Father Jessup quotes from Father Ted

Mrs. Doyle

Shall I make the beds in the spare room?

[sarcastic] No, we'll sleep outside in a ditch!

Mrs. Doyle

OK so... would you like a cup of tea?

[sarcastic] No, We want to die of thirst.

Mrs. Doyle

[uncertain] Ok so...

Father Ted

[quiet] Mrs. Doyle, I think Father Jessup might have been being a bit... sarcastic...

Mrs. Doyle

Really? Were you being sarcastic, Father Jessup?

[still sarcastic] No, we'd like to die of thirst.

Mrs. Doyle

[looks confusedly at Father Ted]

Father Ted

[quiet] Mrs. Doyle, I know it's a bit confusing, but the trick is to do the opposite to what Father Jessup says.

Mrs. Doyle

[very uncertain] So, you really... do... want a cup of tea?

[exasperated] Yes! [reaches out for the cup]

Mrs. Doyle

[takes the cup away, and looks very pleased with herself thinking she has understood correctly]

Bishop Brennan

Aha, the Kraken awakes! Did we disturb you, Father Hackett?

Father Jack

Arse biscuits!

What? How dare you speak to his grace like that! Apologise immediately!

Father Jack

[in a sarcastic manner] I'm so, so, sorry.

Father Ted

[addressing Mrs Doyle] Now, that's sarcasm.

Mrs Doyle

Father Jessup, what are you doing in Father Hackett's underpants hamper?

He locked me in here! Oh God... The smell!

Mrs Doyle

Are you not terribly uncomfortable in there?

Of course I'm uncomfortable! I want to get out..."

Mrs Doyle

[thinks for a few moments, before coming to a conclusion] Okay so! [leaves]

Where are you going? HELP ME!