Home Movies · Season 1
Well I just off the phone with dad--he's really broken up about this.
Oh please, the only way to break that man's heart would be to whack it with a sledge-hammer... or take away his anti-depressants. Let's get something to eat, I'm starved!
Makes me hungry just thinking about all the heat.
MAKES ME HUNGRY HOT!
Damn hungry hot.
Damn Chips...
Jason, I'm going to leave you.
No. Brenden, no.
We have to leave each other.
No, Brenden, we only have each other. And food.
Jason, we have to leave each other. We can't do this anymore.
[sighs]
"Jason, aren't you more interested in the history of medieval times? I mean, it really happened."
"So did the sci-fi stuff."
"When, in the future?"
"No! That's why you don't understand it. It's already happening."
Sucks this. Get it? It's backwards for "this sucks."
Do you think I'm a horrible person?
No, I think you're very pretty
I don't mean horrible to look at, I mean horrible because you're my sister's fiance and we just had an affair.
Oh, then yeah.
What the hell is wrong with you people. Are you on drugs?
No.
No.
With all the nicknames. What are those, drug nicknames?
They're band nicknames.
Sounds trite.
Yeah, it sounds like it's been done before.
No, I don't think so...
Lame!
Double Lame-o!
Yeah!
Double Lame-O Donkey D*ck!
Sucking on the Witch's T*t!
(Walter and Perry embrace and fall down, laughing)
[environmental film]
[as a lumberjack] I'm going to chop you down, tree.
[as a tree] Well, okay, but, um, don't, um, because what about the environment?
[as a skunk, moves from behind Brendon] Hello, I'm a skunk.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey, um, I mean, don't chop down the forest.
Okay, I won't chop down the forest, just this tree.
But I'm a tree, and I'm a house for birds and chipmunks and cats and dogs. And I can be useful for people, too. I can be made into wood...
Oh, man. Chop it down.
I'm with you skunk.
Hey, you guys suck.
Lumberjack.
Yep?
Pass me that ax.
[chops Brendon down with the ax and falls down]
[bleeding maple syrup] Aaaah! It hurts!
You can't shut this one up.
Hope you learned your lesson, tree.
It's time to pay the price.
[prison film]
Well, we've done a lot of bad things, right, guys?
Yes, we have. Yes, we have.
And now we're here in jail.
Yes, we are. We're here being punished.
And we hate it. But what can we do? We did wrong.
We can't do anything. Justice has been done. It's time to...[mumbling] pop it pop...
Yeah.
You speak the truth, my brother. It is time to...
Time for that.
Yes, time to...
Pay the...
[all mumbling]
What time is it, actually?
It's 2:30.
Yeah, I got to go home.
Okay, fade to black. The End. Well, we tried.
(to Melissa) You read a book a month? Man, it would take me like a year to read a book a month.
(to Brendon) Quarter for the bus, quarter for the bus. The end. Hey Brendon, the end.
I'm leaving. Doctor, I'm sorry you had to see me this way.
Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
What?
You heard me.
No, I was outside. What?
Oh my god it's death!
Coach it's me Melissa.
Oh my god it's Melissa!
This is my costume.
Hey you know Melissa you shouldn't be walking around the hospital dressed as death.
What else are ya gonna do, Lynch? Are you gonna spank me? Spank me.
McGuirk...
[pulls down pants] Here. Here it is, spank it.
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