Fresh Meat · Season 1, Episode 2
Hey, Kingsley! I'm just cooking my speciality dish: vegetable munge.
Sounds… disappointing.
No offence, but I won't be eating any of that shit, because it looks heinous.
[Josie rolls her eyes and continues cooking.]
So, this is very generous of you. What a very generous person you are. Do you want me to lay the table? Or do you wanna do all the laying?
I can't believe none of you have a car. Nothing. Not even a Fiat Panda. [handing his bags to Howard] Take these.
I notice that you don't have a car.
Uh, wrong, actually. I've got a BMW X1. I just can't drive it at the moment, because I've got points on my licence. Because apparently I was speeding. Apparently I was drunk.
Students who drive cars are dicks.
[nervously] Er, yeah! Why?
'Cause they're not students. You got a car and a sat nav. You're a ponce whose dad works in the city and sells nerve gas to fuckheads.
Argh! My shoelaces keep coming undone!
My shoes are not to your liking? I'm so sorry I forced you to buy them.
Could you take my bag?
[Vod takes the bag and tucks under her arm, squeezing it a little. As she does so, there is the unmistakeable "beep-beep" of a car alarm being armed. Startled, she squeezes it again, switching off the alarm. Oregon nervously looks up towards a car whose lights are flashing]
Oh, that must've been my car keys. Oh, yeah! I've got a car!
[uncomfortably, as she remembers her earlier comment] Oh. Right.
Oh, my God, I totally forgot I had a car! How cool is that? I feel like I've just won a car!
[Oregon walks up to the car and hugs it. Josie and Vod share looks of concern]
Maybe I'm all intersex, and I've got a penis somewhere I don't know about. Just the kind of crazy shit that would happen to me, having a penis I didn't even know about. Woke up a few times on my year off having had a penis I didn't know about.
[Paul Lamb throws a weight out of his window; it hits Oregon's car bonnet]
My car! [catches herself] Cool. 'Cause it's my dad's. The dick.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fresh Meat pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
