Harold Weir quotes from Freaks and Geeks

Harold

Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.

Harold

She's hanging with a bad crowd. She's lying and cheating and next thing you know, she's Patty Hearst with a gun to our heads.

Harold

You can hardly stand to be around us. When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you and we cleaned your butts when you pooped and we loved it. Now, we try to pat you on the head and you run for the hills. Well, I'm fed up. We are going to be close from now on whether you like it or not. We're going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damn it!

Harold

[to Lindsay, about going to the concert] Alright, fine. Just keep those boys away from your accordion.

Harold

Everyone's a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses!

Harold

I had a friend who used to smoke. Know what he's doing now? He's dead. You think smoking looks cool, let's go dig him up and see how cool he looks now.

Harold

You know, there was a girl in our school... and she had premarital sex. Know what she did on her graduation day? Died! Of a heroin overdose!

Sam

Dad? Are any of your friends alive?

Harold

The smart ones.

Harold

I guess you'd prefer we listen to that punk rock music I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience! Yep, that's what I wanna do. Spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment...Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.

Sam

No. But he died on the toilet.

Harold

Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.

Nobody's home. You wanna have a little sex?

Harold

Sex?! Well, okay.

Harold

OK, I'll tell you what Lindsay. I'll listen to this album and you can go to the concert if I don't find anything objectionable.

Lindsay

Thanks Dad. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Harold

Oh don't be so sure of yourself; I'll be listening to it backwards too!

Harold

By the way, that drummer you're listening to...

Nick

Yeah?

Harold

He's terrible!

Nick

What? That's Neil Peart, he's the greatest drummer alive!

Harold

Well, Neil Peart couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag.

Harold

You know what the difference is between you and Nick? You're my daughter. Every second you're out of this house... every second that I can't see you... or know what you're doing... it's... it's absolute torture for me.

Lindsay

Dad... I can't stay inside all the time...

Harold

I know...... Why not?

Harold

You're not lying, are you, Sam?

Sam

No.

Harold

'Cause you know what happens to liars in this world, don't you?

Sam

They end up getting killed in jail.

Harold

Right.