[first lines, open narration] Ahh. Summer break.
H Hank
[cooking burgers on a grill] So you want cheese on that, hon?
HW Hank’s Wife
Sure, Hank.
[voiceover] A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy, unless you’re me.
[Dipper and Mabel scream as they drive the golf cart away from a monster.]
[voiceover] My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.
[The monster throws a fallen tree in their path.]
[Dipper and Mabel scream until the screen freezes.]
[narration] Rest assured, there’s a perfectly logical explanation.
[whispering] He's looking at it, he's looking at it.
B A boy
[reading from a letter] Do you like me? Yes, definitely, absolutely?
[whispering] I rigged it.
Check out this huge smooch mark he gave me. [turns cheek to reveal a big red mark]
Heh heh, gullible. That was just an accident with the leaf blower. [in a flashback, Mabel gets her face sucked into a leaf blower whilst trying to perform "kissing practice" on a picture of Norman] Turn it off, turn it off! That was fun.
And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face.
CM Crowd member
Does it look like a rock?
No, it looks like a face.
AC Another crowd member
Is it a face?
It's a rock that looks like a face.
For the fifth time, it's not an actual face.
Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!
Oh, hey there. You know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in any danger. She's just marrying all 1,000 of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity. Isn't that right, honey?
It's Family Fun Day, genius! We're cuttin' off work and having one of those, you know, bonding-type deals.
Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?
[Flashback to Mabel, Dipper, and Grunkle Stan making fake money]
You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman. [Sirens in distance] Uh-oh.
[Back to present]
The county jail was so cold.
Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?
[Later, while Stan is driving recklessly:]
Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?
Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be. What is that, a woodpecker? [drives into the woods, crashes into a sign]
Grunkle Stan why do you want to bond with us all of a sudden?
C'mon this is gonna be great. I've never had fishin' buddies before. The guys at the lodge won't go with me. They don't "like or trust" me.
[Dipper, Mabel, and Soos encounter what they think is the Gobblewonker, but is actually just a shipwreck inhabited by beavers]
B1 Beaver 1
[subtitled] I love cavorting!
B2 Beaver 2
[subtitled] That deserves a hug! [The two beavers hug, while another beaver slides off]
But, what was that noise there? I heard a monster noise.
[Another beaver is seen playing with a chainsaw]
Sweet. Beaver with a chainsaw.
Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.
He did use the word "scrabdoodle".
[A man and woman float along the lake in their boat.]
R Reginald
Now that we're alone, Rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you.
[Stan comes alongside them in his boat.]
Hey! Wanna hear a joke? Here goes. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is gettin' better. Her aim is gettin' better. Ya see, it's funny, because marriage is terrible. [the couple row away from him] What?
Grr....Gaa! Molly-coddling!
[Stan is trying to untie a wad of fishing line, alone in his boat, and overhears a nearby family while they are fishing.]
B Boy
Can you please tell me more funny stories Pop-Pop?
PP Pop-Pop
Anything for my fishin' buddies! [laughs]
B Boy
Pop-Pop I just wealized that...I wuv you!
[During the ending credits]
[Mabel has her hand on the lower bill of a pelican using it like a puppet to tell a joke]
PM Pelican Mabel
[Deep raspy voice] Who wants to hear a joke?
PM Pelican Mabel
Heh-Ha! Yeah ya do. Here it goes. Why did the Pel-ican get kicked out of the res-taurant?
PM Pelican Mabel
Cuz he had a very BIG BILL. La-la-la-la Yuk-yuk-yuk!
Oh boo. Bad Joke. Bad Pelican Joke.
PM Pelican Mabel
Blah-Blah-Blah!
MB Mabel and Biker
Three, four, five, six.
Your wife is going to be beautiful.
Mabel, we've got a big break in the case.
B Biker
But will she love me?
But enough about me. Behold, me! [reveals wax figure of himself]
[flashback to the haunted garage sale]
S Seller
I must warn you, these statues come at a terrible price.
[looks at price tag] Twenty dollars? I'll just take 'em when you're not lookin'.
I said I was gonna rob ya.
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