Bret[Phone rings] Hello. Bret speaking.
Bret, it's Jemaine speaking.
Bret
Oh, hey, man. Where are you? Did you run away?
No, I went home with a girl.
Bret
What?
Bret... I think she might be Australian.
Bret
Are you sure she's Australian?
Either she's Australian, or sh-she really likes Australia.
Bret
Ugh! You gotta get outta there! Just get outta there!
I-I'm locked in, she's trapped me.
Bret
I'm not surprised... Okay, erm... Keep calm, jump out of the window.
Good idea... Oh, it's too high!
Bret
Okay, well do one of those dive rolls... When you land.
AGAussie girl
[strong Aussie accent] G'day.
AGAussie girl
Jesus... Got a tongue like a badger's arsehole. What'cha doing there, big J?
Just talking to a friend of mine.
Bret
[over the phone] Don't talk to her! She's definitely Australian...
I'm not sure I got your name.
AGAussie girl
It's Keitha.
Yeah, it's like Keith. But with an 'a' at the end. I was named after mi'dad.
Bret
She's got a man's name!
Keitha, that's a lovely name...
So, how about we go back to bed?
Bret
Definitely don't do that!
Uhm... [Exhales deeply] ...No, I can't.
Would you be able to... unlock the door?
Bret
I would never go out with an Australian!
But if you were to, I would be fine with it.
Bret
When I first met you you tried to have me deported from New Zealand because you thought I was an Australian.
That was a misunderstanding; you were wearing a vest top.
Bret
My mum gave me that; thought it made me look like Bruce Willis.
Well it didn't, it made you look like an Australian.
We've still got the barbecue to look forward to.
PMPrime Minister
Yeah, I was thinking about that, Murray; a barbecue's a little bit old-fashioned, don't you think? What about a fondue party instead?
PMPrime Minister
Yes, I mean I've got the cheese covered. [pulls single block of cheese from suitcase]
PMPrime Minister
What could you bring, Murray, the salads perhaps?
PMPrime Minister
Bret, what can you bring?
Bret
I could make half a dozen croutons.
PMPrime Minister
Half a dozen, do you think you could go higher than half a dozen?
Bret
Nine hundred.
They'd have to be very small, almost like crumbs.
PMPrime Minister
Nine hundred, I think that's too many; try and split the difference, try and come down from nine hundred but up from six or seven.
Bret
I could probably make fifty croutons if you like.
PMPrime Minister
Excellent, excellent idea. You're showing promise, young man.
Alright, [makes note in pad] Bret's shown promise.
Bret
I've got a girlfriend.
Bret
Well, no. Not really a girlfriend. She doesn't know I exist.
But you do, you do exist, don't you? [pokes Bret]
Bret
Yeah, I exist.
'Cause you guys said you didn't exist before.
Why did you tell me you were from Never Neverland?
But you said you guys flew here!
On a plane. On a plane, Dave.
Flight of the Conchords · 53 quotes
