Daphne Moon quotes from Frasier

Daphne

I was just about to step right out of this dress and embarrass poor Dr. Crane to death.

Niles

Well, we all have to die of something.

Daphne

No, I’m a resident alien here from England. You know, the country that used to own you people!

Martin

You’ll go right to the head of the line now(!)

Frasier

Daphne, get this canine sprinkler out of here!

Daphne

Now, don't be too cross with him, Dr. Crane. As my Mum used to say: “There’ll be no dogs in Hell.”

Frasier

I sincerely doubt that!

Frasier

You know, it's funny; as much as I care for this woman, there's something about this relationship that leaves me vaguely unsettled.

Niles

I might venture a theory at which you're sure to hoot. What may be making you uncomfortable is that for the first time you find yourself in the more…submissive rôle.

Frasier

What on God's earth are you talking about?

Daphne

I think what he means is: you're the girl!

Frasier

I would think by now that you'd know my policy on fix-ups.

Daphne

She's pretty, she's lonely and she's an underwear model.

Frasier

So you do know my policy. Off we go!

Daphne

He mumbled something about it being worse than the Dresden première of Schumann's Second Symphony.

Niles

(panics) And you left him alone?!

Frasier

Tonight, I'll be coming back home and spending the evening with Daphne, doing some light housework and listening to my new book on tape: “Depression, Anxiety and Death” as read by the author himself, Stanislav Monk.

Daphne

Now who's cursed?!

Martin

Well, she was flirting right back. I saw her giving me the once-over.

Daphne

Yeah, she looked once and it was over.

Daphne

Unlike you, he believes in my visions. He knows I have a gift. (exit)

Frasier

Yes, and he's been trying to unwrap it for six years!

Niles

[excited] I think I know who this person is.

Daphne

You do?

Niles

Yes.

Daphne

Well, I don't see how you could. I couldn't tell myself. He was standing in the shadows and I couldn't see his face. All I could make out was that he was wearing a red bow tie.

Niles

I don't have a... [realizes] clue why anyone would wear such a thing to a wedding.

Daphne

I'm going to let my attorney handle this one.

I'm sorry, Frasier, you know. I guess after a little champagne we got into the mood, and into the nude, and into the tub. And don't worry; we'll replace the candle.

Frasier

If only you could replace the image.

Frasier

Daphne, tell me: do you think we're snobby, superior and condescending?

Daphne

That's it! I'm getting me door soundproofed!

Daphne

I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my makeup for the wedding.

Frasier

I can just hear the whispers now. "Did you see the bride? Very lifelike."

Daphne

Beautiful job carving that turkey, Dr. Crane.

Niles

Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma.

Daphne

When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me", he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?

Frasier

(half-asleep) Oh, that…he meant Niles.

Daphne

[shocked] What?!

Frasier

Niles…he's crazy about you.