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S2 E5

Flight of the Conchords · Season 2, Episode 5

“Unnatural Love” quotes from Flight of the Conchords

6 quotes

“Unnatural Love” · Season 2, Episode 5

In this episode: Jemaine (6), Bret (5), Keitha (3), Murray Hewitt (1), Dave (1)

[Phone rings] Hello. Bret speaking.

Bret, it's Jemaine speaking.

Oh, hey, man. Where are you? Did you run away?

No, I went home with a girl.

What?

Bret... I think she might be Australian.

Are you sure she's Australian?

Either she's Australian, or sh-she really likes Australia.

Ugh! You gotta get outta there! Just get outta there!

I-I'm locked in, she's trapped me.

I'm not surprised... Okay, erm... Keep calm, jump out of the window.

Good idea... Oh, it's too high!

Okay, well do one of those dive rolls... When you land.

Okay, I'll try.

AGAussie girl

[strong Aussie accent] G'day.

Oh... Hey...

AGAussie girl

Jesus... Got a tongue like a badger's arsehole. What'cha doing there, big J?

Just talking to a friend of mine.

[over the phone] Don't talk to her! She's definitely Australian...

I'm not sure I got your name.

AGAussie girl

It's Keitha.

... Pardon?

Keitha.

[confused] Keitha?

Yeah, it's like Keith. But with an 'a' at the end. I was named after mi'dad.

Umm...

She's got a man's name!

Keitha, that's a lovely name...

So, how about we go back to bed?

Definitely don't do that!

Uhm... [Exhales deeply] ...No, I can't.

[Disappointed] Oh.

Would you be able to... unlock the door?

I would never go out with an Australian!

But if you were to, I would be fine with it.

When I first met you you tried to have me deported from New Zealand because you thought I was an Australian.

That was a misunderstanding; you were wearing a vest top.

My mum gave me that; thought it made me look like Bruce Willis.

Well it didn't, it made you look like an Australian.

Did she sound Australian? Australian accent?

Yes, yes.

What did it sound like?

Kind of like an evil version of our accent.

[Speaking about Jemaine and Keitha the night before]

Did you use protection?

Yes, but only on my penis.

[Strong Aussie accent] Mum says I sound like Marilyn Monroe.

[To Bret] Did you catch that?

What? Are you deaf? Marilyn Monroe.

Oh, Marilyn Monroe.

Yeah.

What about her?

I talk like her now!

She sounds like her.

Yeah, she does a bit.

[annoyed] I talk like her now...

Yeah, I suppose if you squint your ears...

Okay, they're gone.

Thank you, Dave.

Yeah, don't worry about it, guys. I just think it's really cool that you love each other, even though you're from Austria and you're from some place no one's even fucking heard of.

Australia.

New Zealand.

Exactly. Because it shouldn't matter where you're from when love's involved. It's like that movie "Interracial Hole Stretchers 2" — she was white; they were black. But it didn't matter in the end, did it? Because they were in love.

I haven't... I haven't seen that one.

Well, it really affected me.

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