Hetty Woodstone quotes from Ghosts

Sasappis

What do we think Carol has in that big purse of hers?

Hetty

If there's a God, cocaine.

Sasappis

Do people keep pizza in their purses?

We'll find out when we look for the cocaine.

Hetty

He's older than my father was when he died of old age.

Thorfinn

Very simple way to die.

Jay

Sam's dad's coming to visit today.

Hetty

That's adorable! He thinks there are things going on in this house that we don't know about.

Mark

A penguin leash? Hey Jay, is this made for penguins or out of penguins?

Hetty

Both. Now put that down!

Hetty

It says "For Ages 5 & Up".

Isaac

Yes. 5 & Up.

Hetty

Huzzah!

Isaac

Huzzah!

Flower

Is that a bird?

Hetty

It's a plane!

Isaac

No. It's a stripper!

Can I offer you some coffee?

Hetty

No, thank you. It...it goes right through me.

Sasappis

What if it's because it's St. Patrick's Day, and you're Irish?

Hetty

Interesting. But then why has this never happened before?

Alberta

Maybe because you never saw the Irish as people before? But now that you do, you can also be seen?

Alberta

Thor, you jumped behind me when that guy pulled out a ghost gun?

Hetty

It was really quite pitiful.

Trevor

Do you think I'm a selfish, capitalist pig?

Hetty

Of course. It's one of your only redeeming qualities. Why do you ask?

Trevor

Because Flower said I should be more charitable.

Hetty

The poor are always suggesting that the rich be more charitable, when the truth is, if they simply invested their money rather than wasting it on frivolities like bread and kindling, they wouldn't need a handout.

Flower

Capitalism isn't fair, Trevor. And now you know that.

Hetty

This is why you don't give money to the poor.

Samantha

Oh, my.

Hetty

Yes, embrace the opulence.