Jason Penopolis quotes from Home Movies

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Jason

Sucks this. Get it? It's backwards for "this sucks."

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Jason

He's been splattering poop like a monkey's racehorse.

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Scenes with Jason Penopolis 24

Jason

Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin'?

Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!

Fire!

Jason

Ahhh!

Direct Hit.

Jason

Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I'm just one monster and when I'm gone! You'll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you'll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you've done. For isn't every man a monster!

I guess he's right! I guess we're all!

Jason

Your're damn right I'm right!

Yea Yeah I know!

Jason

Stop shooting!

Ok! Hey guys!

Jason

Don't you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!

Uhh yeah I'm going to tell them hold on.

Jason

Tell the guy that's shooting to stop shooting!

Who's shooting!?!

Jason

Oh for god's sakes, tell 'em to stop!

I'm trying!

Jason

I mean hello!

I know!

Jason

Do you have any control of your people!?!?!

I..I Who's shooting?!? Please stop!

Jason

Ah forget it, leave him alone. I'll just die!

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Jason

What happens after you punch his butt a second time?

I'm gonna probably kick him.

Jason

Kick him! Where you gonna kick him?

I'm gonna go for the butt again.

Jason

Okay. Let's get away from the butt.

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Jason [As Louis Braille]: I'm going to get a house with a nice view of the ocean.

Brendon [As Louis Pasteur]: But you're blind.

Jason

Well, my entire family isn't blind. Did you ever think of that?

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.

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[As part of his court-ordered video essay, Brendon films Melissa and Jason in a dramatic re-enactment of the accident. Melissa and Jason are in a cardboard box car]

I love this new car.

Jason

Me too. Do you know what else I love? You.

Yeah... We should run over some children.

Jason

Yes! Let's go kill children.

Yeah! Look! There's one riding towards us now.

Jason

Well put your seat-belt on. Let's see what this baby can do!

[After running Brendon over with the cardboard-box-car, Melissa and Jason stand over him]

Is he still alive?

Jason

Yeah. Hey, go in the trunk, hot stuff, and go get daddy the bat.

Sure thing!

Jason

We'll finish him off.

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[Brendon, Melissa and Jason have won a trophy for Best Young Filmmakers of the Year]

All right, uh, so I'll keep it for the first day, Melissa, uh, keeps it for the second

day, and Jason will keep it for the third day, and we'll keep doing it like that for...

the rest of our lives.

Melissa Robbins

Okay.

Jason

What if, um, one of us gets hit by a car and then it gets mangled?

Then you miss your turn.

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SShannon

Why is Brendon resigning?

Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.

SShannon

No, I didn't.

You didn't?

SShannon

No.

Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?

SShannon

I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.

[on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.

[Thurmond walk onto the stage, trips and falls off the stage.]

Well, look at that.

Jason

He's not getting up.

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Jason, what are you getting Fenton for his birthday?

Oh, right, Fenton's party.

Jason

Um...I got him an eraser. It's looks like, um, a little football.

It sounds great.

Jason

It has a dual function.

What does it do other than erase?

Jason

You can play catch with it.

Oh...

You can almost do that with anything.

Jason

But it's shaped like a football, Brendon.

Melissa, what did you get him.

I got him a CD.

Jason

That's stupid.

You could also play catch with it.

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Stop it, Jason. you've had enough. You're embarrassing me.

Jason

(mocking) Stop it, Jason. you've had enough.

You're embarrassing yourself.

Jason

You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me.

Keep your voice down.

Jason

Keep your voice down, Melissa.

My voice is down.

Jason

Well, mine's down, too, then!

Jason, everyone's staring.

Jason

Nobody's staring at me. People are staring at you and your stupid rich-bitch dress.

Jason, you've had enough.

Jason

I know when I've had enough, Melissa, all right? And I certainly haven't had enough. The only thing I've had enough of is you.

I'm just trying to help you.

Jason

(grabs Melissa) Oh, my god, help me. Help me, Melissa.

(hugs Jason) I'll help you, Jason.

FSFenton's Mom

(holding a bowl of gummy bears) More candy, kids?

Jason

I gotta go. (grabs the bowl of gummy bears)

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Jason

I hate my acting. It's horrible.

You think you're bad. What about me? I couldn't act my way into a paper bag. Into.

Are you guys serious? My acting sucks on ice. What was I doing up there? That was not acting, that's for sure.

Jason

Brendon, why don't you put some extra bait on that hook.

Yeah, and don't forget your tackle box for your compliment fishing trip.

I thought we were all fishing for compliments. That's what we were--oh, forget it.

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[In front of a coffee shop]

This is the perfect place to shoot the final scene.

Let's go back to the hotel.

No, no, no. It's fine. Plus I have to pee, so...

Hold your breath.

Jason

Uh, I think that only works for hiccups.

It works for pee, too.

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{Melissa, Jason and Brendon are in their movies about two mates and a captain on shore leave, with Melissa as the captain}

I gots a better idea what we can do! Let's punch out some scumsuckers, and get drunk, and pee out the window! Then seduce women! Lots of women! Arrgh!

Jason

What window?

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Jason

Makes me hungry just thinking about all the heat.

MAKES ME HUNGRY HOT!

Jason

Damn hungry hot.