And if someone were stunned, even momentarily, that may be enough time to recover my...
Crest?
YES! [Birdman squeezes through oil covered hole, wearing no pants] BIRDMAN'S CREST ON X'S HELMET!
[a pregnant pause]
Well, that was a little creepy.
S3X Gets the Crest
S3Birdgirl of Guantanomole
[Phil Ken Sebben introduces his daughter]
Judy thinks she's interested in a law career. Ha ha ha! Pfft.
JJudy
That's right, and I've been particularly interested in your work, Mr. Birdman.
Really?
[Phil slaps Harvey with his mug, but appears across the room in the next frame]
Birdman, don't get any ideas, you hear? No touchy touchy, no rubby rubby patty, and no looky looky touchy.
Sucky.
Mr. Mole, please show us your uniform.
MMMorocco Mole
My uniform?
The Geneva Convention states that only those in uniform are considered soldiers.
Objection, he isn't even wearing any pants.
Exactly.
Neither am I. Is that a crime?
Uh, yes. Yes, it is.
S3Turner Classic Birdman
You're no longer in control of your mind, and your wings are missing too.
I am no longer in control of my mind, and my wings are missing too.
Ehh, you don't have to repeat what I'm saying.
I don't have to repeat what you're saying.
I mean it stop it.
I mean it stop it... You mean it stop it
Okay, lets try this: you only do it when I say "Mentok Says," okay?
[is silent]
Okay, good.
Okay, good.
I didn't say "Mentok says."
You didn't say..
That's it, Falcon Seven! I quit!
FSFalcon Seven
Quit, and do what?
I don't know, a regular job, like normal people have, a desk job with normal clothes and regular work, work you get paid for…
[cut to present day]
[over intercom] Birdman, get in here! A Mr. Peebles is suing Mr. Dibble!
Sigh!
RORobert Osborne
And that was 1944's "Double Indemnity" with Fred MacMurray and, of course, the glorious Barbara Stanwyck. Now, later Frank Capra would confess in his autobiography that he fell in love with Stanwyck and had he not been more in love with Lucille Rayburn, whom he eventually did marry, he would have asked Barbara Stanwyck to marry him, after she called it quits with Frank Fay and before she married Robert Taylor. Well, that's it for tonight, thanks for watching, and I'll see you next time.
S3Beyond the Valley of the Dinosaurs
GGrok
An oracle foretold of a pink feathered man-bird coming from the sky to bring pestilence and death upon our tribe. You bad chinga, brother.
I'm not a marriage counselor, but I do have this whip.
S3Evolutionary War
Peanut, if we're going to win this case, I need proof.
Proof of what?
Um... Evolution?
[they come across an unnamed governor suspiciously-reminiscent of George Wallace at the schoolhouse gates]
I'd look elsewhere for that...
[Harvey is in a stall in the bathroom]
[sighs]
That you Birdman?
You know, now is not a great time.
Did'ja get that thing I sent ya?
No! No I didn't! I never get that thing you sent me! I've never gotten that thing you sent me, and I'm beginning to wonder if you ever once sent me anything! While I'm at it, if I HAD gotten that thing you sent me—EVER!—I doubt I'd be interested in what it said. [loud sigh]
[whimpers]
Hey, hey, oh... I'm, I'm sorry.
[sobs uncontrollably]
Look, I, uh... I made a mistake. Yeah! It seems I did get something earlier today.
[bursts out of stall] YA DID!? [runs out of bathroom] HE GOT THAT THING I SENT 'EM!
S3Free Magilla
Mopey, mopey hippo!
[showing the triplets how to tie a knot] The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes around the tree, sees a lady rabbit and invites her back to the waren, but then remembers he's married, so he takes a detour to that little motel out on the interstate.
SSpewie
What else can you teach us, Mr. Phil?
Uhh, I dunno. How about first aid?
[the triplets cheer]
Alright. Lesson number 1: choking. Okay, which one of you can pretend to be choking for me? Has to be realistic, now.
[Potamus falls over choking in the background]
S3Return of Birdgirl
Shhh... Shhh... Birdman, Shhh... Shhhent ya... Shh.
But I don't know what I'm doing.
Nonsense. Look at me. Look at me. Now, listen very closely... to what I'm about to say to you.
Oh, okay...
Promise that you are going to listen to these words with all your heart.
Okay.
Do you have... inside you... here...?
Yes?
Deep, deep, inside you... Do you have the one true thing that you need... in life that will guide you through it all?
Yes?
Do you have that one thing...?
What thing? Tell me. WHAT IS IT?!
It is that thing that I sent to you.
[an exasperated Harvey plunges his face back into the sink.]
[leaves bathroom, passing attendant Azul Falcone] You're outta talc!
S3Mindless
SSpyro
So, Mr. Dum-Dum, please tell us what happened on the morning of the 24th.
DDDum-Dum
Der, well, it was a Thursday. Thursday's the garbage day in our house.
[in his head] This is my life. This... is what it's come to. Off the charts IQ, best schools in the galaxy, and I'm stuck here with Butter-Boob (Dum-Dum) and Nit-Snicky (Sypro).
[To the dog and Spyro, who have swapped minds] You two, scat. I wanna lock up.
SSpyro (as dog)
I'll bite you on the ass. Growl.
Oh alright, I'll switch you back. Geez; spoilsport. Booweeoop'kay.
[an unearthy voice utters 'MENTOK' as the mind of Spyro and a dog exchange bodies]
[to Spyro] Say something. [Spyro barks] Uh,oh. [to dog] You? [dog barks] Mmmmnot good.
S3Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation
VOVoice over
Sebben and Sebben gives back to the community in a number of ways, our support of the arts featuring the annual Sebben and Sebben Shakespeare festival
[Phil is is alone on a stage, dressed as Hamlet.]
To die... to sleep... to sleep, perchance to dream; ay, there's the rub... Ha ha... rub! For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come... must give us pause... make us bear those... uh, I've forgotten. Huh... I know I'm depressed about something. Uh-ba-da-da... mother: dead.... no, father dead, mother alive, kind of a sexy thing with the mom, uncle; probably killed my father, girlfriend: crazy as a loon, her father's a chatterbox, I killed him... ah, this is all too complicated. [Thunderous applause.]
VOVoice over
And most importantly providing the resources for individual employees to set up their own charity work, like the Peter Potamus Home for Hot Unwed Mothers.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.