Zoe quotes from Firefly

You must be new. Don't get comfortable. Your type doesn't last long here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disresp— AGHHH!

Zoe

Clear.

Wash

How much did we get?

Mal

Enough to keep us flying.

Zoe

Can we fly somewhere with a beach?

Wash

Maybe a naked beach?

Mal

Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity.

Zoe

Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.

Kaylee

[panting] No power in the 'verse... can stop me!

Zoe

[holding up an apple to Wash, before cutting it with her knife] These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.

Wash

It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens me.

Zoe

It does kind of freeze the blood.

Kaylee

Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?

Wash

[to Zoe] You do?

Kaylee

[to Wash] Her and Cap'n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on 'em.

Zoe

[pauses, then replies to Kaylee] You know what a griswald is?

Jayne

[just walking in] It's a grenade.

Zoe

About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.

Wash

[hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.

Kaylee

Blew off their heads, huh?

Zoe

Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise, just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the rib cage.

Wash

But these apples are healthsome, and good.

Jayne

Yeah, grenades cost extra.

Mal

[walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and start thinking about spending some of this money.

Wash

[whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.

Mal

[replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.

Wash

[Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my —

Mal

About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.

Wash

So...when you said that you didn't get a chance to tell the captain my idea...what you actually meant was, you told him my idea, he rejected it out of hand, and you didn't argue the point, or, even give it another thought-

Zoe

I gave, honey- I, I-

Wash

And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure.

Zoe

Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?

Wash

You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.

Zoe

I didn't want to upset you.

Wash

What did you think of it?

Zoe

Of what?

Wash

Of my idea! Call the local M.D.'s- forget the fed's, let's go straight to the source. Better prices, and we know the drugs get to the right people.

Zoe

Captain thinks it will get back to someone- it'd just cause trouble!

Wash

[interrupts with muttered curses in Chinese, and slams his hand down on his controls] Was I ever not asking what the captain thought!! [Gets up and almost walks out.]

Zoe

Well, I tend to agree with him.

Wash

Tend to or have to? I love the fact that you two are old army buddies, and you got wacky stories with rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?

Zoe

[glaring at Wash] You're losing the higher ground here, sweetcakes.

Wash

I'm sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it with the-

Zoe

[now raising voice] I thought your plan was too risky. I thought.

Wash

Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal 'cause you know he'll shoot it down for you. Tell me.

Zoe

Right. 'Cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!

Wash

No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. [There is a pause between the two. Zoe looks taken aback. Wash's voice breaks when he speaks again.] Right now it's kinda crowded.

Mal

Lucrative as this stuff is, I'll be glad to see the last of it. [loading the stolen medical supplies] Kind of makes us a target for—

Zoe

[checking controls and dials] Was River in here messing around? The ignition sequence is all turned about, I can't even—

Wash

[entering] I can.

Mal

Well, get it set, would you, Wash? We gotta get moving.

Wash

Here's a funny twist. No.

Mal

No, what?

Wash

No, sir.

Zoe

You changed the sequence?

Wash

Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead— me and the captain.

Mal

The captain who's standing right here, telling you that's not going to happen?

Wash

Well, it's a dangerous mission sir. [looking at Zoe] I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now.

Mal

Okay [chuckling], um... I'm lost. Uh... I'm angry. And, I'm armed. So, if you two have something that you need to work out—

Zoe

It's all right, sir. We've dealt with Bash before. Shouldn't be a problem. [stands to leave] And I wouldn't mind sitting this one out. [stares down Wash]

Mal

Oh, this is a fine [mutters in Chinese] but I don't have time to unwind it. Wash [nodding at Wash, clearly annoyed] get her started. Zoe, ship is yours.

Wash

Bye, hon. [sarcastic] We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas! [Turning to Mal,] So... are we gonna sing army songs or something?

Jayne

I'll be in my bunk.

Zoe

Jayne, grab your weapon.

Book

Thank God you're safe.

Kaylee

Oh my God, what happened?

Simon

Let me take a look— how bad is it?

Wash

I'm fine. [Wash and Zoe push through the crew blocking the hallway.]

Inara

Where's Mal?

Zoe

Niska wouldn't let him go.

Inara

Is he alive?

Zoe

For now. [Zoe hands a bundle to Simon.] Take that to the infirmary— put it on ice.

Kaylee

W-w-what is that?

Simon

It's his ear.

Zoe

We're getting him back!

Jayne

What are we gonna do, clone him?

Simon

Well it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it. [Simon looks up.] That's assuming there's a head.

Wash

Grenades?

Zoe

Oh, yes. Thank you, dear. [Turning to Jayne] They won't be expecting it.

Jayne

Right. 'Cause they ain't insane.

Book

This should do.

Zoe

Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?

Book

Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Jayne

What?

Zoe

Let's go get the cap'n.

Yep, he's dead.

Kaylee

Unless it's the captain!

Zoe

Unless it's the captain.

Zoe

Jayne. This somethin' the Captain has to do for himself.

Mal

No! No, it's not!

Zoe

[surprised] Oh.

Mal

I know it's a... [puts Zoe's hands on his hip and shoulder] difficult mission, but you and I... [places his hands likewise on her] have to get it on.

Zoe

I understand. We have no choice. [deadpan] Take me, sir. Take me hard.

Jayne

[walking in] Well, somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'.

Wash

We'll be in our bunk. (slaps Zoe's butt as they leave)

Jayne

[sniffing] Oh, hey— [smacks Mal in the chest where he was tortured] free soup.

Mal

Saffron has a notion we can walk right in there, take the Lassiter right off his shelf.

Wash

I'm confused.

Saffron

You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself?

Wash

No. Actually, I was wondering... what's she doing on this ship?

Wash

We're in space! How'd she get here?

Mal

She hitched.

Wash

I don't recall pulling over!

Jayne

Okay. I got a question. If she's got the security codes, why don't she just walk in and grab it herself?

Saffron

[sarcastically] Good point!

Mal

Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to weigh in.

Zoe

Take sounds ripe enough, assuming we can fence it.

Saffron

I know a guy on Persephone. Already has half dozen buyers on the bid.

Zoe

But Inara ain't wrong.

Zoe

She can't be trusted.

Mal

I ain't asking you to trust her. I'll be with her on the inside the whole time.

Saffron

See there? All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon, is... get over it.

Zoe

Hmm. Okay.

Zoe

I'm in.

Simon

Yep—it's a cow fetus.

Kaylee

Guess so. It does seem to have an awful lot of limbs.

Simon

It's mutated.

Kaylee

But cow? How do you figure?

Simon

It's upside down.

Kaylee

Oh yeah. Cow.

Simon

And I'm out twelve bits! I really know how to show a girl a... disgusting time.

Wash

Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar.

Zoe

Scared her away again, did you?

Simon

D— This may come as a shock, but I'm actually… not very good at talking to girls.

Zoe

Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?

Wash

[Speaking loudly, slowly, and enunciating clearly] Do not fear me! Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony.

Tracey

Thanks. I didn't know you were out there.

Zoe

Sort of the point. Stealth—you may have heard of it.

Tracey

I don't think they covered that in basic.

Zoe

Well, at least they covered "Dropping Your Weapon So You Can Eat Beans and Get Yourself Shot".

Tracey

Yeah, I got a badge in that. [seriously] Won't happen again.

Zoe

It does, I'm just gonna watch.

Zoe

First rule of battle, little one… don't ever let them know where you are.

Mal

Whoo-hoo! I'm right here! I'm right here! You want some o' me?! Yeah you do! Come on! Come on ! Aaaaah!

Mal

Whoo-hoo!

Zoe

'Course, there're other schools of thought.