A character in Fresh Meat
Played by Charlotte Ritchie
Fresh Meat · 30 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Fresh Meat: in 9 of its 30 quotes
Most scenes with: JP (4), Josie (2), Vod (2)
OregonMaybe I'm all intersex, and I've got a penis somewhere I don't know about. Just the kind of crazy shit that would happen to me, having a penis I didn't even know about. Woke up a few times on my year off having had a penis I didn't know about.
[Paul Lamb throws a weight out of his window; it hits Oregon's car bonnet]
OregonMy car! [catches herself] Cool. 'Cause it's my dad's. The dick.
I can't believe none of you have a car. Nothing. Not even a Fiat Panda. [handing his bags to Howard] Take these.
I notice that you don't have a car.
Uh, wrong, actually. I've got a BMW X1. I just can't drive it at the moment, because I've got points on my licence. Because apparently I was speeding. Apparently I was drunk.
Students who drive cars are dicks.
Oregon[nervously] Er, yeah! Why?
'Cause they're not students. You got a car and a sat nav. You're a ponce whose dad works in the city and sells nerve gas to fuckheads.
OregonArgh! My shoelaces keep coming undone!
My shoes are not to your liking? I'm so sorry I forced you to buy them.
OregonCould you take my bag?
[Vod takes the bag and tucks under her arm, squeezing it a little. As she does so, there is the unmistakeable "beep-beep" of a car alarm being armed. Startled, she squeezes it again, switching off the alarm. Oregon nervously looks up towards a car whose lights are flashing]
OregonOh, that must've been my car keys. Oh, yeah! I've got a car!
[uncomfortably, as she remembers her earlier comment] Oh. Right.
OregonOh, my God, I totally forgot I had a car! How cool is that? I feel like I've just won a car!
[Oregon walks up to the car and hugs it. Josie and Vod share looks of concern]
Well, um, there's nothing unusual about popping your cherry with a family friend. I actually dislodged my V-plates on my birthday, when my Uncle Paulo took me to Southampton.
Yeah, I don't think we should play this game any more.
Right, there's nothing bad about it!
OregonI don't think I want to hear this.
He bought me a hooker for my eighteenth!
[Everyone else groans.]
What? She wasn't a munter, she was dockside fine!
OregonI've thought of some names [for our new band].
Oh. Uh, yeah, great.
OregonOK. Trash Baby.
Too American.
OregonLeitmotif.
Too pretentious.
OregonThe Time Bandits.
That makes us sound like dwarves.
OregonMulberry Wine.
That makes us sound like fellwalkers.
OregonCorporate Cannibal.
Just rubbish.
OregonHigh Jinx? Jinx with an x.
Again: rubbish.
OregonFiddler's Shilling.
Too medieval.
OregonKingsley and Oregon.
Derivative.
OregonThe Black Ponies.
No Thes.
OregonBlack Ponies.
No colours.
OregonPonies.
And no animals.
OregonSure, I don't think this is going to work out.
Oh, come on, don't be so precious.
You are not allowed to have sex with Tomothy.
OregonWhy not?
Because of a little something called the institution of marriage, and a little organisation called the Church of fucking England.
OregonWhat about Rosa? Do we still need her signature?
Now that she's been transferred to the comms department, no. You can authorise your own policies.
OregonOh, my god! At last! I am the law. I can do whatever the fuck I want, and no-one can stop me? That must be why Kim Jong Un has that haircut.
Oh, everything's fine for you: you've got a job. Look at you: strutting around with your tea towel and your corkscrew like Deborah fucking Meaden.
…
OregonFor the record, JP, I'm in a slightly different Venn, given that I'm union president—and I'm launching an amazing new poetry prize that's going to inspire and energise all of us. I mean, I'm not rubbing it in or anything, but my C.V. is basically bomb-proof.
Whereas mine'll look like a poster for a lost dog.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fresh Meat pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
