JP and Oregon in “Episode 2”

Oh, everything's fine for you: you've got a job. Look at you: strutting around with your tea towel and your corkscrew like Deborah fucking Meaden.

For the record, JP, I'm in a slightly different Venn, given that I'm union president—and I'm launching an amazing new poetry prize that's going to inspire and energise all of us. I mean, I'm not rubbing it in or anything, but my C.V. is basically bomb-proof.

Whereas mine'll look like a poster for a lost dog.