DDoctor
Oh, uh, that's called mouth-breathing. Most children do it, and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
JJudge
So you were riding your bike on the wrong side of the street. What were you thinking, Brendon?
Nothing. Oh, wait, I was trying to remember the name of the guy who played Tron, in Tron.
[As part of his court-ordered video essay, Brendon films Melissa and Jason in a dramatic re-enactment of the accident. Melissa and Jason are in a cardboard box car]
I love this new car.
Me too. Do you know what else I love? You.
Yeah... We should run over some children.
Yes! Let's go kill children.
Yeah! Look! There's one riding towards us now.
Well put your seat-belt on. Let's see what this baby can do!
[After running Brendon over with the cardboard-box-car, Melissa and Jason stand over him]
Is he still alive?
Yeah. Hey, go in the trunk, hot stuff, and go get daddy the bat.
Sure thing!
We'll finish him off.
900 dollars?! You have got to be kidding.
I don't think they're kidding.
Brendan, you're gonna have to help me with this.
JJudge
Yes, Brendon, and I don't want to see you around here again. Got it?
Yeah, I got it. Look, I'll do the community service, and Mom, I'll help pay you back for the car damage, but Your Honor, I want you to know this: I have learned absolutely nothing. Good day.
JJudge
Brendon--
I believe I said "good day"!
You had an affair? And now she's trying to kill us? How could you?
I'm sorry.
Who is she?
Just some woman.
Is it because I'm fat?
No... In fact, she's fat too.
[Brendon, Melissa and Jason have won a trophy for Best Young Filmmakers of the Year]
All right, uh, so I'll keep it for the first day, Melissa, uh, keeps it for the second
day, and Jason will keep it for the third day, and we'll keep doing it like that for...
the rest of our lives.
Okay.
What if, um, one of us gets hit by a car and then it gets mangled?
Then you miss your turn.
SShannon
Why is Brendon resigning?
Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.
SShannon
No, I didn't.
You didn't?
SShannon
No.
Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?
SShannon
I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.
[on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.
[Thurmond walk onto the stage, trips and falls off the stage.]
Well, look at that.
He's not getting up.
Any questions? Anybody have any requests?
FSFemale Student
Can we get pizza more?
"Pizzamore"! I have no idea what that means. Next question!
MSMale Student #2
Is ketchup a vegetable?
Very good question. Ketchup is actually a fruit. It's a magical fruit...from outer space! Next question.
MSMale Student
You suck!
Looks like we have a heckler in the audience! Why don't I take off my head and remove my brain, and we'll start out as equals, huh? Hello?
MSMale Student #3
Shut up!
I don't think that's a question.
This sausage is probably eighteen years old... This sausage could vote. It could go to war and die for its country.
Coach John McGuirk: He left me a frozen sausage that's what you're telling me...oh my life.
Jason, what are you getting Fenton for his birthday?
Oh, right, Fenton's party.
Um...I got him an eraser. It's looks like, um, a little football.
It sounds great.
It has a dual function.
What does it do other than erase?
You can play catch with it.
Oh...
You can almost do that with anything.
But it's shaped like a football, Brendon.
Melissa, what did you get him.
I got him a CD.
That's stupid.
You could also play catch with it.
Stop it, Jason. you've had enough. You're embarrassing me.
(mocking) Stop it, Jason. you've had enough.
You're embarrassing yourself.
You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me.
Keep your voice down.
Keep your voice down, Melissa.
My voice is down.
Well, mine's down, too, then!
Jason, everyone's staring.
Nobody's staring at me. People are staring at you and your stupid rich-bitch dress.
Jason, you've had enough.
I know when I've had enough, Melissa, all right? And I certainly haven't had enough. The only thing I've had enough of is you.
I'm just trying to help you.
(grabs Melissa) Oh, my god, help me. Help me, Melissa.
(hugs Jason) I'll help you, Jason.
FSFenton's Mom
(holding a bowl of gummy bears) More candy, kids?
I gotta go. (grabs the bowl of gummy bears)
Oh, by the way, we're going to meet my girlfriend Linda at the zoo, since you've agreed to go to the zoo.
What, is she one of the exhibits?
Let me tell you something, she could be.
Is she an animal?
No, you're not kidding.
LLinda
[in her underwear] Why didn't you wake me?
Uh, Linda, could you get a robe on or something?
Good morning to me!
LLinda
You were supposed to wake me at 7:45.
I did.
LLinda
Yeah, well, you didn't do a very good job of it. It's 8:30!
I know, but--
LLinda
I've got to be at the cancer institute at 9:00!
I'm sorry, I guess you fell back to sleep.
LLinda
Oh, so you're only going to wake me once, is that it? I get one shot and that's it. Thanks a lot. Now I gotta rush. Great. I'm going to have a fun day at the cancer institute.
I hate my acting. It's horrible.
You think you're bad. What about me? I couldn't act my way into a paper bag. Into.
Are you guys serious? My acting sucks on ice. What was I doing up there? That was not acting, that's for sure.
Brendon, why don't you put some extra bait on that hook.
Yeah, and don't forget your tackle box for your compliment fishing trip.
I thought we were all fishing for compliments. That's what we were--oh, forget it.
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