Look, real life stinks sometimes, okay, I'm not gonna lie. But there's a better way to get through it than denial, and that's with help from people who care about you.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Mabel, I thought you were living a fantasy, but look at me! I actually thought I was gonna stay here and be Ford's apprentice! Spend my entire teens cooped up in a basement with a labcoat? How ridiculous is that? I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but whatever it is, you don't have to fear, because we'll do it together. I'm not taking Ford's apprenticeship. We've travelled to Heck and back to get you, and we're goin' back together. Leave this fantasy world. Let's beat Bill and grow up together.
JKJudge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Shwartstein
ORDER! ORDER! [Bangs mallet] ORDER IN THE COURT! DANG IT, why is this hammer squeaky?!
You mean it? You're really coming home with me?
Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. Awkward sibling hug?
[Crowd shrieks]
BBBlue Bird
Just don't do it!
CCraz
DON'T DO IT!
JKJudge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Shwartstein
You do this and it's all over!
Sincere sibling hug. [Hugs Dipper]
JKJudge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Shwartstein
DON'T DO THE PATS!
DMDipper and Mabel
[Pat each other] Pat pat. [A ripple comes from their spot, blowing Judge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Shwartstein's wig away and one of the benches falls over. All of the jurors disappear]
[Rubs eyes] Aw, man, I never noticed how bright this place is, ugh! Have I actually been listening to the same song for an entire week?
[Xyler and Craz emerge from a pile of confetti]
XXyler
Whoa! We survived! [they stand up, Craz spits confetti]
CCraz
But where are we? [they walk to a bench and sit down]
XXyler
Are we real? Is this reality? [they observe Gravity Falls in its chaos and destruction] Cats postulated that every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.
CCraz
Totally righteous, bro.
XXyler
I know.
LKLarry King's Head
Hey, is anyone gon' feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head needs num-nums.
Since the Mayor got captured, I elected myself de-facto Chief. The plan's to stay in here and eat brown meat until we run out. Then I vote we eat the gnomes.
JGJeff the Gnome
Hey! I'm short, not deaf!
Shh. Stress will make you chewy.
Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive, you must want something from me.
Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed, I've recently had a multidimensional makeover. I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself. But I wasn't always this way. You think those chains are tight? Imagine living in the Second Dimension: flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Incredible! Gravity Falls' Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism - I studied this years ago!
And did you find a way to undo it?
Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Listen, Ford - if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. Anything will be possible! I'll remake a fun world, a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful! Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
You're insane if you think I'll help you!
[laughs] I'm insane either way, brainiac! But have it your way! I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind! [prepares to enter Ford's mind]
Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. [Bill returns to physical form] You may be able to haunt my dreams, but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in!
[sighs, chains Ford up] You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk. It's only a matter of time! [Ford screams]
Question: does it have any gun-swords? I watch a lot of anime and, trust me, you're going to want some gun-swords.
What's an anime?
We have much to discuss.
Discuss nothing. These scribbles are a bunch of cockamamie balderdash. Excuse my French.
FLFrench Lilliputian
Je ne sais quoi sacrebleu au revoir. [Subtitles: I don't believe that was French.]
[The Gravity Falls rebels confront Bill's gang in the "Shacktron"]
[through a microphone] Uh, hey, dudes. Is this thing on? Test. [feedback screeches] Heh. Uh, I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford, or we'll have to, like, fight and junk. Heh. [pointing at Paci-Fire] Hey, you're a little cutie.
PFPaci-Fire
I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Whoa. I liked you better before you talked. Real... real bring-down, this guy.
[After the "Shacktron" defeats Bill's Henchmaniacs]
Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Bravo, Dipper and Mabel!
...Well, would you look at that! Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. DON'T YOU?
What are you-? Oh. Oh, no!
Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
[Grenda rips out Bill's eye with the Shacktron]
ARGH! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?!
Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!
No! Don't do it!
Yeah, Bill makes bad deals!
Don't you toy with me, Shooting Star! [his eye shows an image of a galaxy] I SEE EVERYTHI- [Mabel sprays it with paint] OW! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Nice shot, pumpkin!
I just regenerated that eye!
I know that hurts, because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
You two wait here! I've got some children I need to make into corpses! [morphs into a huge, red, multi-armed form] SEE YA REAL SOON!
No! Wait! No! No! Oh, what do we do? What do we do?!
[frantically bangs on cage bars] Kids!
When I get my hands on you kids, I'm gonna DISASSEMBLE YOUR MOLECULES! YOU'VE TRICKED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!
Ohh, I can't believe this! The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault! Because I couldn't shake your stupid hand! Ugh, Dad was right about me. I am a screwup.
[sighs] Don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would've seen him for the scam artist he is. [drinks from "water" flask and shares it with Stan]
How did things get so messed up between us?
We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?
Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better. [Ford stands up] Whoa, where are you going?
I'm gonna play the only card we have left: let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse! But at least he might let the kids free.
What?! Are you kidding me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!
Bill's only weak in the mindspace. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head, we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.
What if he goes in my mind? My brain isn't good for anything.
[chuckles] There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids.
Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?
What other choice do we have?
All right, Ford, time's up! I've got the kids! I think I'm gonna kill one of them right now, just for the heck of it! EENY... MEENY... MINEY...YOU!
[wearing Ford’s clothes and imitating Ford’s voice] Wait! I surrender.
Good choice.
[wearing Stan’s clothes and imitating Stan’s voice] Don’t do it Ford! It’ll destroy the universe!
It’s the only way!
HAHAHAHA! Oh, even when you're about to die, you Pines twins just can't get along. [drops the cage and ties up Ford]
My only condition is that you let my brother and the kids go!
Fine!
No! Grunkle Ford! Don’t trust him!
It's a...DEAL! [Holds Stan's right hand, then enters the mental realm, petrifying his physical form and enters Stan’s mind]
Oh, I'm here! I'm finally here! Look at this place - a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to you, Ford. You really know how to clean your mi- [opens the door to reveal Stan sitting in a chair playing with a paddleball]
[Makes a clicking sound and points a finger-gun at Bill]
WHAT?!
Heh-heh, do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart. Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
[Outside of Stan's mind, Ford pulls out the memory gun and aims it at Stan]
What?! The deal's off! What the-?! No, no, no, NO!
Oh, yeah. You're goin' down, Bill. You're getting erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Y-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind too?!
Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much anyway.
Let me outta here! Let me OUT! Why isn't this working?!
Hey, look at me. [angrily] Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family.
You're making a mistake! I'll give you anything! Money, fame, riches, infinite power, your own galaxy! PLEASE! No...! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?! [begins rapidly warping between several forms; screams distorted words:] !NRUTER YAM I TAHT REWOP TNEICNA EHT EKOVNI I !NRUB OT EMOC SAH EMIT YM !L-T-O-L-O-X-A STANLEY!!!!!!! [Stan punches Bill in the eye, making him dissolve into nothing with a final scream]
Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gravity Falls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.