Harold quotes from Hey Arnold!

Rhonda

What did you do, Harold?!

Harold

Nothing.

Rhonda

Harold, this is not our egg. This — I don't even know what this is. What did you do with Courtney?

Harold

Uh, I, Uh... Oh! I was hungry!

Rhonda

You...ate...our...baby?

[telling his scary story] This here yarn of a horror is about the ever-frighting: Monkeycat. In the dingy laboratory of the despicable Dr. Mischief, there lived an old furry cat. One day, the cat snuck into the cage of a frisky monkey and got himself caught. Dr Mischief watched as the monkey and the cat began to fight, they became entangled together and that's when the evil doctor got his big idea. He cut off the monkey's head and sewed on the cat's body and invented...Monkey-cat!

Gerald

Monkey-cat?

Monkey-cat!

Gerald

What's so scary about that?

It's a banana eating milk drinking horror monster, Monkey-cat!

Harold

[throws his pillow at Stinky's face] That's not scary, that's stupid.

Helga

[to Harold] So how much money do you got? [Harold shows Helga two quarters in his hand] Enough for one call each. Hello, Mom! It's me, Helga! I'm stuck at The Chocolate Factory with a moron named Harold. The school bus left us here and we don't have any way to get back. Oh, please pick up, Miriam. [Helga hangs up the phone]

Harold

[dials the pay phone] Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.

I've never heard of you! Don't call me again!

Harold

[hangs up phone] Oops. Dialed the wrong number.

Helga

Just brilliant. You don't even know your own phone number.

Harold

Hey, look! The subway! We're saved!

Helga

Yeah, great idea, genius. Only one little problem — it costs money to take the subway, and we don't have any.

Harold

Then we'll just jump the gate. No one ever gets caught. Come on! [gets stuck on the turnstile entrance]

Hey! You two kids! Come back here!

Harold

[relieved] Oh! [sighs] That was close. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick!

Helga

"No one ever gets caught."

Helga

[to Earl] Hey Mister, wake up!

What? Who goes there?

Helga

Can you give us a ride into town?

Harold

There are some crazy midget clowns that wanna kill us!

Midget clowns eh? Arr!

Helga

[Harold has begun to hug her] Get off of me, you big whale!

Harold

Ow.

Helga

Everything that happened today was your fault. You can't do anything right! Can't you? Take the bus for example. Why do you think we've missed it, Harold? Oh, let me see, hmm... maybe it was because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in Chocolate Num-Nums! Oh, how about this one? "Let's take the subway, I think it goes to Lincoln." Oh, wait, no, it doesn't, it goes straight to the bowels of the underworld! Population: homicidal, toothless, midget clowns! "I know, let's steal their bike, they won't mind." Now, you'd think that would be quite enough to fill any moron's day, but you are not just any moron, are you, Harold? You are the king! Your day's just getting started. So, because of your amazing curiosity about the world around us, you pulled the plug out of the bottom of our getaway boat! [sighs] You idiot...

Harold

So, is that what you really think of me, Helga? Do you think I'm an idiot who can't do anything right?

Helga

Yes, Harold, that's what I really think.

Harold

[when he saw a D+ on his paper] Oh, I hate school. I wish I never had to go to school again.

Come on, Harold, it's not that bad.

Harold

Yes it is! We're trapped in here day after day doing boring stuff and standing in line for cold, crappy food that they don't even give me time to eat! Oh, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I just wish there was some way to get out of school, and to get to stay home, and to be free!

Principal Wartz

Yes? Oh. Thank you, Harold. You’re right, I should have this fire extinguisher refilled immediately. It’s not safe, otherwise. Thank you, though. Now run along to your class.

Harold

Hey! That stupid dork was supposed to suspend me!

Principal Wartz

[he heard Harold; walks out of his office; offended] Harold, did you just call me a stupid dork?

Harold

No, no, no, no! [realizes he could be suspended for doing that] I mean yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid dork!

Principal Wartz

That's a violation against the school constitution, Article 34, Section C, Paragraph 2. You're suspended.

Harold

YES! I mean- awww, gee...

Principal Wartz

Harold, you are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of school property.

Harold

But, Principal Wartz...

Principal Wartz

Uh, sorry, Harold. But the school constitution demands that I give you another week of suspension.

Harold

Another week? No, please!

Principal Wartz

Rules are rules, I'm afraid. Now, promise me, Harold, that you won't let me catch you on the premises again.

Harold

I promise, Principal Wartz. I won't go on the premises again.

Principal Wartz

Yes, can I help you?

Harold

Someone ordered a pizza for the Teacher's Lounge?

Principal Wartz

What are you doing here, Harold?

Harold

[in a fake Italian accent] I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not Harold, I'm a little old Italian man delivering a pizza. See? I-I even have a mustache. [Wartz takes the mustache off of Harold] OW!

Principal Wartz

That's another week's suspension for you, young man.

Harold

Awwwww...

Principal Wartz

Repeat slowly after me.

Harold

Slowly after me.

Principal Wartz

No. Not yet. Alright, now! "I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks."

Harold

I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks.

Principal Wartz

Good, I'll see you in three weeks.

Harold

Good, I'll see you in three weeks.

Principal Wartz

Harold?

Harold

Harold.

Principal Wartz

D'oh!

Harold

I’ll be on school grounds in no time. What a great plan!

Principal Wartz

Hello, Son. You're digging quite a hole there, aren't you?

Harold

Yeah. See, I got suspended because I called the Principal a stupid dork. [grunts as he shovels some dirt] And now he won't let me into the school, [grunts as he shovels more dirt] so I'm gonna tunnel in.

Principal Wartz

Is that so? That's another week's suspension for you, Mr. Berman.

Harold

Awwwww... [the shovel drops on his foot] OW!

Principal Wartz

And fill up that hole.

Principal Wartz

What the devil's wrong with you two? You are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school!

With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights.

Harold

And it says here in, uh, Article 39, Section 4, when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions!

[Correcting Harold] ...stances.

Harold

...stances! Right. Outside circumstances!

And we have here 40 pages of the material explaining why we have the rights to be back into school. Under article 39, we would like a review of our case by an outside agency.

Principal Wartz

You boys make a very impressive case. The only problem is that you are talking about an outdated school constitution from 1956. This is the current constitution, and there is nothing in here about any appeals, that's for sure.

Rhonda

It means weird, and that's a major understatement. I mean, the boy's wearing pajamas for heaven's sake.

Harold

And look, there have little bears on them!

Boy howdy, talk about embarrassing!

Harold

[laughs] That was the best one yet!

Whillikers, Harold, I reckon you beat everyone in the whole dang school.

You are the Champion Arm Wrestler of P.S. 118 — the king.

Harold

That's right, I am the king! [laughs]

I suppose now you'll be signing up for the Citywide Arm-Wrestling Tournament.

Harold

Yeah, why not?

Hello, Harold.

Harold

Oh, uh, hey, Patty.

What's all the excitement?

Harold

Well, it kind of looks like I'm gonna be entering the Citywide Arm-Wrestling Tournament.

You mean the one next Saturday?

Harold

Yep, that's the one.

Harold

What's so funny?

Nothing. It's just that, well, I'm thinking of entering, too.

Well, I'll be danged. An arm-wrestling couple.

Why don't you wrestle each other right now?

Harold

Sure, why not? Heck, I could use the practice.

On three. One, two, three!

Harold got beat.

By Big Patty.

And she's a girl.

What a wuss.

Harold, wait.