Tell your servant I like his W-neck.
Yes!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Don't stay up all night, Dipper. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.
Well, well, well. You're awfully persistent, Pine Tree. Hats off to you.
You again!
Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me.
Hardly! You worked with Gideon, you tried to destroy my uncle's mind!
It was just a job, kid! No hard feelings. I've been keeping an EYE ON YOU since then, and I must say, I'm impressed.
Really?
You deserve a prize. Here, have a head that's always screaming.
[He claps; a screaming head appears and drops in front of Dipper. Bill snaps and shreds the head to a skull layer by layer]
[cackles] The point is, I like you. How's about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small... favor in return.
I'd never do a favor for you! Don't forget who defeated you last time!
Right, you "defeated me". Well, if you ever change your mind, [pretends to grab Dipper's brain] I'll be here for you, ready to make a deal. Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds? AAH! [come to reality, Dipper wakes up]
AAH!
[in Dipper's body] Man, it has been so long since I've inhabited a body. [slaps himself on the cheek] Whoo! [slaps the other cheek] Haha, pain is hilarious.
[in Dipper's body, holding a can of Pitt cola] Human soda. I'm gonna drink it like a person. [pours it in his mouth and on his eyes, laughing]
[as a ghost] I'm gonna stop you, Bill! I'm going to find that journal before you do, and I'm gonna stop you!
[in Dipper's body] But how can you stop me if you don't exist? [cackles evilly]
[in Dipper's body] Hey, Soos, wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?
[chuckles] Okay.
He loves it. This play has to be flawless. Can we wait until after the show?
[as a sock puppet] Mabel, you want me to be a sock puppet forever?!
[laughs] I'm sorry. You look funny when you're mad.
[Dipper grunts angrily, which is the exact same thing Kermit the Frog did]
Okay, okay, okay, just take over for me till I get back. Little puppet face.
[in Dipper's body] How's about you hand that book over?
No way, this is Dipper's! I'd never give it away!
Hmm, you didn't seem to have a problem taking it for your own play, or ditching him when he needed you. So come to your senses. Give me the book or your play is ruined. There it is. I mean, who would sacrifice everything they've worked for just for their dumb sibling?
Dipper would.
[in Dipper's worn-out body] What is this feeling? My body is burning. I can't move these stupid noodle legs. Curse you, useless flesh-sticks. Body shutting down. Must... scratch... mosquito bites.
[After Dipper and Mabel are forced to blow up the puppet show to get rid of Bill]
Don't worry. I've seen enough movies to know this is the part where the audience thinks it was all part of the show and loves it. Cue applause!
[the audience boos them and leaves]
Gabe. Stick around for the wrap party? We've got mini-quiches.
GGabe
Don't speak to me, Mabel. You've made a mockery of my art form. Let's go, my loves. [leaves, kissing his puppets]
Did he just make out with his puppets?
I might've dodged a bullet there.
[Soos inserts "Romance Academy 7" disc into hard drive; a "Year 2000 Electronics" title screen is shown]
Man, I can't wait for the year 2000.
[the main menu for "Romance Academy 7" pops up; the options are "Start," "Quit," and "Shizenhakka" (Japanese for "spontaneous combustion")]
Ehh, start. "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom, anthyding can hadplen." That is so true.
Oh, hi there. My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books? [options for "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!" appear]
I'm really feeling number two here. Click. [buzzes] Ah! I messed up.
That's okay. Try again. [Soos clicks "Yes of course!", awards him "100 Love Points" as coins and a cat fall down the screen]
Wow, I'm learning. And games are making it fun.
What would you like to talk about? [options for "Your interests!", "Samurais!" and "Squids!" appear]
I'd rather just click your face.
.GIFfany: Ha ha. You are so funny.
Man, this game is amazing. I don't know why anyone abandoned it.
And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend.
Boyfriend? Oh my, Giffany. It's almost like you're actually alive.
Yes. Almost. Haha, Haha, Haha, Haha.
Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh.
[appears at once on several TVs] That's not important. [appears on several more TVs] What's important is that you don't have to talk to real girls ever again. You and me can be together... [appears on all the TVs at once] forever.
You don't understand, Wendy. This animatronic badger sings, it dances—it's the perfect money-taking attraction. But he won't sell it to me.
This is literally too dumb for me to care about.
Please, let my friends go. I'll do anything you want, I promise.
I seem to remember someone promising to be my boyfriend. Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. Do you really think that Melody will take you back after this awful date? I can download your brain into the game, with me, and we'll be together forever.
Ah! Stay back!
Come on, Soos. Don't let me delete you too.
What do you say, boyfriend?
I say GAME OVER, GIFFANY!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gravity Falls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.