, Starboy?

[After seeing the end of the movie]

Foremothers, huh?

Yeah, I wanted to be equal.

Yeah.

Did you enjoy it?

Mm...yes. It was a little confusing.

Well, it's the kind of movie you have to watch a few times to totally get.

I'm sort of concerned, though, about your brains.

What about them?

I'm concerned that they might have been damaged.

Oh, so, you've seen my test.

I don't think that counted as a test, because in a test, you're supposed to answer the questions.

I know.

You did not answer the questions.

I know.

Though you did diagram the sentences of the questions...

Yeah.

Which you did wrong.

Am I in trouble?

Well, the bad news is you are grounded.

What's the good news?

I'm not letting you use your camera for a week.

I think that's still bad news.

Trust me. That is good news.

SStudents

he was a good test subject...I'll call the cops.

How's the documentary?

Good.

AndrewHow's Cynthia?

Hates me.

Good, everything seems to be in order then.

Actually, the way I had it originally planned is that she would like me instead of hate. I somehow mixed it up.

Andrew Ah.

Yeah.

You accidentally made her hate you instead of like you?

Yes I must have mixed something up.

Hmm, sometimes that happens, a classic problem. Did you uh, try too hard around her?

Yes, I tried very hard, I tried very, very hard.

It didn’t work? Have you been acting weird around her?

Yes!

Unnatural? Did you try acting unnaturally?

Yes! I rehearsed.

Right. Did you blurt stuff out you didn’t mean?

Yes! I figured, I’m gonna make myself more memorable.

Mmhmm, right. So she’s never seen you relaxed?

No, she’s never seen me-No. And she still hates me!

Hmm, well have you told her how you feel about her?

Hahahahaha, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

It looks more like i'm going to my prom than my wedding.

Yeah. So you're thinking the green ones, with the big ties--those are better?

You wanna know what a real rash is? I'll tell you! You get a rash somewhere on your body. It hurts so bad that YOU GO BLIND. You blow up like a balloon...end up looking like a circus freak. Next thing you know, you're IN THE CIRCUS. Touring, making good money. You know my life.

[Melissa is in the mall selling items in her Fairy Princess costume.]

Give me those wings.

No, I'll get in trouble. Coach, please.

No. Coach wants to fly away.

Coach, are you drunk?

Yeah, that's why I came to the mall.

{Melissa, Jason and Brendon are in their movies about two mates and a captain on shore leave, with Melissa as the captain}

I gots a better idea what we can do! Let's punch out some scumsuckers, and get drunk, and pee out the window! Then seduce women! Lots of women! Arrgh!

What window?

And get my wallet and checkbook, they're in the third drawer--

I know where they are mother!

Brendon how do you know where my wallet and checkbook are?

...what?

How do you know where my wallet and checkbook are?

...Brendon can't come to the uh, hallway, right now...

Explanation please!

uhh...you know we really should think about calling the fire department.

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