[carrying a large bag on his back.] Well, well, I predicted something like this could happen, so I went to pick these up from the storeroom.
And what are these?
How should I put it... They're something like... landmines.
They're not "something like" landmines! They are landmines!
It was a bit tough to get them. Security there's a bit tight.
The path of evil slithers like a serpent.
I couldn't agree more!
Shin-chan. It's just like you said, this is a battlefield. If you're here just to fool around, then go home.
Sister... The matter is, here is my home.
Well said. The battlefield is your home.
Ergh... No, that's not what I meant...
By ignoring your many flaws, your determination gets strenghtened to defeat an unknown evil. Oh, it brings me back.
Eh? Many flaws?
[pushing her naginata against Shinpachi] Yeah. Even if you have to skewer your enemy completely.
Better yet, tear him to bits.
[against a dreamy background] Break him apart.
[against the same background] Dismember him and stomp him down.
[cuts in between them, making the background disappear] Heeey! You're getting me scared!
Maybe he's not coming today? No, not just today. Maybe never...
It's okay. He will come.
What basis do you have to affirm that?
There's some very precious panties out there just waiting to be snatched away! There's no way a panty thief would let this opportunity slide!
But that's just too obvious. The more you look into it, it still looks like a trap!
Shin-chan... When a thief gets into scrapes to get what he wants, he can be even more daring.
Why are you giving the thief a personality? What if he's a coward?
Does it matter who it is? We'll just catch someone nearby, pass him off and it's done.
If all of us tell the same story, no one will know it.
What do you mean, "someone nearby"? And "if we tell the same story"?!
Oi, oi, stop screaming. If the thief listens to you, all our effort will go down the drain.
Well, guess what, you may get lost, what with all this heat!
What the hell did you say, jackass? [grabs Shinpachi violently] You want me to help with your contact lenses?
[gets pushed back by the ruckus, then starts hitting Shinpachi on the head with the butt of her naginata] Stop this, you two!
I'm supposed to be the guy wearing glasses in this anime!!!
You think they need help?
I can guess how this fight will end. They'll just continue until someone can go no further.
My fist is getting furious, too!!! Someone better feed it blood!!!
[the fight soon involves them as well.]
C'mon, stop it, stop it. We shouldn't be fighting. [sighs] I'm sure everyone's stressed due to the heat. Let's take a rest then--
[off-screen] Shut up, loser!
[off-screen] Shut up, deadbeat!
[off-screen] Shut up, Hanarari-kun!
[off-screen] Shut up, Miso bun!
[off-screen] Shut up, gorilla.
[crying like a girl] I'm sure it's the heat! It's all because of he heat! [normally] Well, I'll go buy some refreshments. I'm sure that'll calm you down.
[still fighting] I want an azuki ice cream!
[still fighting] To me, something like coffee ice cream!
[still fighting] Bargain Dash (spoof of Häagen-Dazs) for me!
[still fighting, but calmly] Some jungle flavor will do.
[still fighting] A dish of veal with a pound of mayonnaise over it!
[still fighting] Uh... tea!
Okay, I'll go get your orders. Be nice!
Damn, can't get nothing done without them...
[steps on a mine. The explosion breaks up the fight.]
[looking at Kondo, who is laying in a crater] Look, Kondo-san's been blown up.
Seems so.
I wonder if it was the heat.
No way. He must've stepped on a landmine. What a dumbass, couldn't he remember where he buried them? [everyone starts laughing]
Huh? Wait a second. [staring at the empty yard] Does anyone here remember where they are buried?
That's a problem. The paperboy will be blown up tomorrow.
Now you say that!?
While the light shines, the darkness stays in ambush! And there shall be a hairless man! Guided by the light of panties, the knight of romanticism shows his true power! [posing] The phantom thief, a man covered only by a loincloth, has arrived!
It seems that you were waiting for me, but your traps are useless!
This is the worst!!! He came at the worst possible time!!!
You honestly thought you could fool me with such a kiddies play? You are underestimating the heroic thief, the loincloth-masked man! But since I am already here, I will be your opponent! Stay with your arms crossed while I pick up the panties for which I have been called a pervert; a stalker; a virgin!
[emerging from wooden debris after catching the bait-panties] How naïve. Something like this [he has been blown up by a landmine] cannot defeat me. The perverts, stalkers and virgins all over the world await. Their voices give me strength. Can you hear them? The voices...
[the scene shifts, in succession, to a craftsman surrounded by garage kits of pretty girls, men at an idol meeting, others at a cosplay café, and a crowd at an idol concert]
Please, loincloth-masked man, give us hope! Fresh nylon, soft silk, stuffy cotton! Anything! Even if we can only get one pair of panties, we'll be able to press on for tomorrow! We will face the future with our heads held up high!
Their laments... Can you bastards even hear them?! I cannot be beaten here! The name of the loincloth-masked man is endangered! I must return to them!
[Gintoki had tried to attack the thief, but stepped on a landmine.]
Noooo! [the thief kicks him away.]
[laughing] He who laughs last, laughs best!
[Otae jumps out from the bushes and charges at the thief with her naginata.]
Don't you... [stomps on Gintoki's head to jump up high.]
What?!
...MAKE LIGHT OF WOMEN!!! [descends, attacking the thief, who releases the panties and kneels in defeat. Otae catches the panties as they come down.] Someone who is afraid to show his face has no right to possess my panties. If you really want them, you should knock on the front door and ask straight to me. And take it seriously, too.
[the thief raises his hands towards the sky, where the Big Dipper can be seen, in a reference to Raoh's death scene in Fist of the North Star.]
This is the first time... I let the panties slip. [falls over]
Actually, Hijikata-san... It was me who sent you those panties.
Say what??
It was just a prank, silly. [starts running away.]
[giving chase] I don't give a fuck, you twat!!! Hold on! Stop running!
[one of them steps on a landmine, setting off a chain reaction that blows up every other mine around the Shimura house, engulfing it in a fireball.]
Here is a wonderful gift to you unpopular men watching this anime right now! Send your letters with name, address, age and the reason why you are not popular with ladies, to this address, and wait for my ans-- [Otae punches him away.]
They don't want that!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gin Tama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
