Kono Kalakaua quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Jerry

How can I help?

Steve

So, listen, if somebody wanted to live off the grid, Jerry, and I'm talking like Big Brother-fearing, income tax-avoiding, way, way off the grid, where would they go?

Kono

We're talking no phone service, no nosey tourists, no contact with the outside world.

Lou

What they're trying to say is where do your like-minded friends all live? How many people we looking at? Maybe a dozen, possibly more.

Officer Kai, back in the saddle. I told Gene here I used to work this gig over at the Marriott. He was kind enough to let me take the wheel.

Kono Kalakaua

Well, you still got the touch, I see.

Indeed, I do. But, full disclosure, your window of opportunity has finally closed. I've been in an exclusive relationship for three weeks.

Kono

Really? Hmm, well, who's the lucky girl?

Her name is Brenda. Met her at a karaoke bar. My rendition of "Love Is a Battlefield" closed the deal.

Kono

Bold choice. I'm sure you hit those high notes.

You do understand that if there's a widespread outbreak of this virus, we'd be looking at a slate wiper.

Danny

Slate wiper?

From all the projections we've done, a weaponized H5N4 would decimate the population.

Kono

Of Oahu?

The world. [they see a computer simulation where Oahu is gradually swamped with red dots indicating cases and the world turns red as well]

Kono, you okay?

Kono Kalakaua

Yeah, I'm good. I look worse than I feel.

Come here. What happened?

Kono

It doesn't matter. What matters is I love you. And I can't imagine my life without you. [Adam is nonplussed] I want to be your wife, Adam.

Really? [Kono smiles and they kiss]

Kono

What's with you and salvage?

Kid, this is a perfectly good example of vintage aviation.

Lou Grover

Uh-uh. It's a washing machine with propellers.

Frank

Big man, you're not exactly paying top dollar here. In fact, you're not paying anything at all. So if I were you, I'd grab a double-wide seat and keep a bag handy.

Lou

Hang on a second. I know this old hippie didn't just call me fat.

Lou

Oh, Jerry, by the way, I've been meaning to ask you. You're not one of those nuts that thinks Elvis is still alive, are you?

Jerry

Of course not. No sane person believes he is. Elvis died years ago. Almost as long as Paul McCartney.

What? He's one of the two Beatles who actually is still alive.

Jerry

Nope. Died in a car crash in '67. Replaced with a look-alike.

Kono

One very talented look-alike.

Steve

Come on, Jer, everybody knows that's an urban legend.

Jerry

What?

Steve

What "what"?

Jerry

Have you listened to "Strawberry Fields"? The evidence is all there. John confessed.

Lou

[deadpan] Oh sure. And I suppose Ringo shot Kennedy.

Kono Kalakaua

Dad? [runs up to them] I didn't think you were coming.

You know she wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Chin Ho Kelly

[to Dr. Shaw] Her mother had an aneurysm a few years back.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Kono

[kneels and faces her mother Nani] I'm doing it, Mom.

She's very proud of you.

Kono

Malama pono.

Aloha Au Ia 'oe.

Kono

[to Nani] Malama pono.

You did good, ku'uipo.

Kono Kalakaua

I fell.

You're going to get knocked off your board many times, Kono. The only thing that matters is that you get back up.

Danny

I'm going to the crime lab. You want to come with me?

Kono

Isn't it Eric's first day?

Danny

It is. That's why I'd like you to come, so I don't punch him in the mouth.

Can I at least wear a bulletproof vest?

Kono

Why? If they shoot you, it'll be in the head.

Kono

People pay good money to spend the night outdoors while a bunch of actors in masks scare the hell out of them chasing them around.

Danny

Uh-huh. I know a couple streets in Camden where you get the same experience, free of charge.

I don't suppose we can just head down to campus and fingerprint all of his students?

Steve

Maybe we can.

How?

Steve

Well, it seems to me that there's now an opening for a new economics professor at OSU, and it just so happens that one of our own minored in business at Seton Hall.

Danny

How could you possibly know that? That's not even in my personnel file.

Steve

You think I'm gonna take you on to be my partner this whole time without doing my homework?

Kono

Wait. Boss, you've been sitting on that for six years?

Grover

That means he's probably got something on all of us.

Danny

You selfishly punched yourself in the eyeball so that I didn't get to do it. Is that right?

Steve

No. Not even close.

Danny

You know, buddy, if it's something that's, uh, embarrassing, something you don't want to share with us, you know, we understand.

[smirks] Yeah, we totally understand, Steve. The last thing we would want to do is make you uncomfortable.

Kono

Yeah. You can tell us when you're ready, boss.

Steve

[unimpressed] You guys suck at reverse psychology.

Lou

Well, then tell us the damn story, why don't you?

Steve

All right, you all know that I've been trained by the U.S. government to resist interrogation, right?

Danny

That's fine. So we'll just keep taking bad guesses, then.

Sang Min

[teasing] Every king needs his queen and here she is. You know, I didn't realize you cared so much about my safety. I'm, um, I'm deeply touched. You know, I'd feel a lot safer if you were by my side until the trial starts.

Kono

[deadpan] Okay. You know what? I'm glad your lawyer's here, because I'm gonna hit you, and I want proof that it was provoked.

Sang Min

Oh, you know, give me your best shot, Spicy. You know, because it's been a long time since I felt a woman's hands on my body.

Odell

Is he always this creepy?

Kono

Yes.

Steve

Yeah, pretty much the whole time we've known him