I reckon this will go on his permanent record.
SSid
I don't know if I could take the pressure.
What do you bet he cracks and rats us all out?
Don't worry. Arnold's not a snitch. He won't rat.
I'm telling you, he won't rat! [to Arnold] Did you rat?
No, Harold, I didn't rat.
Well, you'd better not, 'cause if you do, you know what will happen.
That's right, I'll pound you.
I will, Arnold. You can believe me! [stutters] You know what, I'll pound you so good that you'll be sorry!
Young Man, I hold here in my hand your Permanent Record. Now you still have a chance to save yourself. Just tell me who the real mooners are. Tell me their names, and I won't have to enter this terrible black mark on your Record.
[to Arnold] You understand that your Permanent Record will follow you all the way to Junior High?
And you still won't tell.
Then, you leave me no choice.
I did it, it was me! I'm sorry, Arnold is completely innocent. I'm the mooner. I am the mooner! [sobs]
SSid
And me! We all did it together. [sobs]
Arnold had nothing to do with it.
SSid
Oh, he was just a pawn in a horrible, twisted prank!
He's a saint. He's a saint. [Arnold smiles]
Well, Young Man, I suppose this lets you off the hook... [closes the top of the permanent black marker] ...for now.
I had to do it. I just couldn't live with the guilt.
It's gonna go on your Permanent Record.
Yeah, I know, but I'd never figure I'd make it to Junior High anyways.
I feel so much better now that we fessed up.
SSid
Me too. I guess we didn't realize it, but deep down, the guilt was driving us crazy the whole time, you know, subconsciously.
Hey, Arnold, do you remember when I said you don't have any guts, 'cause you wouldn't moon Principal Wartz?
Why, you don't have any guts then, but after you showed up to Wartz and didn't rat us out, well, I figure that took a lot of guts. More guts than me and Sid and Stinky got put together.
SSid
Yeah, Arnold, you've got guts.
You are just chock full of guts.
Hey, guys, what do you say tomorrow, we'd make a great big old sign that says "KICK ME," and tape it to Mr. Simmons' back?
SSid
[giggles] What a great idea.
Everybody would be kicking him all day, and he won't get why!
I know if that's not such a great idea...
It means weird, and that's a major understatement. I mean, the boy's wearing pajamas for heaven's sake.
And look, there have little bears on them!
SSid
Boy howdy, talk about embarrassing!
[Arnold blushes]
[laughs] That was the best one yet!
Whillikers, Harold, I reckon you beat everyone in the whole dang school.
SSid
You are the Champion Arm Wrestler of P.S. 118 — the king.
That's right, I am the king! [laughs]
I suppose now you'll be signing up for the Citywide Arm-Wrestling Tournament.
What's all the excitement?
Well, it kind of looks like I'm gonna be entering the Citywide Arm-Wrestling Tournament.
You mean the one next Saturday?
[Patty laughs]
Nothing. It's just that, well, I'm thinking of entering, too.
Well, I'll be danged. An arm-wrestling couple.
SSid
Why don't you wrestle each other right now?
[everybody chatters excitedly]
Sure, why not? Heck, I could use the practice.
[Patty rolls up her right sleeve as she and Harold start to arm-wrestle]
On three. One, two, three!
[everybody gasps]
[all laughing. Harold's eyes fill with tears and he runs away]
[Harold is nowhere to be seen]
[Arnold walks in the hallway unaware of Harold hiding under the drinking fountain and steps on his foot]
Sorry, Harold. I didn't see you under there.
That's 'cause I didn't want you to see me, Arnold. I'm hiding.
From Sid and Stinky, and everybody else who saw that stupid jerk Patty beat me at arm-wrestling.
What are you talking about, Harold? Patty's not a jerk, she's your friend.
She was my friend, Arnold, until she beat me.
So, what if she beat you? What's the big deal?
I'll tell you what the big deal is, Arnold. An hour ago, I was arm-wrestling king. And now? Now, I'm just a big wuss, that everybody's making fun of 'cause I lost to a girl.
That's completely ridiculous. I mean, who cares if Patty's a girl? She's a really good arm wrestler. Just tell Sid and Stinky to stop acting dumb.
You're not listening, Arnold! Those guys are never gonna let me live this down. Not unless I beat Patty!
SSid
Hey, Harold, what are you doing down there? Hiding from Big Patty?
You're afraid the girl's gonna find ya, and beat you up again?
[school bell rings as they laugh]
See? I told you, Arnold! [sobs] What am I gonna do?
Well, if that's important to you to beat her, I guess you could just practice and work harder.
Practice? What are you talking about?
SSid
[to Curly, dressed as a dead bride] I can't believe you'd pull such a dirty trick!
EHEugene Horowitz
I can't believe how nice you look in that dress!
OK, it was a dirty trick, I admit it. But I wanted to tell the story! Why should Gerald always get to tell the stories? IT'S NOT FAIR!
SSid
I say we lock him in the crypt and leave him here!
Until three days ago, I was Phoebe Heyerdahl, fourth grader, straight-A student, and a good friend to a lot of you. But then something happened. [nervously] I accidentally... uh, well, I accidentally passed... went... [furiously] Heck, I'm just gonna say it! I farted! [the kids whistle and laugh] Yes, that's right! I "let one rip", I "honked a big jobber", "blew the tuba", "popped a whopper"! [the kids stop laughing as she gets serious] You all thought it was pretty funny. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd think it was kind of funny too, but ever since then, I've gone from being Phoebe Heyerdahl to just "that girl who farted", and I don't think it's fair, because I'm more than that! If you ask me, I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I think you're the ones that should be ashamed! [leaves the stage]
Well, folks, I for one applaud Miss Heyerdahl for having the courage to stand up for herself, and I think you should, too. What do you say, gang?
I got something to say. Phoebe's a farter! Phoebe's a farter! [Laughs, then, quite suddenly, he wets his pants] Uh-oh.
SSid
Look! Harold wet his pants! [the kids laugh]
[bawls and fleeing the room] Mommy! Mommy!
Rhonda [to Phoebe, smirking] He's never gonna hear the end of it. [the episode ends with Phoebe leaning back in her seat, smiling]
Hey Arnold! · 434 quotes
