What's going on?
Uh, you know how, uh, sometimes strangers come by and we find out they're related to your dad? Uh...uh, this is one of those nights. Go.
[as he goes upstairs] Carmen, they found another one!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[When everyone rushes out of the house]
You big babies. It was just an aftershock. [several plates almost fall on her] What the hell? [another plate falls next to her]
What's with the plates? Come on, God, quit teasing me! Tip over the fridge! Take her out!
[After Benny takes out a wad of cash from a book]
Benny, how much money is this?
$5,000, but you better not tell anyone what's in this book because I could kill you with what's in that book.
Angie, when we first got married, I thought to myself that I don't deserve you. Now, after eighteen amazing years, I know that I don't. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, Angie and I love you. And if you would just stop trying to go golfing with me and realize that it's my time away from you, we would have the perfect marriage.
[When George and Angie learn that Jason's parents abandoned him]
Well, what kind of parents just leave their kid and then go off to live in another country? That can't be legal.
No, it's not. It's called abandonment. At least that's what the cops said they dragged my mom back from Tijuana and made her untie me from the lemon tree.
Where's Carmen?
At the library.
Oh yeah? How do you know she didn't sneak over to Jason's house?
Because she sent me a picture of her from the library on her cell phone. (hands cell phone to George)
Man, I wish they had these when I was a kid. Mom I woulda sent a picture to Social Services of you hitting me.
Come on, if you couldn't hold on to your sippy cup when I smacked you, what makes you think you could've held onto a phone?
(phone rings, Angie answers it)
Hello?.....Carmen, slow down, what happened? Okay, we're on our way. (hangs up phone)
What is it?
Carmen and Jason just got arrested.
What?! I thought you said she was at the library!
She lied to us. There was a party at Jason's house and somebody brought drugs.
Lemme see the camera phone.
(Angie hands over the phone, George takes a picture of Benny)
Hey, what's that for?
I'm gonna show her what a hard life of partying does, show me your ankles.
Get out, get out. (angrily chases them out of the house)
Drugs, Carmen?!
Dad, I can explain. I didn't do any drugs.
Let me guess, you were at the party and the drugs just happened to show up.
Yes!
Is that you talking or the monkey on your back? How many colors do you see, huh junkie?
George, stop it. STOP IT. (pulls Carmen aside) Carmen, what really happened?
Well, some guys from another school came and crashed the party, and started smoking pot and then the cops came and nobody would admit the drugs were theirs so they brought us all in for questioning.
Oh, honey, why didn't you just say so? Now I believe you.
(flashes a flashlight in her face)
Hurts, doesn't it, junkie?!
George!
Angie, her pupils are huge!
They're dark brown, that's the way they always look.
Really? They're not green?
What's gonna happen to Jason?
OOfficer
Well if there's nobody to release him to, he'll probably end up in a group home.
(turns to George, worried) Dad, a group home!
Oh c'mon Carmen, that sounds like fun! Bunk beds, sing-a-longs. [sings] Drive-bys are bad! Come on, making a quilt with the names of your fallen homies. "Gimme a sequin so I can put a teardrop on Spider."
(to the police officer) Excuse me, when is Jason McNamara gonna be released?
OOfficer
He's not. He's a minor and his parents are out of the country. We have no one to release him to.
Jason can't spend the night in jail!
I spent the night in jail once and nothing happened to me.
It's not the same, Dad, Jason's pretty!
Things are pretty good right now.
KKenzie
No, they're not. You're Mexican. You're in pain. Your people have been raped and pillaged by the conquistadores. I am so jealous.
What are you talking about? She was born in Burbank. She's got her own car and a closet full of clothes. You want to see a Mexican suffering, come back when I have to pay her cell phone bill.
KKenzie
[to Carmen] You're just going to wait on them like that? You know they're only asking you because you're a girl. That's so sexist.
You know what's funny, Kenzie? I ask Carmen something and sound comes out of your mouth.
KKenzie
It is so sad. So much head and so little in it. I can hear it rattle.
I never pushed Carmen.
George, you can't win. If you push kids and they fail, then it's your fault. And if you push kids and they succeed... actually, I don't know what that's like.
Look, Angie is the most important thing in my life and I'm not going to let some rich, good-looking dude make a move on her. God, I drove her to this. You know, last night, she was wearing the avocado mask and rollers. She had a little leg stubble. I should've just pictured Salma Hayek and went for it.
[to Angie about Spencer Vogel] I paid him $10,000 to break it off with you and never see you again.
You paid him to get out of my life? How dare you!
Yeah, how dare you! Hey, man, you hated my guts and you never offered me a dime.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.