A character in Frasier
Played by David Hyde Pierce
Frasier · 546 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Frasier: in 235 of its 546 quotes
Most scenes with: Frasier Crane (131), Martin Crane (35), Daphne Moon (25)
(on the phone) Niles! Where are you calling from?
Niles(triumphantly) From behind the wheel of the Road Warrior! And doing a damn fine job of driving, I might add.
But I'm in the Road Warrior! You got in the wrong car, you idiot! You've stolen a Winnebago!
Niles questions whether Frasier needs as many musicians as he has
NilesWhatever happened to the concept of "less is more"?
Ah, but if less is more, then just think of how much more "more" will be!
Martin has suggested that Frasier refuses to restrain Mary because she is black; Frasier denies it
NilesOh, come now, Frasier. You can't deny a certain measure of guilt, living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world.
Niles, owning the CD of "Ella sings Gershwin" does not qualify you as a soul brother!
[Niles is asking where Martin is.]
He's with Donny. They went to a tractor pull.
Niles(as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her a questioning look)
As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor, and see how far they can pull it through the mud.
Niles(as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her another questioning look)
The answer to your next question is, "beats the hell out of me!"
Lilith was insufferable, but she's got a new boyfriend. Some twenty-eight year-old named Marcel. He's a contortionist with the Cirque du Soleil.
NilesShe's dating French circus folk?
Yes, well, he's actually perfect for Lilith. He has no apparent spine and she can wrap him around her finger.
Oh, come on in, Niles. Bebe's just bringing me up to speed on her depressing news about my contract negotiations.
Don't worry, dear. I just need to find a way to throw a scare into them.
NilesHave you tried turning into a bat?
I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.
Niles is showing Frasier and Roz a rotund woman eating bear claws outside Café Nervosa
Big deal. So she's overweight; you don't need to point it out! It's rude.
It's childish.
NilesIt's Maris!
Roz is not keen on Frasier's suggestion that he accompany her to Daphne's wedding
Frasier, I can't go with you. I mean, going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
Niles and I did not go to the prom together! *pause* Our dates got sick, and we went stag!
NilesIn retrospect- yes, we should've canceled the carriage, but hindsight is 20/20!
The final words of the episode, as Daphne and Niles prepare to leave the wedding together in the Winnebago
NilesFasten your seat belt, Daphne.
Fasten yours, Niles!
Niles explains to Frasier and Martin about Mel's condition that he play the doting husband in public
NilesWell, since we eloped, some of Mel's colleagues decided to throw a little last-minute get-together to toast our nuptials.
Well, after Donny gets through with Frasier, you won't be the only one havin' your nuptials toasted.
When a photographer approaches the "happy couple" at the reception, Niles becomes more nervous than ever
How about a kiss?
NilesAll right! I hardly know you, but…
Frasier gives Roz his little "guilt offering". Each is unaware that the other has been spending time with Luke
Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship.
No, I do not deserve your friendship.
NilesI deserve my own table. Excuse me. (exit)
Niles has overheard Roz and Frasier surreptitiously phoning Luke to arrange or cancel plans for the evening. He is now leaving
Oh, Niles. Listen: as it turns out I am available for that concert…
NilesNo, you're not.
Now that Ballantine has been discontinued, Martin is not looking forward to Christmas
Christmas is about more than beer, Mr Crane.
NilesYeah, and this year's extra special 'cos Daphne and I are together.
Well, that's true. No more Mel, no Maris, no Lilith...Maybe I won't need beer this Christmas.
It is nearly time for Frasier's award presentation, and he has still not arrived
NilesHe'll be here in a minute. Just go up there and stall.
Stall? (beat) Stall?!
NilesYes, like that.
Frasier CraneKelsey Grammer · 372 quotes
Martin CraneJohn Mahoney · 109 quotes
Daphne MoonJane Leeves · 77 quotes
Roz DoylePeri Gilpin · 75 quotes
Lilith SterninBebe Neuwirth · 12 quotes
BulldogDan Butler · 8 quotes
BebeHarriet Sansom Harris · 5 quotes
GilEdward Hibbert · 4 quotes
HarryBrian Cox · 4 quotes
KirbyBrian Klugman · 4 quotes
CharlotteLaura Linney · 3 quotes
CChelsea3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
