[before the episode proper]
CClass
...Ginpachi-sensei!
Um, this one's from someone called Kutabare ["go die"] Oonishi. 'It looks like Gin-san is always wearing the same kimono. Does he only have one set of clothes?' Okay, here's your answer. The truth is, he's got four of the same kind of kimono. When one's in the laundry, he wears another. Huh? You want to know why he has four of the same kind? Well look, it gets too boring if the protagonist keeps changing clothes. People like Lupin are always wearing the same coat, right? Anyway, in an anime, it's too tiring to keep changing clothes, so that would be a problem. Now you, Oonishi, go stand in the hall!
I see you're sweating a lot. Did you lose again?
Uh... No! It's just that it's hot today, huh? But I see you too are sweating... Maybe it's you who's lost.
[hyped, points towards the sun] It's hot!!! It's way too hot today! Hey, sun! Give me a damn break, dumbass!
[the Yorozuya crew and Hasegawa are in front of the Kabuki Station]
Okay then guys, let's do our best!
KSKagura and Shinpachi
Yaaay!
[rousing] We're not going just to have fun! We're going to fight! Even if the waves crash upon us, we've got to win! What's up with you? You wanna go for a picnic? We need at least 300 yen to have a snack, and right now we don't have 300 yen! You hear me?
Captain! We can buy 400 corn cobs with that!
Eh? Really? Can you really eat that much?
Kagura-chan, stop screwing up math!
Shin-chan, can you not let Gin-san's expression bother me?
Shut up! I didn't come here to be mocked! What are you doing here, by the way?
Aren't we going to the beach?
Don't make me say it again, you dummy. We're on duty here!
[still in the same tone] Aren't we going to the beach?
[disheartened] I just told you...
What, so we're not going by car? Gin-chan?
And where would we get money for that?
Aw, but I've been up all night making this tape! [produces a cassette tape on whose label is written "My Best"]
Just how old are you? You're not a thirty-year-old remembering your first date!
Geez, after you [Otae] looked so high and mighty as if you had a great idea, all you could think about was hitch a ride?
I know! I'll make the cars stop with a sexy wink!
All right! I'll use my beautiful thighs to make them stop! [pulls up his pants]
You'd better can it, Hasegawa-san. Even if any car stopped, it wouldn't stop to see that.
I guess we have no choice. [looks at the street and sees a car approaching in the distance] First of all, put your hands behind your heads.
[Shinpachi, Gintoki, Hasegawa and Sadaharu do as she says. The car keeps running]
Now shrink your bellies.
[They do so. The car continues approaching]
Lean forward to emphasize your chest, as if you were in front of a mirror.
[They do so. The car comes closer. Otae's eyes suddenly shine with a murderous spark]
Now get to work, idiots!!! [spins and kicks Shinpachi in the butt, making him fly towards the street and in the car's path. Shinpachi is hit and flies away. She then kicks Gintoki in the car's path with the same results. She proceeds to kick Hasegawa in the car's path, and he too is hit. She then kicks Sadaharu, but his body cushions the car to a halt. Otae then calmly enters the car, whose driver is shocked.]
All right.
Using force is a good way to hitch a ride!
[after everyone causes a ruckus which makes the car on which they were riding crash]
Dammit, what an useless car.
Damn right. To think it couldn't even play a cassette! Useless! Useless!
I don't think that was the problem.
[Shinpachi tries to drink water from a barrel hanging on Sadaharu's leash, but the cork is closed with barbed wire]
Oh! I heard that non-boiled water is poison for the body.
[Shinpachi tries to claw at the cork, then despairs and stays kneeling on the ground in defeat, under a monochromatic spotlight]
Are you pretending to be a defeated boxer? 'Cause if you are, it's not funny when you do it here. Different from saying that you're feeling hot when it's hot, it's pointless to do that, you know?
[to the beach vendor who offered the reward on the sea monster] So you said that jokingly, while you were drunk? Look, old man, this is about my living. I'm very serious when it comes to that. A man should be responsible, even when joking. A man should keep his promises.
BVBeach vendor
Wait! Calm down! I'll pay! I've got the money here!
[Kagura picks up some yakisoba from the grill and eats them]
Don't lie. If you can't fry your yakisoba properly, then you might not have enough money to pay us. Your life must be pretty messed up, uh? Say it with me: "messed up"! [eats another handful of yakisoba] Yeah, messed up!
BVBeach vendor
Hey! Who told you to eat my merchandise?
In a deserted beach, with a monster and three "beach samurai" on it... [sits up] If we can't protect the sea, then who can? When you're feeling down, how do you do to feel better? You can say there's two kinds of things men do to feel better: [takes a smoke from his cigarette. Gintoki and Shinpachi stare, uninterested] One is looking at someone who's feeling worse to make sure he's alright. The other is looking at something much bigger to see his problems are meaningless. I belong to the second kind. [flashback] Whenever I find myself in hard times, I look at the sea to remember how meaningless I am. [another flashback, Hasegawa is pissing from a cliff over the sea as a woman looks on in embarrassment] It was also looking at the sea that I met my wife, Hatsu. Do you understand? The sea is both book and teacher to me. Everybody has a place closer to their hearts. Even if I keep changing jobs, my heart will stay here. Work is just a little something that helps me live through the days. But it's got nothing to do with money. That's what I was born for. Can you guys understand this feeling?
[no response. He turns around and sees everyone else is ignoring him.]
Yes, I talked to the city officers, and they said they will reward us if we can get rid of the alien.
Hey, are you listening to--
Well then, let's just do that.
Hey miss, you understand my feelings, don't you?
[unwrapping her obento] Yes, I do.
Ah. Thanks, mis-- [Otae offers him the obento, containing unrecognizable piles of ashes]
If you feel like, pick one for yourself. I made these fried eggs this morning.
I'm sure you can't do anything on an empty stomach.
[Hasegawa picks one up and eats it. He turns blue from the taste]
Don't you want to get the other one?
Eh... Uh... No thanks, I'm full.
