Melissa Robbins quotes from Home Movies

Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin'?

Melissa

Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!

Fire!

Ahhh!

Melissa

Direct Hit.

Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I'm just one monster and when I'm gone! You'll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you'll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you've done. For isn't every man a monster!

I guess he's right! I guess we're all!

Your're damn right I'm right!

Yea Yeah I know!

Stop shooting!

Ok! Hey guys!

Don't you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!

Uhh yeah I'm going to tell them hold on.

Tell the guy that's shooting to stop shooting!

Who's shooting!?!

Oh for god's sakes, tell 'em to stop!

I'm trying!

I mean hello!

I know!

Do you have any control of your people!?!?!

I..I Who's shooting?!? Please stop!

Ah forget it, leave him alone. I'll just die!

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Melissa

Do you want to hear about how great they are together?

I WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY PICKED ME TO PLay this trick on, this joke.

Melissa

It wasn't a joke.

I got played by both of them and you know what sister? DONT PLAY ME! Dont play Brendon Small because he dont like that stuff.

Melissa

You were playing the game of love and when you play the game of love someone always get's hurt.

I'm turning my chips in, you know why?

Melissa

Because you lost?

NO I QUIT!

Melissa

You forfeit?

I fold! I know what my cards are and you know something? I DONT HAVE A GOOD HAND!

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[As part of his court-ordered video essay, Brendon films Melissa and Jason in a dramatic re-enactment of the accident. Melissa and Jason are in a cardboard box car]

Melissa

I love this new car.

Me too. Do you know what else I love? You.

Melissa

Yeah... We should run over some children.

Yes! Let's go kill children.

Melissa

Yeah! Look! There's one riding towards us now.

Well put your seat-belt on. Let's see what this baby can do!

[After running Brendon over with the cardboard-box-car, Melissa and Jason stand over him]

Melissa

Is he still alive?

Yeah. Hey, go in the trunk, hot stuff, and go get daddy the bat.

Melissa

Sure thing!

We'll finish him off.

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Melissa Robbins

You had an affair? And now she's trying to kill us? How could you?

I'm sorry.

Melissa Robbins

Who is she?

Just some woman.

Melissa Robbins

Is it because I'm fat?

No... In fact, she's fat too.

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[Brendon, Melissa and Jason have won a trophy for Best Young Filmmakers of the Year]

All right, uh, so I'll keep it for the first day, Melissa, uh, keeps it for the second

day, and Jason will keep it for the third day, and we'll keep doing it like that for...

the rest of our lives.

Melissa Robbins

Okay.

What if, um, one of us gets hit by a car and then it gets mangled?

Then you miss your turn.

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SShannon

Why is Brendon resigning?

Melissa

Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.

SShannon

No, I didn't.

Melissa

You didn't?

SShannon

No.

Melissa

Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?

SShannon

I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.

[on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.

[Thurmond walk onto the stage, trips and falls off the stage.]

Melissa

Well, look at that.

He's not getting up.

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Melissa

Jason, what are you getting Fenton for his birthday?

Oh, right, Fenton's party.

Um...I got him an eraser. It's looks like, um, a little football.

It sounds great.

It has a dual function.

Melissa

What does it do other than erase?

You can play catch with it.

Melissa

Oh...

You can almost do that with anything.

But it's shaped like a football, Brendon.

Melissa, what did you get him.

Melissa

I got him a CD.

That's stupid.

Melissa

You could also play catch with it.

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Melissa

Stop it, Jason. you've had enough. You're embarrassing me.

(mocking) Stop it, Jason. you've had enough.

Melissa

You're embarrassing yourself.

You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me.

Melissa

Keep your voice down.

Keep your voice down, Melissa.

Melissa

My voice is down.

Well, mine's down, too, then!

Melissa

Jason, everyone's staring.

Nobody's staring at me. People are staring at you and your stupid rich-bitch dress.

Melissa

Jason, you've had enough.

I know when I've had enough, Melissa, all right? And I certainly haven't had enough. The only thing I've had enough of is you.

Melissa

I'm just trying to help you.

(grabs Melissa) Oh, my god, help me. Help me, Melissa.

Melissa

(hugs Jason) I'll help you, Jason.

FSFenton's Mom

(holding a bowl of gummy bears) More candy, kids?

I gotta go. (grabs the bowl of gummy bears)

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I hate my acting. It's horrible.

Melissa

You think you're bad. What about me? I couldn't act my way into a paper bag. Into.

Are you guys serious? My acting sucks on ice. What was I doing up there? That was not acting, that's for sure.

Brendon, why don't you put some extra bait on that hook.

Melissa

Yeah, and don't forget your tackle box for your compliment fishing trip.

I thought we were all fishing for compliments. That's what we were--oh, forget it.

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[In front of a coffee shop]

This is the perfect place to shoot the final scene.

Melissa

Let's go back to the hotel.

No, no, no. It's fine. Plus I have to pee, so...

Melissa

Hold your breath.

Uh, I think that only works for hiccups.

Melissa

It works for pee, too.

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[Melissa is in the mall selling items in her Fairy Princess costume.]

McGuirk

Give me those wings.

Melissa

No, I'll get in trouble. Coach, please.

McGuirk

No. Coach wants to fly away.

Melissa

Coach, are you drunk?

McGuirk

Yeah, that's why I came to the mall.

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{Melissa, Jason and Brendon are in their movies about two mates and a captain on shore leave, with Melissa as the captain}

Melissa

I gots a better idea what we can do! Let's punch out some scumsuckers, and get drunk, and pee out the window! Then seduce women! Lots of women! Arrgh!

What window?

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Melissa

"Jason, aren't you more interested in the history of medieval times? I mean, it really happened."

"So did the sci-fi stuff."

Melissa

"When, in the future?"