I thought about what you said about degrading myself. No more bus station men's room for Eddie Gregg.
Atta boy.
I'm going to work the men's room at the Hotel Excelsior!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Are you kidding? Frank, there's a lynch mob out there.
I know there's a lynch mob out there. I think I can use it.
There's nothing worse than a gloating Italian.
My grandmother was senile. She had so much fun on her birthday. She'd open her present, and drift off, then look back down and see her present, and then she'd be happy all over again.
That's what my father does with his breakfast cereal.
In light of the continuing and deplorable armed robberies of local ice cream vendors this past month, detectives Belker and Goldblume will undertake a second day of undercover assignment as D K E Tano ice cream drivers.
Nobody's going to buy ice cream from Belker!
Look, baby, I know you went to a lot of trouble to line up this opportunity, but I guess I'm just kind of attached to this town, you know?
Oh-h-h-h, me too! Hey, don't get me wrong. Hell, I love junkies getting sick on my shoes twice a week, I get off on transvestites' dried blood, people lunging at me with barbecue forks…oh, yeah…this town? Regular joy machine!
I got a serious problem.
Legal?
No. I forgot it's my mother's birthday today. I haven't gotten her a present yet, and I'm supposed to be there at 6:30.
I'm sure she'll understand if you get her a present tomorrow.
No, she won't understand, Miss Davenport. You don't know my mother.
What did you have in mind?
Suicide.
How could you just quit?
Well, I figured I didn't have much of a choice when he called me into his office and stood up behind his desk, naked from the waist down!
FMiss Fowler
Is there any particular reason you'd like to leave your present position?
[chuckling] Excuse me, but you're asking me why, after twelve years in one of the worst urban wastelands in this country, I'd risk a substantial raise in salary to work in the Bahamas?
FMiss Fowler
Your point is well made.
I'm supposed to spend four whole days giving some Hollywood dirt bag some girl scout tour of this precinct?
Precisely.
[walks out into hallway to greet his Hollywood charge] C'mon, spittoon face.
Look, Mr. Smith, we've come to get your telephone. Can you just tell us where it is?
SSmith
You'll never find it! I-I dropped it in a time warp… between 1771 and 44 A.D.
LHLt. Hunter
Keenly interested as I am in the opinion of coffee-shop help, madam, I must nonetheless insist that you exchange this brûlée grotesque for one medium rare. In addition to which, you will henceforth address me as "Lieutenant."
WWaitress
Forget it, honey.
LHLt. Hunter
Take it back, you impertinent scullery maid! Take it back, I say!
WWaitress
Don’t you bark at me, buster. I’ve been serving you the same slop five days a week for four years running, and the most you ever left me was a quarter!
LHLt. Hunter
Perhaps if you did your job properly, you’d be compensated properly! Why, in Saudi Arabia, you’d be physically maimed for this sort of malfeasance!
WWaitress
You don't get squat from me, you two-bit Nazi!
Look, hairball, I'll tell you this: I got stuff that took me two weeks to set up. Tomorrow you find yourself a new babysitter.
[holding up a bag of drugs] Oh, man, look at all this powdered sugar! What were you doing, my man, making a cake?
SSmith
I get a phone call, don't I?
One ten-cent call. That's it.
And no intergalactic area codes, okay?
A lot of people have soiled themselves in doing what they thought was right!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hill Street Blues pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.