Frasier Crane quotes from Frasier

Daphne

Unlike you, he believes in my visions. He knows I have a gift. (exit)

Frasier

Yes, and he's been trying to unwrap it for six years!

Daphne

I'm going to let my attorney handle this one.

I'm sorry, Frasier, you know. I guess after a little champagne we got into the mood, and into the nude, and into the tub. And don't worry; we'll replace the candle.

Frasier

If only you could replace the image.

Niles

She's so free, so spontaneous. She has breathed new life into me.

Frasier

You may have to return the favor.

Frasier

Frankly, I wish you'd start seeing someone about this bug phobia of yours.

Niles

It is not a phobia! I have a healthy fear of our natural predators. It's us versus them, and frankly, I'm starting to wonder just whose side you're on!

Niles

Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway?

Frasier

I told you, Niles: I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down.

Martin

D'you think you could get me a tape of the show?

Frasier

What on Earth for?

Martin

How often d'you get to hear your son on the radio?

Frasier

(glares at him) I'm on the radio EVERY DAY!

Frasier

Daphne, tell me: do you think we're snobby, superior and condescending?

Daphne

That's it! I'm getting me door soundproofed!

Roz

I see Poppy's having a little party.

Frasier

That is not a party; that's a hostage situation.

Niles

You conniving copy-cat! You have to have whatever I have.

Frasier

I do not have what you have; my audience is twice as large as yours is!

Niles

Oh well, at least my audience can read!

Frasier

How dare you review my audience!

Daphne

I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my makeup for the wedding.

Frasier

I can just hear the whispers now. "Did you see the bride? Very lifelike."

Frasier

We've got to plan for it. We must all be prepared when the cold hand of death comes knocking on our door.

Frasier

Would you get that?

Niles

I most certainly will not.

I'm sorry, I have some issues with my father.

Martin

Excuse me again.

Frasier

I have no idea what that would be like!

Roz

Come on, it's for a good cause. They provide disaster relief.

Hi, partners!

Frasier

How soon can they get here?

Niles

Are you alright?

Frasier

Yes. Thank Heaven your fist softened the blow of the airbag!

Frasier

Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles: nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate soufflé.

Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do!