Mal Reynolds quotes from Firefly

Mal

No one is setting foot on that fancy rock. I don't want anyone leaving the ship. Come to think of it, I don't want anyone looking out the windows or talking aloud.

Jayne

What's the point of coming to the core if I can't even step off the boat?

Mal

You could have got off with Shepherd Book at the Bathgate Abbey. Could've been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden by now.

Jayne

Well, it beats just sittin'.

Wash

It is just sitting.

Mal

Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn't bring 'em back.

Simon

They were cyanotic...

Mal

They were cyanotic...

Simon

...and not responsive...

Mal

...not responded— responsive...

Simon

...and we were unable to...

Zoe

Res—

Mal

Resuscitate them!

Simon

Which methods did you use?

Zoe

We— we tried pulmonary stimulators, and— and cardiac... we...

Simon

Infusers.

Zoe

Infusers!

Simon

What about cortical electrodes?

Jayne

Oh! [long pause] We forget 'em.

Simon

Let's try that again.

Mal

Pupils were fixed and dilapitated—

Simon

Dilated.

Mal

Dilated. Dilated! Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng! Shiny.

Jayne

Unable to get a neural...

Simon

Response.

Jayne

Response! Hell, I don't know. If I wanted schooling, I'd-a gone to school.

Simon

If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!

Mal

Now all we need are a couple o' patients.

Simon

Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.

Jayne

Huh. I'm starting to like this plan.

Mal

Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery.

Jayne

The doc did good, comin' up with that job. Don't mean I like 'im any better. Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash. Maybe I'll give him a tattoo while he's out.

What do you got?

Mal

Got a couple DOAs. By the time we got there—

Take them down to the morgue.

Jayne

We applied the cortical electrodes, but we were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient!

Wash

How much did we get?

Mal

Enough to keep us flying.

Zoe

Can we fly somewhere with a beach?

Wash

Maybe a naked beach?

Mal

Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity.

Zoe

Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.

Mal

You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. I don't have a keel to haul you on, so...

Jayne

What're you takin' it so personal for? It ain't like I ratted you out to the feds!

Mal

Oh, but you did! You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here. [Pause.] You did it to me, Jayne. And that's a fact.

Jayne

What're you gonna tell the others?

Mal

About what?

Jayne

'Bout why I'm dead.

Mal

I hadn't thought about it.

Jayne

Make something up. Don't tell 'em what I did.

Mal

The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.

Jayne

Can I come in?

Kaylee

[panting] No power in the 'verse... can stop me!

Zoe

[holding up an apple to Wash, before cutting it with her knife] These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.

Wash

It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens me.

Zoe

It does kind of freeze the blood.

Kaylee

Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?

Wash

[to Zoe] You do?

Kaylee

[to Wash] Her and Cap'n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on 'em.

Zoe

[pauses, then replies to Kaylee] You know what a griswald is?

Jayne

[just walking in] It's a grenade.

Zoe

About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.

Wash

[hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.

Kaylee

Blew off their heads, huh?

Zoe

Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise, just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the rib cage.

Wash

But these apples are healthsome, and good.

Jayne

Yeah, grenades cost extra.

Mal

[walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and start thinking about spending some of this money.

Wash

[whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.

Mal

[replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.

Wash

[Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my —

Mal

About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.

Book

Didn't Inara express a wish for privacy?

Kaylee

Oh… we've gotta see who she's got. I bet he's handsome. I think he's gonna bring her flowers.

Kaylee

Oh— there he is!

Mal

Well, he looks the respectable sort. Welcome aboard. I'm Captain Malcolm Rey—

We're all clear here, councilor.

Mal

...Huh.

Book

Ohh, my.

Kaylee

Oh, gosh, I-I knew she took female clients, I just, uh- [laughs] They look so glamorous together.

Jayne

...I'll be in my bunk.

