A character in Fresh Meat
Played by Greg McHugh
Fresh Meat · 30 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Fresh Meat: in 5 of its 30 quotes
Most scenes with: JP (2), Josie (2)
HowardI just haven't spoken to another human being in some time. Wind-drying Peking ducks.
Right.
HowardSorry, I've just got used to wearing trousers of the mind.
Well, maybe you should tuck your cock away while I make us a nice cup of tea.
So, there must be some sort of uni health club or something. I mean, you work out, right?
No. Pretty unfit.
Not from where I'm standing. [winks]
HowardI can't do exercise, 'cause I've got severe athlete's foot.
[the girls look disgusted; JP cringes]
HowardI think of it as the very definition of irony.
Would you excuse us, ladies?
[to Howard] What are you doing!? They don't want to hear about your fucking foot!
HowardI'm just being myself.
Why the fuck would you want to do that!? That is literally the most stupid thing I have ever heard! I'm here to teach you how to be a real person!
"The cherimoya is a fruit that originates from which country?"
HowardPeru.
[to Ralph] Dunno mate. So, I was thinking maybe of going to see Ross's DJ set. You up for it?
China, India, Malaysia, or Peru.
HowardPeru!
Was, mate. Meant to be a large one. Only last dude setting us up with upperclass As has got meningitis. Don't get me wrong, it's a tragedy, but dude, keep it real!
Well, I mean, if you need any shit, I could always pick it up for you?
For reals?
Yeah, totes, bruv. Whatever you want.
Fuck it. I'm gonna say "Peru".
Correct answer!
Yeah, baby, I'm a ge-ni-us! Well, if you're serious…
[Ralph produces a list for JP.]
We want the lot. Everything on there. "The ring ouzel is a type of what bird?"
Howard[after a pause] Duck.
Yep. Cool! No probers.
That would be a duck!
Incorrect answer!
What the fuck!?
[Howard smiles maliciously.]
That's the secret to good boozing: a sweet spot, the magic mark where your worries have gone, but your faculties haven't. And boom! You're one chipper chappy.
HowardRight. And how much would that normally require?
In my experience, it's almost always £25, no matter what you buy.
Also, I need a new nickname.
Howard"The Idiot"?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fresh Meat pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
