Neal quotes from Freaks and Geeks

Neal

[to Sam] The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen "Star Wars" 27 times. You do the math.

Neal

He's a gym teacher. There's no upward mobility.

Neal

Everyone looks cool in turtle necks. That's the point! We can't both wear them; we'll look like the Smothers Brothers!

Sam

What's non-alcoholic beer?

Bill

It's beer but without that ingredient that makes you drunk.

Neal

Alcohol?

Bill

Yeah.

Sam

Keg of beer, please.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Neal

Oh, we need a keg of non-alcoholic beer.

No!

Sam

But we need it.

What for?

Neal

We're gonna switch the kegs at his sister's party.

Righteous!

Sam

Keg of beer, please.

Don't see that happening.

Neal

Oh, no, we'd like non-alcoholic beer.

Oh, really? No!

Sam

Please? We really need it!

What for?

Neal

We're gonna switch the kegs at his sister's party.

Righteous!

Sam

What am I supposed to do with a porno?

Neal

You watch it. Over and over.

Sam

Ew, only perverts watch pornos, right?

Neal

Well, then every guy in America is a pervert.

Neal

What is wrong with them? Why do they think that hitting people with towels is so funny?

Bill

If it wasn't us, it would be kind of funny.

Sam

Will girls ever like us?

Neal

I think our best play is to go for the smart, sexy librarian type.

Bill

Stop looking up my shorts.

Neal

Why would we? There's nothing to see.

Sam

Just keep climbing, Wonder Woman.

Bill

There is something to see.

Neal

My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.

Bill

But you're not funny.

Neal

Screw you. I'm hilarious!

Sam

So this is what having a girlfriend is gonna be like? She is your best friend, she is beautiful, you can say and do anything in front of her.

Neal

Well, my dad always says that's what something what women want you to think before you marry them. That's how they suck you in.

Sam

Cindy is not abnormal.

Bill

Yeah? She cut the cheese.

Neal

Oh my God.

Sam

That's not funny.

Bill

I heard it, man, I swear. She blamed it on the chair. But she cut the cheese.

Sam

Well, some chairs make weird noises. What kind of a chair was it?

Bill

I don't know. Vinyl?

Sam

Vinyl chairs always squeak.

Bill

It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut.

Neal

Being the school mascot has always been my dream.

Bill

Yeah. Since lunch.

Sam

Think we could be arrested for making prank calls?

Neal

Yeah, and we'll get sent to telephone prison.