Mal

Lucrative as this stuff is, I'll be glad to see the last of it. [loading the stolen medical supplies] Kind of makes us a target for—

Zoe

[checking controls and dials] Was River in here messing around? The ignition sequence is all turned about, I can't even—

Wash

[entering] I can.

Mal

Well, get it set, would you, Wash? We gotta get moving.

Wash

Here's a funny twist. No.

Mal

No, what?

Wash

No, sir.

Zoe

You changed the sequence?

Wash

Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead— me and the captain.

Mal

The captain who's standing right here, telling you that's not going to happen?

Wash

Well, it's a dangerous mission sir. [looking at Zoe] I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now.

Mal

Okay [chuckling], um... I'm lost. Uh... I'm angry. And, I'm armed. So, if you two have something that you need to work out—

Zoe

It's all right, sir. We've dealt with Bash before. Shouldn't be a problem. [stands to leave] And I wouldn't mind sitting this one out. [stares down Wash]

Mal

Oh, this is a fine [mutters in Chinese] but I don't have time to unwind it. Wash [nodding at Wash, clearly annoyed] get her started. Zoe, ship is yours.

Wash

Bye, hon. [sarcastic] We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas! [Turning to Mal,] So... are we gonna sing army songs or something?

Mal

Look— this thing, with you and Zoe—

Wash

Really not looking to talk on that topic.

Mal

Hey, I let that [stupid (in Chinese)] trick of yours slide back there because this is a milk run. But when I go on a mission, I'm taking Zoe, and that's the drill. You know that. I mean, what happens if we get in a situation here?

Wash

Hey, I've been in a firefight before. [Pauses] Well, I was in a fire. [Pauses] Actually, I was fired, from a fry cook opportunity. [Pauses again.] I can handle myself.

Mal

And you understand what Zoe's job entails?

Wash

[Nodding enthusiastically] I'll learn as I go.

Mal

You okay?

Wash

[Panicking] I think I've been kidnapped.

Mal

Yeah.

Wash

[Pauses] Can you see where we are?

Mal

No.

Wash

Mal, what the hell is going on?

Mal

Ain't rightly sure.

Wash

But you've got some theories?

Mal

[Slightly irritated] Still working it through.

Wash

[Loudly] I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's happening then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting, and possibly scheming. So, whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back. With the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now... what do I do?

Mal

Probably not talk quite so much.

Wash

Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic. [Pause] If I'm not gonna talk, then you have to! What else?

Mal

We just gotta keep our heads.

Wash

Right. Keep our heads. That way we'll be able to, you know, keep our heads. You and Zoe have been in plenty of situations like this before, right?

Mal

Many a' time.

Wash

Many a' time, you and Zoe.

Mal

At least we know who it was took us-

Wash

Zoe and you. Together, in a tricky...[Considers this] Mal, she's my wife!

Mal

Huh?

Wash

What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?

Mal

I didn't!

Wash

You did!

Mal

She ain't here, Wash!

Wash

No, but she would've been!

Mal

Okay.

Wash

I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor, and obey.

Mal

Listen, if— [surprised] She swore to obey?

Wash

Well, no... not— [breathing heavily] But that's just my point! You, she obeys! She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose!

Mal

Look, Zoe and I have a history— she trusts me.

Wash

[Annoyed] What's that supposed to mean?

Mal

Don't mean a thing, but you're making out like she blindly follows my every word; that ain't true.

Wash

Sure it is.

Mal

Not so. There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey.

Wash

Name one!

Mal

She married you!

Do you know the writings of a Xiang Yu?

Mal

[Straining in pain throughout] You starting a book club? What, you trying to torture— [Grunts in pain] trying to torture me?

Zoe

Jayne. This somethin' the Captain has to do for himself.

Mal

No! No, it's not!

Zoe

[surprised] Oh.

Mal

So— I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there. How you farin' with that, Doctor?

Simon

I don't know. I, uh, I never— never shot anyone before.

Book

I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone… yet.