Brendon Small quotes from Home Movies

Brendon

You ever heard the phrase "Slipped him a Mickey"? As in: Somebody just slipped that guy a mickey, and now everything looks weird to him.

Jason

Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin'?

Melissa

Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!

Brendon

Fire!

Jason

Ahhh!

Melissa

Direct Hit.

Jason

Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I'm just one monster and when I'm gone! You'll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you'll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you've done. For isn't every man a monster!

Brendon

I guess he's right! I guess we're all!

Jason

Your're damn right I'm right!

Brendon

Yea Yeah I know!

Jason

Stop shooting!

Brendon

Ok! Hey guys!

Jason

Don't you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!

Brendon

Uhh yeah I'm going to tell them hold on.

Jason

Tell the guy that's shooting to stop shooting!

Brendon

Who's shooting!?!

Jason

Oh for god's sakes, tell 'em to stop!

Brendon

I'm trying!

Jason

I mean hello!

Brendon

I know!

Jason

Do you have any control of your people!?!?!

Brendon

I..I Who's shooting?!? Please stop!

Jason

Ah forget it, leave him alone. I'll just die!

Brendon

I'd like to make an appointment, with you if you're free, on Wednesday.

About what time?

Brendon

I'm thinking maybe 3:30. Alright keep that open.

What's this about?

Brendon

I'm going to pound the crap out of you.

Jason

What happens after you punch his butt a second time?

Brendon

I'm gonna probably kick him.

Jason

Kick him! Where you gonna kick him?

Brendon

I'm gonna go for the butt again.

Jason

Okay. Let's get away from the butt.

Brendon

So I just feel like I'm in the way... of Mitch & Lonny.

Paula

Brendon.

Brendon

Yeah?

Paula

You're 8 years old. You need to remember to bring your homework folder to school everyday. You need to remember to wash your hands before you eat your breakfast, lunch, dinner & snack. And you need to worry about all this...

Melissa

Do you want to hear about how great they are together?

Brendon

I WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY PICKED ME TO PLay this trick on, this joke.

Melissa

It wasn't a joke.

Brendon

I got played by both of them and you know what sister? DONT PLAY ME! Dont play Brendon Small because he dont like that stuff.

Melissa

You were playing the game of love and when you play the game of love someone always get's hurt.

Brendon

I'm turning my chips in, you know why?

Melissa

Because you lost?

Brendon

NO I QUIT!

Melissa

You forfeit?

Brendon

I fold! I know what my cards are and you know something? I DONT HAVE A GOOD HAND!

Jason

Well, my entire family isn't blind. Did you ever think of that?

Brendon

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.

McGuirk

Then there’s nice funny--like maybe a little light sarcasm or a clever twist or a knock-knock joke. I like those. You like those?

Brendon

Um…

McGuirk

Knock-knock.

Brendon

Huh.

McGuirk

Brendon. Knock-knock. I’m doing a knock-knock joke. Knock-knock.

Brendon

Uh, hello.

McGuirk

what do you mean, hello? You say who’s there? Brendon. Do you knock a knock-knock joke?

Brendon

Yeah, uh…

McGuirk

I say knock-knock you say who’s there?

Brendon

Yeah, right. I’m not a big fan of…

McGuirk

You know what? Do it. Knock-knock.

Brendon

Who’s there?

McGuirk

No, wait a minute, you say knock-knock.

Brendon

I don’t…knock-knock.

McGuirk

Who’s there?

Brendon

I don’t know.

McGuirk

I don’t know who?

Brendon

I don’t know, I hate this joke.

McGuirk

That’s not funny. It’s got to be a pun or something. You know what? Forget it. Where was I? Oh, yeah, nice funny.

McGuirk

Hey, ladies, uh, my name is John McGuirk. I, uh, am a professional soccer coach at the elementary school level and I own a nice car though I do not currently have legal access to it. Um, as you can see, I used to be in good shape and, uh, in the last two years I’ve successfully completed four out of five rehab programs. The kind of woman I’m interested in is the one, I guess, who’s still watching this video.

Brendon

Cut. I’m going to stop you right there.

McGuirk

What’s? That was, uh, that was not good or…

Brendon

We got it. We got this.

I think you nailed it.

So you were riding your bike on the wrong side of the street. What were you thinking, Brendon?

Brendon

Nothing. Oh, wait, I was trying to remember the name of the guy who played Tron, in Tron.

Paula

900 dollars?! You have got to be kidding.

Brendon

I don't think they're kidding.

Paula

Brendan, you're gonna have to help me with this.

Yes, Brendon, and I don't want to see you around here again. Got it?

Brendon

Yeah, I got it. Look, I'll do the community service, and Mom, I'll help pay you back for the car damage, but Your Honor, I want you to know this: I have learned absolutely nothing. Good day.

Brendon--

Brendon

I believe I said "good day"!

Melissa Robbins

You had an affair? And now she's trying to kill us? How could you?

Brendon

I'm sorry.

Melissa Robbins

Who is she?

Brendon

Just some woman.

Melissa Robbins

Is it because I'm fat?

Brendon

No... In fact, she's fat too.

Brendon

All right, uh, so I'll keep it for the first day, Melissa, uh, keeps it for the second

Melissa Robbins

Okay.

Jason

What if, um, one of us gets hit by a car and then it gets mangled?

Brendon

Then you miss your turn.

Why is Brendon resigning?

Melissa

Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.

No, I didn't.

Melissa

You didn't?

No.

Melissa

Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?

I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.

Brendon

[on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.

Melissa

Well, look at that.

Jason

He's not getting up.

Brendon

Any questions? Anybody have any requests?

Can we get pizza more?

Brendon

"Pizzamore"! I have no idea what that means. Next question!

Is ketchup a vegetable?

Brendon

Very good question. Ketchup is actually a fruit. It's a magical fruit...from outer space! Next question.

You suck!

Brendon

Looks like we have a heckler in the audience! Why don't I take off my head and remove my brain, and we'll start out as equals, huh? Hello?

Shut up!

Brendon

I don't think that's a question.